I'm not getting it

I've been thinking about all the stuff we do in this society that's supposed to make us safer. We waterboard people, we forbid shampoo on airplanes, and make people show photo ID to get into office buildings, but we're still deathly afraid of terrorism. We make sexual offenders register online, ban them from using the Internet and forbid them from living, working, socializing or driving with X feet of playgrounds, schools and bus stops, but we're still worried about the safety of children. People move to the furthest reaches of suburbia and buy guns until there are as many firearms as people, yet they still won't let their kids walk to school.

If you ask me (Yeah, I know you didn't. Shut up.), the real problem is not the threat of terrorism, child molesters and crime, but the fear of those threats. It's one thing to make sure nobody's bringing handguns onto airplanes, and quite another to start torturing people who might or might not know anything about a terrorist plot of which we have only vague information. The former is appropriate prudence; the latter, a prime example of a nation so consumed by fear that it's lost its moral compass.

Fear's a tough thing, and like everyone I've had to grapple with it. There are times, particularly in this last year, when I want to take the people I care about and lock us all in an impenetrable container where no one ever dies. That's no way to live, though. If chancing the terrorist means I won't have to show my passport to get into a damned office building, or that I won't need to surrender my habeas corpus rights, then I say it's a deal. The terrorist can only kill me once; from fear I can die a thousand deaths.

New favorite lyric:

"It's hard not to think about you
To keep you off my mind
It's hard to live in a world without you
And it's getting harder, it's getting harder
It's getting harder all the time"

Artist: The Mindbenders (Charles Albertine/Ben Raleigh)
Song: It's Getting Harder All The Time
Album: Soundtrack of "To Sir With Love"

Well, not saw but SAW

This has got to be the funniest thing in politics since Bob Allen and his "stocky black man" routine. Mitt Romney really put his foot in it when he said he saw his father marching with Martin Luther King. Turns out that the elder Romney never appeared with King, but that Mitt "saw" him anyway. Here's the money quote:

"If you look at the literature, if you look at the dictionary, the term 'saw' includes being aware of in the sense I've described," Romney told reporters in Iowa. "It's a figure of speech and very familiar, and it's very common. And I saw my dad march with Martin Luther King. I did not see it with my own eyes, but I saw him in the sense of being aware of his participation in that great effort."

Ah. Well. That's a mistake that any slimy, flip-flopping political snake would make. However, to make this even funnier, check out what Redstate.com has to say about it:

"...this incident could be easily understood by Romney's supporters, but it only strengthens the positions of those who do not have confidence in the veracity of certain of Mr. Romney's statements."

Man, you can't make up this stuff.

And you thought we just inserted commas!

Just when you thought that copyeditors couldn't fight crime, the good folks at the Lewiston Tribune proved that greatness can indeed come even from the ink-stained hands of those of us paid to nitpick.

In other news, I got to see most of a gay boy's butt today, and totally without being unfaithful to Dan. Somebody needs to tell the guy running the organic stand at the market that low-rise jeans plus short T-shirt plus bending over really far leads to a generous glimpse of the great divide. He was cute enough so I am not complaining, mind you, but if I were him I'd either wear fuller-waisted trousers or else get some spackle.

New favorite lyric:

"Rows and floes of angel hair
And ice cream castles in the air
Feather canyons everywhere
I've looked at clouds that way
But now they only block the sun
They rain and snow on everyone
So many things I could have done
But clouds got in my way."

Artist: Joni Mitchell (Joni Mitchell)
Song: Both Sides Now
Album: Clouds

I don't often admire New Jersey, but...

...they've earned a high-five today. Buh-bye, death penalty.

Obviously, state Republicans are in a tizzy over this:

"Sparing the lives of brutal murderers only a week before Christmas will leave a hole in the hearts of surviving family members that will never heal."

Assembly Minority Leader Alex DeCroce

You're right, Alex; Christmas isn't a time for mercy. It's a time for death!

I'm sorry

I’ve always felt that saying I’m sorry is kind of cheap and inadequate. It’s what you say when you spill a glass of root beer or accidentally give away the ending to a book your friend is reading. Although you regret what happened, you know there’s nothing you can do about it, and so the words always seemed to me really meaningless. A year ago today, however, those words took on new substance when Star C. Foster passed away, suddenly and shockingly, of a pulmonary embolism. I'm sorry about that too, and there’s not a damned thing I can do about it, and I feel more regret than words can say. So I’ll say those words to her, because I am sure that, wherever she is, she’s found a way to get Internet access.

I’m sorry that when you first complained of leg pain I didn’t know anything about blood clots and pulmonary embolisms. If I had, I’d have bundled you into my tired old Corolla and taken you straight to the ER.

I’m sorry that when I got to the hospital that morning all I could do was tremble and clutch Dan’s coat, and that when it came time to face your parents, I could only leave him to say the right thing.

I’m sorry that I didn’t have the power to restore life, and still don’t. Thousands of pages of fiction tell me that using such power never has a good result, but that day I would have used it in a minute. A stone-cold minute.

I’m sorry that when I saw you on Friday I didn’t know that the following Thursday we’d be standing around your coffin. If I had, I wouldn’t have let you leave, or I would have followed you home.

I’m sorry that I couldn’t muster the resolve to say a few words at your funeral. Once again, it was up to Dan.

I’m sorry that I used to regard euphemisms like “passed away” as a pathetic attempt to deflect reality. The reality was that I knew jack about death and how hard it was to name, much less to accept.

I’m sorry that I no longer reach for my phone to invite you for dinner when Dan and I have prepared too much food. That’s called, “getting on with life”, and I’m sorry it’s so cruel.

I’m sorry that Halloween is not for me quite the party holiday it once was. Your absence from it has changed things.

I’m sorry that I now know that wisdom is sometimes bitter to receive.

I’m sorry that I resent the person now living in your old apartment. He/she has done nothing to deserve it except be there when I want someone to blame for your not being there.

I’m sorry that when I see your number, still in my phone, I am reminded that even if I press the green button you’ll never receive the call. I don’t delete the entry, though; it’s a false hope I can’t live without.

I’m sorry that I didn’t hear your laugh at my stand-up debut, which I would have picked out easily from all the others. It was a terrifying thing for me to try but I think you would have approved.

I’m sorry I never appreciated the joy of walking around a city taking pictures until it was too late to share it with you.

I’m sorry that it took your passing to make me realize how disconnected I was from my emotions, and how ashamed I was of feeling. I can’t change the past any more than I can bring back the dead, but I have the power to carry the lessons I've learned this past year into the future, a future I get to have, and to feel, and to live.

And about that, I’m not sorry.

I'm always ready...

...to answer questions about chocolate. The other day Dan came into the bathroom whilst I was showering to ask, "Do you like your hot chocolate with or without whipped cream?" Being wet and naked did not cloud my judgment for an instant, and without pause I cracked back, "With." (Some would say that being wet and naked improves my performance in all ways.) The hot chocolate did not arrive during the shower, if you were wondering, nor did I consume it naked or wet. Well, the hot chocolate was wet, but I wasn't. You know.


New favorite lyric:

"It's a small town life but I like it
'Cause the bad don't get in your way
There's an angry God gonna strike it
Yeah that's what we pay him for, that's why we pray."

Artist: Dar Williams (Dar Williams)
Song: Flinty Kind of Woman
Album: The Honesty Room

I love politicians!

Andy Lewis, a newly elected Delaware County commissioner, recently uttered a bit of idiocy that will remain among my favorite for eternity. As you may know, Lewis and his Republican cohorts campaigned on the ominous warning that their Democratic opponents would raise taxes but that they, the heroic GOP standard-bearers, would "hold the line." Well, there was a line, but it was fed to the voters, because now these folks are talking about tax increases. I just have to post a quote from Lewis himself, explaining his elastic position on the issue:

"Holding the line on taxes does not mean no tax increase."

Of course not. I think any reasonable person would understand that holding the line on taxes means being willing to raise them. Duh.

Don't get me wrong; I'm not against taxation. In fact, you'll never hear me complain about the amount of taxes I pay, although I make no such promises in regards to the use to which my money is put. However, I can't stand these zeros who rail against high taxes but happily avail themselves of the multitude of amenities taxes provide.

New favorite lyric:

"An American army regulation
Says you mustn't kill more than ten percent of a nation
Because to do so causes permanent psychological damage
It's not permanent but they didn't know that."

Artist: Sinead O'Connor (Dave Clayton/Sinead O'Connor)
Song: Famine
Album: Universal Mother

In my day...

Yeah, it's one of those posts. However, let me preface by saying that, generally speaking, I do not think that life was better ten, twenty, or thirty years ago. Today's computers are more user-friendly, our medicines more effective, and loads of other stuff I'll not bother to mention but which you can fill in for yourself. However, I think in a few areas we were better off, say, twenty-five years ago, than we are now. Here they are:

News: Back in '82, the news was on in the morning, at noon, at dinnertime and late at night. If something happened at 3pm...well, you waited a few hours to find out about it. (Unless it was really momentous, when networks would interrupt programming to tell you about it.) Today you can get news in six zillion ways and at all hours of the day, and you can even enable RSS feeds on various topics so that you'll never, ever miss the latest updates on whatever topic you've chosen. Call me curmudgeonly (Curmudgeon! Curmudgeon!), but I think this created a society of fear. Because reports of every happening everywhere in the world is available to any joker with Web access, we've developed perceptions of risk far out of proportion to actual threats. A child was abducted in Kansas...run and lock yours in a room! This is what brought us Megan's Laws and other fear-motivated but ultimately useless public policies.

Communication: If you were alive in 1982, you remember the days when you got phone calls in one place: home. If you weren't there, you didn't get the call. Hell, most people didn't even have answering machines! These days, with cell phones and Blackberrys and who knows what else, you're on call 24-7. No matter where people are or what they're doing, they're ready, willing and able to answer the burning cell-phone question "Where are you?" Cell phones ring in movie theaters, restaurants, concerts, operas, courtrooms...I once had a date (a first date, mind you) in which the gentleman took a call and stayed on the phone for five minutes. (I didn't put out on that date, if you're wondering, and I always put out. That's how mad I was.) There's something quintessentially rude about the way cell phones are used, and it's coarsened our society, not to mention made our roads more dangerous with drivers who think they're better at multitasking than they actually are.

Entertainment: In that golden yesteryear of 1982, you had six channels; seven, if you counted PBS. Now you have seven hundred thousand, and most of what you'll find on them is utter crap. Most theaters had one screen; today, they can have more than twenty. They say competition improves, but that certainly has not been the case with media explosion. Do you think a movie like "Taxi Driver" would be made today? Would you expect "All In The Family" to make its way into today's television programming? The intensity of competition has really just prodded producers to aim at the lowest common denominator, so as to gather the biggest possible audience. That means dumbing down the content, and after years of being treated like it's stupid, the American public has lowered itself admirably to the occasion. That's why "American Pie" had two sequels.

Again, I don't pretend that 1982 was some kind of golden age; it wasn't, and I am glad we are here and not there. But not everything we've gained has been a boon. I also realize that the things I listed have been negative not because of any inherent factor but because of misuse. It's my blog, tho, so I get to bitch.

A voice of reason...

...where you'd least expect to find it: the state legislature. Check out this opinion piece by Rep. Daylin Leach, who represents the 149th District. He very deftly deflates the hysterical objections of the NRA nuts who think that a reporting requirement is the first step on the way to the gulag.

Have you heard the rumors about retiring Senator Trent Lott's association with gay escort Benjamin Nicholas? I won't pretend these rumors are substantiated, but they certainly are interesting. I find it curious that Nicholas at first says that he doesn't want to add complication to "Trent's" life (they are on a first-name basis?!?) because "it's the professional thing to do." Uhh...just what profession are we talking about, Ben? When pressed, he says Lott (evidently, he's forgotten the senator's first name) has alot to deal with and that he, Nicholas, doesn't want to "add fuel to the embers." Finally, when he was caught out, he said that he and Senator Lott (now evidently remembering Trent's profession) have no "current affiliation." That's a very careful statement, don't you think?

Clearly, Nicholas either had a relationship with Lott or he wants us to think he did. Perhaps he's just a drama queen (a predilection certainly not unknown amongst gay men) who's looking for attention, but I don't think so. If you check out his Web site, it's clear that Nicholas' clients are relatively well-heeled and probably desirous of discretion, so I can't imagine good ol' Ben really wants to attract this kind of attention. I dismissed these rumors at first, but now I'm starting to wonder if there's not some fire behind all this smoke.

New favorite lyric:

"You're the hammer that's falling
You are the dripping tap inside
Insane and deranged
No easy words that could explain."

Artist: Go-Go's* (Go-Go's/Anna Waronker)
Song: I Think I Need Sleep
Album: God Bless the Go-Go's

*Yeah, I know that's two consecutive new favorites from the Go-Go's. It's been that kinda week.

Game. Set. Match.

Sorry for strutting a bit, but I had a fabulous set at Helium last night and I am flying high about it! Got lots of laughs on material that was less than four hours old and which was, in my view, a bit personally revealing. I felt like I could have taken the walk home in four giant steps.

Speaking of steps, mine are considerably noisier these days, as my left Merrell has developed one of those inexplicable squeaks that happens every time I put my left foot down. I wish those squeaks would start sporadically so I'd have some warning that it was time to replace the shoes, but nuthin' doing. Yesterday: good shoe; today: squeaky annoyance. I am very particular about the type of shoe I wear, and of course City Sports had that type in every size but mine, so I had to order it. Therefore, the city will be somewhat noisier until next week.

Note to those who will see me within the next two or three days: I am going to be insufferably positive about my Helium set. Forgive, please.

New favorite lyric:

"Lust to love
Was the last thing I was dreaming of
And now all I want is just to love
Lust has turned to love."

Artist: Go-Go's (Jane Wiedlin/Charlotte Caffey)
Song: Lust to Love
Album: Beauty and the Beat

Ouch!

You can find a vid of my latest stage foray on YouTube, but be warned that it's not pretty. It was a very bad crowd for me, interested chiefly in dick jokes, of which I have none. They also seemed to like masturbation humor; I was the sixth or seventh comic on stage that night, and every other one had jokes on that topic. Every single one. So, if you want a good jerk-off joke...well, don't ask me, because I haven't heard any lately.

This sums it up

You want to know why I wouldn't vote for Rudy Giuliani in a million years? Check out his own words about his reflections during the 9/11 period in NYC.

"At one point I stopped. I'd probably made about 10 decisions. I wasn't sure they were right. And I said to God, 'God, you know, you know how this is going to come out. I don't. And I'm going to make the decisions, and you're going to make them right."

Call me crazy, but maybe he should be asking God to help him make the right decisions, instead of expecting God to...what? Change the world so those decisions turn out to be right?

This confirms what I've read about Giuliani, who has in the past said he grew up sensing he had a destiny and that 9/11 was when it arrived. That, in my view, is dangerous. I don't want any part of a candidate who thinks he's been touched by a god, destiny, fate, whatever. Not for president, not for Congress...hell, not even for committeeperson. No way. That leads to a belief that it's OK to break laws or engage in sleazy deals because, what the hell, it's all in a good cause. Also, it makes you think you're irreplaceable. Nobody is. The job of POTUS will get done by someone, and if that someone isn't Rudy the nation will not slide into the Atlantic.

Argh.

Just so you know...

...before you decide to scream in an elevator, you should probably check to see if said elevator has a camera.

Saw "Razor" at the Riverview last night, and I give it a thumbs-up. I think it airs on TV November 24, and I recommend watching it. I'd thought about titling this post something like, "'Razor' cuts deep" or "'Razor' is a cut above'," but then I realized how annoying that would be.

Mmmm...

....chicken salad from Reading Terminal. I don't normally buy chicken salad because when it's bad it's really bad, but the stuff Hatville Deli serves is downright tasty. Have some. Now!

I am getting really tired of presidential debates in which the candidates are asked about their opinions on torture in the context of a "Jack Bauer" scenario. Since when did it become intellectually respectable to frame questions of national policy in terms of a television series? Shall we now engage in debates about abortion based on the situation faced by the President of the Twelve Colonies of Kobol?

Hey, Yagathai showed "Deer Woman" at Movie Night yesterday, and it was a howl. One of the funnier MN selections of late, and definitely one I'll remember for a long time. Apparently the flick is part of the "Masters of Horror" series, for those who want to look it up.

I'm currently watching fifth-season episodes of "Babylon 5" to support my theory that Sheridan was an awful politician who got it wrong half the time and then weaseled out of his responsibility to make it right. You're probably thinking, "Uhh...don't you have socks to sort, or some lint to pick out of your navel?" Yeah, right...like I'd really do something so useless.

New favorite lyric:

"Who's peeking out from under a stairway, calling a name that's lighter than air
Who's bending down to give me a rainbow, everyone knows it's Windy
Who's tripping down the streets of the city, smiling at everybody he** sees
Who's reaching out to capture a moment everyone knows it's Windy"

Artist: The Association (Ruthann Friedman)
Song: Windy
Album: Insight Out

**Yes, you saw "he." Believe it or not, this song was written by Ruthann Friedman about a man, but when The Association recorded it they changed the lyrics. You can find the original lyrics here.

Fit to Split

I did my comedy thing at Lickety Split Sunday night, and it was a pretty decent experience. I saw a comic get heckled like nobody's business, but the crowd was nice to me considering how late it was (after 1 am) and how drunk they were. There's more to be said about that night but I dare not go further in this here public space. I don't want some comic coming after me for what he read on my blog.

You can see the results of my work here. YouTube hasn't yet added the clip to their search engine so you can't look it up via my name quite yet. Check out the drunk guy who starts mumbling to me around 2:30. He was nice enough, throwing me the horns and insisting that I rocked, which was rather decent of him. Nothing like a compliment from a drunk guy with weird hair to build your self esteem.

Thanks to the stalwart Ed, who soldiered through to the wee hours of the morning to record this slice of history.

A hell of a copter!

Had a neat dream last night that my brother-in-law owned a helicopter that he taught me to fly and let me borrow. Let the city try to impound that vehicle!

I have a question. If you could command any sci-fi ship you wanted, which would you pick? I'll list a few for the sake of convenience, but please do recommend others not on the list:

1. Defiant
2. Battlestar Galactica (or Pegasus, if you want a newer model)
   
3. White Star
4. Enterprise (of whichever model you prefer)

Was anyone other than me thinking this?

Apparently, Republicans are angry that Pete Stark said what at least I have been thinking. Leave it to a Stark to point out the inherent weirdness of having plenty of money for war but none for the healthcare of children. Winterfell '08! As to "dishonoring the commander-in-chief"...sorry, Mr. Boehner, but reality beat Stark to the punch.

Here's a vid of my latest stand-up foray. It was brand-new material, and it sounds the part.

New favorite lyric:

"Well I hate TV
There's gotta be somebody other than me
Who's ready to write it off immediately
I'm looking for a cynical girl"

Artist: Marshall Crenshaw (Marshall Crenshaw)
Song: Cynical Girl
Album: Marshall Crenshaw

Open Mic: The Reckoning

For those who may be interested, I will be attending the open mic at the Comedy Cabaret this Wednesday, October 17. I'll go on sometime between 8:30 and 10.

Since I wasn't sure until today that I was going, we decided not to cancel Movie Night. Dan will hold down the fort while I try once more to make strangers laugh at me. Normally I don't have to try too hard to make that happen, but on stage it's called performing.

Two news items I liked

Personally, I think we owe this train a debt of gratitude for taking a genetic defect off the roads, if only for a little while.

It must be my birthday, because Larry Craig is staying in office! Yup...he's decided to hang in there while he "explores his legal options." That's politician-speak for "finds a way to weasel out of the mess he made for himself." What a great gift, Lar! I feel bad that I didn't get anything for you, though. Maybe I could find that piece of paper you were trying to pick up when you hit on Officer Karsnia, eh? (Good taste, by the way, although next time us a damn chat room like any other troll.)

And again!

You can find my second bid at stand-up here, recorded at Helium.

I didn't tell very many people I was doing this for a few reasons. First, I wanted a crowd in which almost no one knew me, and that I got. There were nearly fifty people there, and it was kind of a tough crowd. Not very many comics got laughs. Second, I didn't know I was going on at all until 40 minutes before I actually did, so I didn't want people attending if they weren't going to be able to see me. Third, it was a three-minute set, so I was on and off that stage before you could say, "Great Zeus! Is that the guy who made his debut in glamorous Northeast Philly?"

Like that guy who weeps over Britney Spears...

...I, too, am on YouTube! Yes, our new digital camera doubles as a camcorder, and took a pretty dandy video of my stand-up comedy debut. So, even if you weren't at the glamorous Comedy Cabaret on Wednesday, you can watch my nervous energy translate into these weird, Lady MacBeth-style hand motions!

Notice the constant glances at my set list on the chair...when I got behind that mic my mind went absolutely blank. I'm talking basic knowledge here, too, like my own name and swallowing, along with all my material. Argh. Also, check out my spacey, unfocused eyes; I couldn't see a damn thing except the lights in my face and absolute darkness behind them. Oh, and SuperTarzan, who was sitting about two feet from the stage. Yowza.

Although I can't say I enjoyed it at the time, later on I felt this real rush, and I understood why people do this. It's power, really, and for four minutes, forty-two seconds I had it.
.
.
.
And I spent it talking about having sex with John Kerry. Hmm.

Read on Red

I found this comment on RedState.com, in a thread about Fred Thompson's now-you-hear-it, now-you-don't statement that, should he be captured, Osama bin Laden deserves due process of law. Naturally, such a statement was out of place in a Republican venue in which the candidates are vying to claim the title of Most In Favor of Torture. I'm quoting this comment here verbatim, for the ages:

Comment title: this is one case where we could learn from
the terrorists

they do, after all, know much more than we ever will about torture. Done properly, OBL could suffer immeasurable agony for an extended period of time.

Hey, I'd plop down the $19.95 for the DVD!

What's perhaps more scary is the follow-up comment, which I found too disturbing to quote in full here. Check it out for yourself, if you want something stomach-churning.

Just thinking

I've been thinking (Dan always groans when I start a sentence with that phrase) about the way Americans view democracy. There's this notion that democratic ideals and principles are luxuries, like power windows in a car, that can and should be discarded when trouble strikes. It's as if people think that autocracies and dictatorships are somehow intrinsically more efficient. I'll grant you that in times of danger you can't debate everything in committee, but at the same time I'm not certain that sacrificing the core principles of liberty really makes things more efficient. A dictator can act more quickly than an elected council, but that doesn't mean he's making the right decisions. Hitler's decision to divert some of his armor away from Moscow to the Crimea was certainly made with dispatch, but it may have cost him the Russian campaign. If he'd had to deal with press, public criticism and opposing political powers he might have been persuaded differently, but of course autocrats don't have to bother with that.

Democracy, to me, is a political expression of diversity, which we know from nature is a good thing. (If all life forms in an ecosystem are too similar they can too easily be wiped out by one cataclysm. ) In politically diverse societies all points of view get to vie for national attention, and even those that triumph are usually moderated by those that don't, thus ensuring against precipitate action. If this sometimes hinders complete victory it also prevents utter defeat.

On to new business. My first open mic is 9/26, and I'll email interested parties the where and when.

Overheard something really funny today

Whilst at a lunchmeat counter at the Reading Terminal, I overheard the following exchange:

Man: "Can I have a half-pound of the rotisserie chicken?"
Woman behind counter: "Chipped or sliced?"
Man: "Yellow."

I'm making bread tomorrow! I do this only once or twice a year because it's a real pain in the neck, but the results are mouth-watering. Tips for good bread:

1. Refrigerate your dough for 2-24 hours.
2. Wrap the newly baked loaves in aluminum foil so that the crust stays soft. Unless of course you prefer the crust, er, crusty.

The Stink of Pink

Looks like another Republican congressman enjoys a nibble from the other side of the loaf. Mark Foley, Bob Allen, Larry Craig...how many gay GOP congressmen are there? Geez Louise...I'm beginning to think that I could find most of the Republican caucus in Woody's on Saturday nights. Here's what the good senator had to say about it:

"At the time of this incident, I complained to the police that they were misconstruing my actions," he said. "I should have had the advice of counsel in resolving this matter. In hindsight, I should not have pled guilty. I was trying to handle this matter myself quickly and expeditiously."

Yeah, right...a member of the US Senate had no idea that pleading guilty to lewd behavior in a men's restroom might come back to haunt him later on. At least he didn't claim fears of a "stocky black man."

Hey, Bush and I agree!

I've been saying for years that Iraq is this generation's Vietnam, and now I hear that The Decider thinks so too. I'm so pleased we agree.

You've heard of Matt Sanchez, right? The conservative Iraq vet darling of the right-wing set who turned out to be equally well known as gay porn star Rod Majors? Well, I found his blog, and I share it with those who may be interested. Oh, and here's Michelle Malkin's defense of him. Malkin is googly-eyed crazy, so it's worth a read. Between Sanchez and Jeff Gannon, I'm beginning to think that conservatives are trying to recruit gay porn stars.

By the way, if I am getting annoying in conversation with snappy comebacks, blame the stand-up comedy instruction I've been taking. I spend a good deal of each day coming up with material, and as a result I tend to think in terms of rim-shots.**

**That's the drum-thing done after a punchline. I realize with a post about Matt Sanchez it could mean something...very different. But it doesn't.

New favorite lyric:

"There's nothing like poverty to get you into heaven
They've got alot of wine and fish up there and the bread's unleavened
They got alot of ears that heard a whip go crack
Lots of missing toes and fingers and scars upon their backs"

Artist: Patty Griffin (Patty Griffin)
Song: Poor Man's House
Album: Living With Ghosts

Holy smoley!

I was made aware of this Web site today.

Yeah, I couldn't believe it either. The site owners are careful to say they don't "promote or condone" violence against informants or law enforcement officers, but they sure give those who do a handy means for locating targets. I'm not proposing censorship or anything like that, which is a shame because this Web site is despicable.

Open Letter to Liberals

Dear Liberals:

You and I have had a friendship that spans decades. We've been to pro-choice rallies, written checks to the ACLU, voted for John Kerry and emailed our senators about progressive issues even when we knew they wouldn't listen. It's because of this close relationship that I say, in the most loving way possible, that you're a bunch of short-sighted, tantrummy children who deserve a good spanking.

I know you're angry about Congress' failure to pass legislation containing hard deadlines for a troop drawdown...me too! However, I understand that the US Senate honors a rule called the filibuster (say that with me) that allows forty-one senators to thwart the will of the majority. Remember that little trick our side used during our long years in the minority? Well, Republicans can use it too, and they have, and so fell every single attempt to set a deadline. That means that getting angry at Harry Reid is like Gandalf blaming Frodo for not living closer to Mount Doom.

I understand that you love Cindy Sheehan, but supporting her bid to unseat Nancy Pelosi is pure, unadulterated folly. Pelosi is a safe-seat Democrat and reliable liberal who can do more for our side than an understandably pissed-off Iraq vet mother with no legislative experience who alienates half the people she meets. Keep in mind that the House of Representatives has passed the deadline three times; it's the Senate that's the problem, and there Pelosi has zero control. None. Replacing her with Sheehan won't eliminate the filibuster, and it won't get you what you want.

Look, you're right on the issues: healthcare, labor, abortion, same sex marriage and, yes, even Iraq. However, if you continue to insist upon my-way-or-the-highway policies, you're going to drive independent voters right back to the GOP. You may be anxious to return to the days of a Republican majority, zero congressional oversight and awful federal court nominees, but I'd rather not be included in that road trip, thank you very much. Please take a deep breath and think about what's really important and how best to accomplish it.

Hugs and kisses,

A Discouraged but Loyal Liberal

I Can-tankerous!

I'm taking a wonderful new medicine that makes everything taste metallic. I had an iron apple for breakfast, naan, salad, and copper shavings for lunch, and tonight I'm thinking of perhaps an aluminumy pizza. Very nice.

[Edited to remove something that might get me in trouble later.]

Griping complete. For now.

Yesterday I was stopped at a traffic light at 36th and Spruce, where a traffic cop was directing traffic. He was doing these wonderful little traffic-regulating dances, which were at once instructive and yet esthetically pleasing. I wanted to watch him for a bit longer, but the light turned green and he very jauntily waved me along. I really didn't feature seeing his write-a-ticket dance, so I went on my way.

Festival Fun

The Philadelphia International Gay and Lesbian Film Festival is in town starting July 12, and I've already got my tickets. Holding down the top spot is "The Gay Bed and Breakfast of Terror", which will no doubt be exquisitely bad. Hence the top spot. I'm also afire to see the documentary about Alexis Arquette's sex change. I'm not overly interested in tranny issues, but because AA is kind of loopy and I look forward to seeing how he freaks out on camera.

Did I ever mention that he was kind of rude to me at a festival a few years back? I had just come out of a dreadful movie in which he starred ("Piccadilly Pickups", in case you want to avoid it), and I saw him in the lobby. I said hi and complimented him on this Australian movie he'd done some years before, and he kind of looked at me disdainfully, acknowledged that I was an organic being, then turned away. In light of this, I feel fully justified in taking pleasure in his on-camera squirrelly antics.

New favorite lyric:

"Does the man who makes the shoes own you, clown?
You can't even pry the nameplate off, now can you?
Fix it with your tiny fist there
James Van Der Beek and them sisters from Sister, Sister
The only one that's ever felt this is you
The force that's forcing you
To feel like busting up a Starbucks."

Artist: Mike Doughty (Mike Doughty)
Song: Busting Up a Starbucks
Album: Haughty Melodic

Dream!

I had a strange dream last night, which is so unlike me, I know, I know. In this dream I was a deity; in fact, I was the deity. That sounds really self-centered, right? Wrong! In the dream, being the Big Guy was hard work. There was always some disaster to monitor or prayer to hear, and I never had a minute to myself. When I first became a deity I caused a miracle to sort of announce the new administration, and my chief of staff (yes, I had one) took me to task for it. Admittedly, resurrecting every dead French person and doubling the the radiance of every star wasn't your most subtle of wonders, but my chief was really stern! (I only made the stars brighter for one night, too.) No wonder my predecessor retired. Still, I'm thinking that after a few millenia in the job my 401K would kick ass.

Dan and I were discussing Duran Duran lyrics the other day, and so I came up with this:

"Her name is Rio, but I just don't understand
How some chick's like a river in a dusty land
A prime example of when lyrics are unplanned
You make a metaphor about the Rio Grande."

I really like "Rio", but come on.

Funniest thing I heard all weekend

Yesterday Dan and I went to Fogo de Chao courtesy of Dan's sister and her boyfriend (they rock), and it was pretty neat. A nightmare for vegetarians, admittedly, because they serve mostly meat: chicken, lamb, pork, and beef galore. Really good stuff, though, and the service was constant and gratifying. There was always someone in uniform there to fill your glass, remove a soiled plate and, of course, slice you off another serving of whatever meat was in prospect. Dan said, "It's like the 'Material Girl' video. With meat."

Tee-hee. But now I can't steal that line.

Back from the West!

San Francisco, as always, was delightful. The weather was less cool than I'd hoped, but otherwise things were sunny and clear, with not even a hint of rain. No cloud dared show its misty face! On my Favorite Places list, San Francisco is #2 with a bullet. (London’s #1, in case you were wondering.)

My plane took off only twenty minutes late, surprise, surprise. Unfortunately, I had to deal with a child sitting behind me kicking the back of my seat. His name was Graham, and his sister was Chandler. Urgh. I’m sure that the next kid will be Tyler, Ashley, or Chelsea. An hour into the flight I wanted to ask Mom how she thought Graham would kick with a pair of bloody stumps. Dan’s portable DVD player made the seat-kicking bearable, though, and “Jackie Brown” got me through the 5.5-hour flight.

The room was swank, with a giant bed that could easily have slept three. (It didn’t though.) It was well situated, too, right near a Muni stop, a Whole-Foods-type store that provided my morning fruit cup and a 7-Eleven that sponsored my afternoon milk. The room’s best attribute was that it was free.

Look at my San Fran pics, but I'll make a few observations here.

1. Restaurant service is slow, slow, slow. I think it's just a West Coast thing.
2. You know those seats on buses, trains, trolleys that are labeled, “These seats must be yielded to elderly or disabled passengers”? Well, in San Francisco people actually yield them, without even being asked. I don’t think I’ve EVER seen that on SEPTA.
3. Those San Francisco hills you hear about are NOT exaggerated. I walked up one hill that had to be angled at 40 degrees.
4. I’m a diehard liberal, but the liberalism there is cloyingly strong. My gosh…I couldn’t enter a store without hearing customers ask if something was organic, locally grown, free-trade, etc. Sheesh! (I left some of my liberalism there, as you’ll see from the pics.)

Coming back my plane took off right on time, a minor miracle in itself, but I paid for it by being seated once again near a child. This time I was behind him, and I had to restrain myself from taking revenge on Graham by proxy. I was the envy of my seatmate because I watched “Dog Soldiers” and a Go-Go’s concert on the DVD player.

Yay nearly free trip!

It makes me uncomfortable!

Know what experience really bothers me? When you see someone on the street whom you know only casually, and that person acts like he/she doesn't know you. Why do people do that? Personally, I give the old smile-n-nod, which says, "I don't know you very well, but with this cool smile and quick nod I hereby politely acknowledge our distant acquaintance." Some people know enough to do the same, but other give you that quick glance and then stonily ignore you, which always makes me uncomfortable. I don't care if he/she doesn't acknowledge me, but the fact that that person is uncomfortable makes me uncomfortable, which probably makes that person more uncomfortable until it becomes this whole downward discomfort spiral. Blech.

Hey, I saw "Notes on a Scandal" today, and I approve. Cate Blanchett is just marvelous...I'd see pretty much anything she was in. I have this rule about not seeing any movie that has a Wayans in the cast, but I'd break it for Cate. Stockard Channing, too.

T minus three days until I leave for San Francisco.

Idly Musing

For some reason, I'm thinking that "musly idling" makes as much sense. Don't disabuse me, please.

Is the wearing of one's keys on a ring attached to a belt or belt hook a new thing, or an old thing I'm just now noticing? Seems I see it everywhere nowadays.

I have many complaints with IKEA furniture - it's too expensive for its crappiness, they make you cart it around the store, you have to assemble it yourself - but on my mind today is those stupid Allan wrenches. Ever notice that you either have six zillion of these or not one? Hey IKEA...use Phillips or flathead like every other damn furniture manufacturer. Yeah, yeah, I know you're Swedish, but knock it off with the hexagonal thingies, all right.

Still going to San Fran next week and still excited about it; even more so, in fact, when I saw that the forecast was for clear weather with temperatures in the low-to-mid 60's. Step back!

I'm going to be deleting some of my old posts because I read them over recently and they annoy me. Also, in one I was a bit indiscreet in terms of name-dropping. So, if you can't bear to be without my years of blogging, save those pages now!

New favorite lyric:

"And the taxis and the trucks
Everybody's blowing their horns
And I got a bicycle bell to ring
And I got a notion to sing as I'm riding along."

Artist: Amy Correia (Amy Correia)
Song: The Bike
Album: Carnival Love

Up too late

I'll regret it tomorrow morning, which starts in approximately six hours, but right now it's fun!

Dan and I wandered about the city Monday afternoon, taking pics for his card game (I won't say the name here until he gives me the nod), so we put on our Sarcasmo eyes to see familiar things in a new way. We took dozens of pics, my personal favorite of which appears here. If you look closely you can see in the pawn the reflection of Dan and I crouching to get the right angle. Who knew that the plaza around the Municipal Services Building was strewn with giant chess pieces? There were dominoes, bingo chips and Monopoly game bits too.

We trekked through Love Park, took some pics of the Cathedral of Sts. Peter and Paul, got some nice shots of the Free Library, and stopped for a while at the fountain near the Academy of Natural Sciences. It being a hot day I decided to dunk my feet in the fountain, which was a good idea at the time. I didn't realize that the little pebbles strewn about the water are Stones of Eternity, meaning they get in your shoes and stay there forever. I'm like the Princess and the Pea with stones in my shoe; they have to come out right away, wherever I am, whatever I'm doing. (Some might say I am a princess in other ways. Quiet, you!)

Then it was vanilla-butterscotch ice cream with bits o' Kit Kat. Mama.

New favorite lyric:

"Every time I see him he smiles
And he tells me how well he's walking these miles
But he never, ever asks a single thing about me
If I died, he'd hear about it eventually"

Artist: Patty Griffin (Patty Griffin)
Song: Moses
Album: Living With Ghosts

Yay! Yay! Yay!

I'm going to San Francisco, and I'm staying for free! You see, Dan's flying out to attend the Apple conference (sorry, VisMajor), and he gets his own hotel room on the company nickel. Yesterday he said, "You want to fly out and stay with me?" Needless to say, I did, and do, and am.

Unfortunately I have to fly by myself, which I dislike since I hate air travel, but the prospect of a free room for five days is too good to pass up. I'll also have to spend the days alone - Dan will be at the conference - but that gives me opportunity to troll the streets of San Francisco and get to know the city a little better. I really enjoyed my last trip, and I am sure I'll enjoy this one no less. So excited! So excited!

Hey, can I tell you that Alberto Gonzalez is my new favorite person? Seriously. The longer he hangs on at the DoJ the worse Bush looks, assuming of course that it's possible for Bush to look any worse. Go Alberto!

New favorite lyric:

"We played cards, mostly blackjack
As we sat out on the tarmac
We sang songs we knew in Spanish
As we both loved songs of language
He'd heard me on the radio
I'd seen the flyers of San Antone
Now I would give anything to have that flyer for my own"

Artist: Nanci Griffith (Nanci Griffith)
Song: The Flyer
Album: Flyer

Wishful dreaming

I dreamt last night not of Manderly but of the Go-Go's. I was interviewing them for a magazine or something so Dan and I flew out to L.A. to meet them at the offices of their record company. They were fun and friendly, but so normal and easygoing that I knew it was a dream. While I was interviewing Belinda, Dan and the rest of the gals went down the hall and were giggling like crazy. Just as I was sitting down with Jane it was seven o'clock and my alarm was alarming. Stupid buzzer.

Here's an untimely comment, now that the Democratic primary is over. Since when does a millionaire political candidate qualify as unbribeable? If people with lots of money somehow shed their avarice no millionaire would ever become a billionaire. As Genna Lannister asked, "Why does a man with one pot of gold want another? Men are greedy." Also, just because a person can't be bought with money doesn't mean he can't be bought at all. Their are inducements other than cash, such as power, influence, and prestige, that can be just as tempting.

I'm currently engaged in a war with the houseflies somehow infiltrating my apartment from the back yard. I found today what I think (hope) is their point of entry, and Flypocalypse Now ensued as I killed about a dozen of the little bastards and then sealed up their secret tunnel. It was one of the few times I wished for a spider.

New favorite lyric:

"If you've got somewhere to be, if you've got someone besides me
Let me know, don't put me on, if it's not right then I'll be gone
All those dancers can't be wrong
All those answers would take too long
So tell me, tell me, now"

Artist: Go-Go's (Jane Wiedlin/Ron Mael/Russell Mael)
Song: Yes or No
Album: Talk Show

Isn't George Bush...

...like a real-world, male Cersei Lannister? Both possess a certain cunning but are blinded by arrogance and hampered by incompetence. They both deal with massive debts they're doing nothing to pay down, tick off foreign powers, use their military in the wrong way, and cover up malfeasance in government. But at least Cersei's hot.

I'm wearing my "Intelligent Design Isn't" t-shirt today. I've worn it around Center City dozens of times, yet today it's getting all sort of positive attention: smiles, chuckles, nods, etc. I'm still waiting for money, because nothing says appreciation like dollars tucked in the waistband.

Mama!

I bought some chocolate milk - which I hadn't enjoyed in a long time - at the Reading Terminal Market yesterday. I've always liked milk, but lately I've had a hankering for it but good. (Of course I like chocolate, but then who doesn't? Terrorists, that's who.) Anyway, after one sip I said to myself, "Why the heck did I ever stop drinking this wonderful stuff?" Then I turned around the container and read that the pint of chocolate milk contained 400 calories. "Oh. That's why."

The biggest news is [blare of trumpets] that I finished my graduate certificate this week. Somehow I pulled off an A in my last class (pixies, I tell ya) which put me over the finish line. A master's degree lurks about another 18 credits beyond my grad certificate, but I think I'm going to leave that beast alone.

Hey, hey! The Decider is doing his level best to sink the Republican Party. Who knew he was on our side? Seriously, though...28%? I imagine that if you polled Americans about my performance at least a third would say, "Well, I don't know who he is, but he's probably doing an OK job."

New favorite lyric:

"They invented a reason, that’s why it stings
They don’t think you matter because you don’t have pretty rings
I keep telling you I don’t care I keep saying there’s one thing they can’t change"

Artist: Jonathan Coulton (Jonathan Coulton)
Song: I'm Your Moon
Album: Thing a Week IV

Bitch, bitch

I saw the other day what must have been the overlord of all foolish driving maneuvers. A woman was backing her car out of a parking garage, across a sidewalk and into rush-hour traffic, watching for pedestrians and oncoming vehicles, whilst yammering away on a cell phone. Yes, I am one of those curmudgeons who thinks that cell phone use and driving just don't mix.

Part of my objection I can support empirically. Look at this, and this, and this. Google it yourself and you'll find more. The rest of my objection is more anecdote, but in my view no less compelling. When you're having a conversation in person, you are in the present, aware of the space you're actually occupying. When you're on the phone, you're kind of in between where you are and where the other person is. I've had phone conversations whilst staring at the TV (when I had cable service, that is), and I found that I could concentrate either on the program or the conversation, not both.

Maybe you're thinking, "Well, that's just you." Is it? Those studies I cited earlier indicate that it's not just me, and my own experience confirms this. Being a Center City resident, I'm always walking about crowded streets, and the most obnoxious walkers are those on cell phones. They'll walk into traffic, step directly in your path, completely unaware of what's going on around them. That's the point: They're unaware of what's going on around them. On the sidewalk it's no big deal, but do we want that kind of behavior encouraged on the road?

Maybe you trust that drivers will be responsible regarding distractions, and if so I applaud you. I find it refreshing that in this day and age anyone can hold that kind of unblemished, idealistic faith in the skill and dedication of the average motorist. My own view is a bit more cynical, shaped by years of driving to work watching people eat, drink, shave, apply makeup and read the newspaper behind the wheel. Ban cell phone use while driving, I say. If you have a conversation that's so important pull over; if not, keep your mind on your driving and we'll all be safer for it.

Ooh baby baby!

Title is apropos of nothing, except for my super-charged self!

I played Ultimate. All. Weekend. Rock! Good exercise, except that it got canceled out by the Vanilla Swiss Almond ice cream I ate afterward.

I did classwork. All. Weekend. That was also exercise, but not nearly as fun except that it ended in ice cream as well.

Dan showed me a time-travel movie that wasn't annoying or self-consciously clever. Although "Predator" remains my favorite time-travel movie (EverMike knows!), "Primer" really wasn't bad. Throw that in my face and there's going to be trouble in River City.

New favorite lyric:

"You know that when the truth is told
That you can get what you want or you can get just get old
You're gonna kick off before you even get halfway through
When will you realize Vienna waits for you?"

Artist: Billy Joel (Billy Joel)
Song: Vienna
Album: The Stranger

And the aftermath

The reunion was last night, and now I report!

I looked pretty good, I must say, and I spend a good deal of time making sure of it. There was no way I was going into that mess without confidence that every seam, fold and strand of hair was exactly in place. I deliberately arrived 90 minutes late...like I was really going to get there on time! What was neat was that almost no one recognized me at first, so I kind of stealthed around the place, checking out who had gotten fat (a number of people) and who bald (a slightly lower number). Eventually people started recognizing me, and when they did the most common remark was, "Wow, you look exactly the same!" I managed to avoid preening, mostly because I was aghast at how not exactly the same some of the remarkers looked. Great Zeus...had it only been twenty years? One guy I spoke with looked 48 if he was a day!

I expected that it would be embarrassing and mind-blowing, and possibly awful, but it was really just awkward; I had very little to say to most of these people when I was in high school, and even less twenty years removed. I did have kind of a revelation that I won't reveal here; no true confessions on this blog! (Or at least not today.) I left after 45 minutes and went to meet some friends in town, where I had an infinitely better time.

BTW, I wore my snazzy outfit the rest of the evening. Hey, it was too good to waste on a high school reunion.

New favorite lyric:

"And if I had a jetpack I'd bust into your door
I'd take you by the hand to the Jersey shore
And underneath the moonlight you'd want me even more
'Cause I'd have a jetpack."

Artist: Jill Sobule (Jill Sobule/Robin Eaton)
Song: Jetpack
Album: Underdog Victorious

Yes, it is still true...

...that my 20-year high school reunion is tomorrow. I have this fear that it will be really lame and that everyone who is there will remember me as an integral part of that lameness. And I'll remember it too. Forever and ever. Save me.

Mock trials are fun, as I learned the other night at SuperTarzan's. My favorite part was when ST responded to an objection thusly:

"Your Honor, it doesn't take any sophisticated legal knowledge to know that confessing to murder is going to hurt you at your murder trial."

Heh.

A great weather weekend looms before us, for once. Given that winter has made several encores, I'm keeping my heavy coat at hand until, like, July. However, I am also keeping my disc handy, and tomorrow I am using it! How can anyone not love Ultimate? If I were the FBI, I'd profile for that, because Ultimate-haters are terrorists.

I was walking along Boathouse Row today, and I used my Sarcasmo eyes to look at the buildings I've passed a zillion times before but never really seen. One of them has this little tower that looks rather like a miniature lighthouse, and I wondered if anyone ever used it as such. The only watercraft you'd guide in are the little boats the crew men and women use.

I hear that DRAGON is going out of print. The news made me a little sad, as at one time I was a regular subscriber and, once, an author. In a way I'm sheepish about admitting that, but in another way I'm not; at the time I published, that magazine had a circulation of around 100,000. If you Google my name (no, I'm not posting it here) along with the title of the magazine you can find pdfs of the article. Someone still reads the thing, for which I was paid the princely sum of $60. I still have a copy of the check.

I decided that, when I'm too old to work and too young to sit around all day, I'm going to become a crossing guard. I don't much care for children, but I like the idea of helping protect them from traffic. Evidently I dislike drivers more than children. That's the awe and wonder of me.

Whoa!

Two whoa things today.

Check out how well the "troop surge" is working. Of course, I am sure the Bush administration will be quick to say that the surge is too recent to have had any effect, or that this is the insurgents' Last Throe #703. Boy, do we have this coming.

I am going to my 20-year high school reunion in two weekends, may the Seven protect me. As the song says, don't ask me why. Actually, I know why; I want to see who got fat and who got bald, or (please, please!) both. While I'm being honest, I had thought about hiring a gorgeous model for the evening and telling her to call me "doctor" but I finally decided that would be lying. I guess. I'm divided on what to wear; half of me wants to hew to something sharp yet conservative, and the other half wants to drag out my quilted gold brocade, black-velvet-trimmed Versailles waistcoat. Since it will by then probably be too warm for quilted brocade, I'm probably going to stick with my new linen jacket.

Dan asked if I wanted him along and I said no for this reason. I have no idea how this evening's going to be, so I want the freedom to be able to walk (or run) out after five minutes without worrying about upsetting anyone. Such an exit might upset my former classmates, and I am sure that I'll toss and turn for at least three seconds over that.

New favorite lyric:

"And they'd say 'Granddad, Mom has told us
Is it true you were alive
When there were forests in New Jersey
And Windows 95?' "

Artist: Deirdre Flint (Deirdre Flint)
Song: Old With You
Album: Then Again

A podcast is a podcast*

I'm recording a podcast for my class, and in addition to becoming rather hoarse, I'm also noticing something I hadn't before.

Could my voice get any faggier? Geez Louise!

Ultimate Sean lent me the first season of "Beauty and the Beast" on DVD. I'm not a very romantic person, but that show should have been true. Seriously. And it had action! And an archrival! Not too many cute guys, it's true, but Linda Hamilton's shoulders were padded like a linebacker's. The latter really doesn't make up for the former, but I thought I'd point it out nonetheless.

New favorite lyric:

"At any convenient time
Funny how my memory slips
While looking over manuscripts of unpublished rhyme
Drinking my vodka and lime**"

Artist: Simon & Garfunkel (Paul Simon)
Song: Hazy Shade of Winter
Album: Bookends

*While writing this title I wanted to add "...but a Manwich is a meal." Podcasts and Manwiches have no ostensible connection except in my brain tonight.

**I'm not much of a drinker, but vodka and lime sounds really gross. I'll take a Manwich*** instead.

***Manwich sounds way dirtier now than it did when I first saw the commercial, way back when.

Some of my favorite songs

These are songs I can listen to over and over without tiring. And have.

The King is Half-Undressed

"She dots her i's with a smiley face
A work of art in all but taste
The fool deserves the bed he's made
Where idiots slumber"

Ah, Jellyfish. Only two albums did they produce before Roger Manning and Andy Sturmer started disliking each other, but, boy, were they good! I'm not exactly sure what the song means, but the lyrics are neat and the drums incredible. Sturmer was the drummer and the lead singer, too...how cool is that?

Our Lips Are Sealed

"Careless talk through paper walls
We can't stop them, only laugh at them
Spreading rumors, so far from true
Dragged up from the underworld just like some precious pearl"

Written by Jane Wiedlin and Terry Hall during their ten-minute love affair and originally recorded by the Go-Go's, this song is great no matter who covers it. Good bass line, singable melody and, in the original at least, you have Jane's pixie-ish bridge vocals. Love. Her.

Troy

"I remember it
Dublin in a rainstorm
Sitting in the long grass in the summer
Keeping warm"

Sinead O'Connor may be many things, but talentless she ain't. This song is both sad and screamy, and she makes both extremes work just fine. She's like that.

Closer to Fine

"I went to see the doctor of philosophy
With a poster of Rasputin and a beard down to his knee
He never did marry or see a B-grade movie
He graded my performance, he said he could see through me
I spent four years prostrate to the higher mind
Got my paper and I was free"

The Indigo Girls are liberalism made flesh and given guitars, and this song is liberalism to music. Still, it's got winsome lyrics and a nice rhythm, and of course Amy and Emily are vocalists without peer.

Revolution Earth

"While the wide arc of the globe is turning
We feel it moving through the dark
Hear the hills scrape the sky
And our eyes fill with the falling sparks"

The B-52's are pretty good at writing songs about nothing (see Hot Pants Explosion), but although this one doesn't exactly tell a story it paints a picture so vivid that I can't help but be transported. They recorded this one without Cindy Wilson, and although Kate Pierson does a fantastic job solo, I wish CW had been involved.

Are You Happy Now?

"I smashed the pumpkin on the floor
Candles flicker at my feet
As goblins flew across the moon
And children peered into the room
A cowboy shivered on the porch
Cinderella checked her watch
A hobo waited in the street
And an angel whispered, 'Trick or treat' "

This is an entry in the (presumably tiny) category of Halloween break-up songs. Richard Shindell gets all of the emotions involved in a parting of the ways just right, and even laments that his departed lover took the damned Halloween candy with her too. Bitch.

Sister Catherine Claire

"Her candy jar was always stocked
Her holy card collection rocked
She had the really gory ones
Like Vincent lanced and Stephen stoned"

Oh how I adore this one! This song really encapsulates Deirdre Flint's music: funny, accessible, and poignant. I defy your heart not to lift a little when "they declare Pope Catherine."

***

No favorite lyric today. You just had seven!

A few pictures

These were on my hard drive, and now they're on your screen!

The first one is Star in Rittenhouse Square, and was taken by the Philadelphia Inquirer. If you didn't know Star you missed out on a part of life. If you knew Star and didn't like her you missed out on basic humanity or good sense, or something.

The second one is me at Dover Castle in - surprise, surprise - Dover, England. (I should put in the county name but I don't feel like looking it up.) I'm way off to the right, barely visible and irrelevant in light of the wonderfully green grass. No Photoshopping on this pic...that color's all nature. The day that picture was taken was like many in England, blustery and cool, partly sunny but largely not, but it was a great visit nonetheless.

Looking back I think I realize the connection between these two pics. My trusty London map has been to the UK more times than I have, because Star took it with her during her own London trip. I hadn't remembered this until I came across the map in my desk at home, and then it seemed very precious. Having something that went along with Star on one of her adventures is like owning Bilbo Baggins' travelling* cloak.

New favorite lyric:

"Dreams that are towers that rise above
The bower of dreams where I lie with my love
Dreams that fly from our hearts to each other
Shared thoughts of our love under the covers"

Artist: B-52's (B-52's)
Song: Dreamland
Album: Cosmic Thing

*I thought the British spelling only appropriate in this context.

What's Going On?

That title is not a Marvin Gaye reference, but I am sure Mr. Gaye would totally have grooved* on my blog.

I bought my first linen jacket last week, and I am wearing it today. The jacket, which I got at Daffy's, natch, is a dark blue that’s lighter than navy (one of my most hated of colors) yet darker than royal, and it’s really snazzy. It’s just a wee bit big for me in terms of width, but the sleeves and shoulders are fine. Maybe I’ll get the thing altered a bit so it’s more form-fitting. But I like!

A bunch of us played Descent last weekend, with the full benefits of electric lights, and it was fun. The rules are totally non-intuitive so it’s not a quick game, but I had a great time dropping ice storms on those pesky hellhounds, and others seemed to enjoy it as well. We didn’t all drop ice storms though; the other players were using weapons. In case you were wondering.

The scavenger hunt was a success, despite the distressing absence of VisMajor. We came in a strong first place, leaving the runners-up way in the dust. They sucked. Harsh words but true.

I’m not a huge fan of red meat…except when it’s barbecued. I could chomp through a whole herd of sheep if they came off the grill. We got great BBQ at the Sarcas-home Sunday, and although none of it was sheep I happily stuffed my face nonetheless. There was pie too, and brownies. Oh, the face-stuffing!

New favorite lyric:

“You were born to touch, born to want too much
Let the bodies fall, you were born to have it all”

Song: Born to Have it All
Artist: Katie Irving (Pino Donaggio)
Album: Carrie (Original Soundtrack)

*For some reason I wanted to write "have grooven." It seemed strangely grammatical.

I love this stuff

Here's a bill that truly addresses a burning social need. I wonder if the South Carolina legislature will follow it up with requirements that women send their fetuses a Hallmark card, and maybe hold a "I Just Had an Abortion" party in their honor.

(Anytime South Carolina wants to secede from the union again...why, that's just fine and dandy with me. If they take Alabama and Texas with them, so much the better.)

In case you didn't know, the 16th annual Philadelphia Film Festival's in town, so grab you a catalog and start blocking out your movies. I'm going to do four or five, the names of which I'll email around to interested (and disinterested) parties.

Has anyone played "Descent", the dungeon-crawling boardgame that weights half a metric ton? It's neat. Dan and I lost power last Friday night, so we played by candlelight, raising the geek quotient of the experience by an extra order of magnitude. It was fun. Unfortunately, our heat is electric, so as the geekitude rose the temperature fell. That part was less fun. The whole experience made me realize that people who lived before electric lights must have hated their lives.

An angry proposal

When a Democratic president lies under oath, it’s an offense worthy of impeachment. When a Republican staffer lies under oath, it’s a “non-crime” that “should never have been prosecuted” and is worthy of a presidential pardon. I’m beginning to think that Clinton should have pardoned himself.

I was remarking to someone the other day that everything liberals predicted about the Bush presidency has come to pass. We said Iraq was a quagmire waiting to happen and we were right. We said that the PATRIOT act would lead to flagrant abuse and we were right about that, too. We said that a “take no prisoners” attitude to foreign policy would be produce nothing but alienated friends and more powerful enemies and it seems we got that right as well. Correct on every single issue.

What should we do about this? I have two proposals.

We forgive those Americans who voted for Bush in 2000. Even though the man had a record of non-accomplishment (according to the dearly-departed Molly Ivins, Bush failed upwardly in business), no one could reasonably have predicted he would fuck things up as thoroughly and horrifically as he has. Reasonable people can expect conservative presidents to cut taxes for the wealthy, slash services for the poor and use gays as political punching bags, but with a historically unprecedented and disastrous preemptive war and a massive rollback of civil rights Bush was quite the overachiever.

We set a ban on voting upon all those who supported Bush in 2004. Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, prevent me from electing any more presidents until I smarten the hell up. After four years of watching His Fraudulency blunder his way through foreign, domestic and economic policy, always using the destruction of the World Trade Center as a handy justification, these people had ample opportunity to get into their heads what liberals knew from the start. Many of these have repented, and although I welcome their change of heart, intransigence has its price. They helped bollix up the nation, so if they can’t come up with a solution (and so far they haven’t) it’s only fair that they stand aside while the more level-headed among us fix it.

New favorite lyric:

“Caroline talks to you softly sometimes
She says, ‘I love you’ and ‘Too much’
She doesn’t have anything you’d want to steal
Well, nothing you can touch”

Artist: Psychedelic Furs (Richard Butler)
Song: Pretty in Pink
Album: Talk, Talk, Talk

Mmmmm

Heh…I like being vindicated. This is hardly the first study that shows that a majority of Americans want universal health care and are willing to pay for it, but it’s refreshing nonetheless. After years of gaping at widespread public support for the steaming puddle of madness that is this nation’s current foreign policy, it’s nice to see that Americans are sane on at least one topic.

Oh the hurting! I twisted my back in a major way playing Ultimate this weekend, and I’m only now feeling halfway normal. Thanks for the sympathy, but it’s really all my fault; I’m just too damn old to play the way I do. Argh.

True things (I think)

Here's some stuff I've found to be true.

1. Most people make the majority of their decisions emotionally, so giving them rational arguments is like offering ice cream to a Eskimo.
2. Dogs are almost always faster than you expect.
3. No matter how bad you think things are, they can always get worse.
4. People change their opinions when they're ready, not because of countervailing evidence or because you want them to.
5. It's not what you say; it's how you say it.
6. A good leader wears authority not like a golden crown but as a normal suit of clothes. He soon forgets what he's wearing, but everyone else sees it.
7. I don't look good in green.
8. The people who make a point of telling you how straightforward they are usually turn out to be the most dishonest.
9. If you can't explain a good idea in two minutes, it's probably not very good.
10. At least 30% of the corporate world possesses no discernable talent other than a knack for self-promotion.
11. Three Krispy Kreme donuts eaten in the span of five minutes is NOT a good idea.
12. A resolve not to suppress your feelings is not an excuse to be mean to others.
13. Keep your damn advice to yourself. It usually sucks anyway.
14. A knowing smile is one of the surest ways to ruin someone's day.
15. When you start a new job, it's best to use your ears more and your mouth less.
16. Don't carry pens in your pocket. Seriously.

I'll probably think of more later, but this'll do for now.

New favorite lyric:

"I wanna be a big shot and have ninety cars
I wanna have a boyfriend and a girl for laughs
But only on Saturdays, six days to be alone
With just me, myself, I"

Artist: Joan Armatrading (Joan Armatrading)
Song: Me Myself I
Album: Me Myself I

In an email, my friend Cathy included this delightful observation:

Did you ever notice sometimes when you go to typing, your fingers start on the wrong keys? When that happens to me, my name looks like "Cujo."

Freakin' awesome.

New favorite lyric:

"A bridge to cross, a cross to spare
Pass it around, too much to bear
A genius plan, I'll give 'em that
We've all been bad but Eve took the rap."

Artist: Kathy Valentine (Kathy Valentine)
Song: Creation Myth
Album: Light Years

Yuh-huh...

If England withdraws troops, it's a positive sign. If the U.S. withdraws troops, or even votes on a non-binding resolution opposing the troop escalation, it's validating terrorist strategy. Isn't that what we call "flip-flopping"?

Added a new link my to bro's live journal on the side, there. Click! Click!

As you may know, my self-created RPG Altonomy (a.k.a. Winged Cheetahs) is going through some rules updates, so look for a new edition within the next year. This one will actually be available for sale; the other wasn't bound properly and I just couldn't in good conscience charge for it. If you want a copy drop me a line and you'll get one for nothing (well, if I have to mail it you'll pay postage).

New favorite lyric:

"And when the world stopped spinning 'round
I picked the pan up off the ground
I read my upheaves much like tea leaves
They said it's over so get sober or you'll die
Again"

Artist: Jay Brannan (Jay Brannan)*
Song: Soda Shop
Album: Soundtrack of "Short Bus"

*This guy has on Youtube a video of him singing this song. The video is annoying since he spends the first three minutes talking about the IMDB brush-off "Short Bus" has gotten, but hang in there. The song, which is admittedly about nothing very important, is cute, charming and very singable.

As Bad as Schizophrenia

My mom (TrackerMom) told me this story, which I suppose is insulting but I find incredibly funny.

TrackerMom meets up with a long-time friend for shopping, lunch, etc. During conversation, the fact that TrackerMom's elder son (me) is gay. Also during conversation comes up the fact that Friend has a friend who's daughter (we'll call her Trisha) is schizophrenic. Friend then says:

"Well, I guess every family has its burden. My friend has Trisha, you have Neil."

TrackerMom was not amused, but I sure am! I've been trying to come up with catchy, brief copy for a commemorative t-shirt; if anything deserves to end up emblazoned across my skinny chest, it's that. Comments are solicited.

New favorite lyric:

"So now I blame my problems and the fact that I have no girlfriend on the government
It gets me through the day, and what the hey, I'm young and single and I'm lovin' it
And if you believe that, you're a moron."

Artist: Sean McGarry (Sean McGarry)*
Song: Shades and Walkman
Album: N/A

*Yup, it's that Sean McGarry. Love this song. So. Much.

On the next episode of Immigration Theatre...

...Bank of America makes its stunning debut!

This is just another punchline to the joke of the national immigration debate. We're told how evil illegal immigrants are, while American businesses are scrambling to exploit their labor and, now, their finances.

::shakes head::

New favorite lyric:

"They say 'We're looking for illegal immigrants, can we check your car?'"
I say, 'You know it's funny, I think we were on the same boat back in 1694.'"

Artist: Indigo Girls (Amy Ray)
Song: Shame on You
Album: Shaming of the Sun

Got this from EverMike

And now you must read it!

1. What time did you get up this morning? 6:40 a.m.
2. Diamonds or Pearls? Uh, I guess diamonds since they’re worth more.
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Children of Men.
4. What is your favorite TV show? I only watch one thing, so I guess “Battlestar Galactica.”
5. What did you have for breakfast? One granny smith apple.
6. What is your middle name? Don’t have one.
7. What is your favorite cuisine? Hmm…overall, probably Italian.
8. What food do you dislike? Fish and bananas.
9. Your favorite chip? I’m currently digging Soy Crisps from Whole Foods.
10. What is your favorite CD at the moment? Kathy Valentine’s “Light Years.”
11. What kind of car do you drive? A 1993 Toyota Corolla.
12. Favorite Sandwich? Currently, bacon and turkey with American cheese on flatbread. With honey mustard.
13. What characteristics do you despise? Phoniness and rudeness, in that order.
14. What are your favorite clothes? From my closet? My white-and-black vertically striped long-sleeved shirt, over which I like to wear this Italian light denim-ish jacket. It’s cut like a sport coat and fits me like a dream. And my fake snakeskin jacket. (Babyraven knows.)
15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation? I’ve already been to London, so…
16. What color are your eyes? Brown
17. ??? This is definitely a trick question.
18. Where would you want to retire? San Francisco, I think.
19. Favorite time of day? Early evening, when the shadows are going the other way but the sun is still up.
20. Where were you born? Philadelphia.
21. What is your favorite sport to watch? Ultimate Frisbee or lacrosse.
22. Who do you think will not send this back? I’m bloggin’ it.
23. Person you expect to send it back first? Nobody. I am blogging this bad-boy.
24. Pepsi or Coke? Diet Coke.
25. Cats or Dogs? Dogs
26. Are you a morning person or a night owl? Night owl.
27. Pedicure or manicure? Pedicure, I guess. My feet are hideous.
28. Do you prefer funny or mushy cards? Funny.
29. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with everyone? Uh, I got a B+ on my case study?
30. What did you want to be when you were little? First a wizard, then a Colonial warrior, then a novelist.
31. What do you have in your trunk right now? All the accoutrement necessary for a game of Ultimate: cleats, cones and discs. And a spare tire, which in case you were wondering is NOT necessary for a game of Ultimate.
32. What is your best childhood memory? Dividing my summer days between swimming at the pool and researching vampires at the public library.
33. What are all the different jobs you have had in your life? Hmm…mail room clerk, file clerk, permissions assistant, new files clerk, new files supervisor, editorial assistant, editor, senior editor, production assistant, document production specialist. Some were part-time.
34. What is your favorite Holiday? Halloween.
35. What is your favorite dessert? Double-Stuf Oreos, chocolate-covered Nutter Butters, chocolate cake, all of the above with milk.
36. Favorite Summer getaway? Montreal!
37. Ever been to Africa? Nah.
38. Glasses or Contacts? LASIK surgery baby!
39. Ever been toilet papering? Nope.
40. Been in a car accident? Three accidents, two injuries, and not one claim against me. I stand by my record.
41. Favorite day of the week? Friday.
42. Favorite restaurant? Maybe 10th Street Pourhouse.
43. Favorite flower? Wooden ones I don’t have to water.
44. Favorite movies? Aliens, The Little Girl Who Lives Down the Lane, Carrie, Hedwig and the Angry Inch.
45. Favorite Past time? Tabletop combat and Ultimate.
46. Favorite ice cream? Chocolate.
47. Favorite fast food restaurant? Ishkabibbles
48. How many times did you fail your drivers test? Once.
49. From whom did you get your last email? VisMajor.
50. Sandals or tennis shoes? I prefer hiking shoes
51. At which store would you choose to max out your credit card? Daffy’s.
52. If the speed limit is 60 what is the fastest you will drive? 65.
53. What is your bedtime? On weekdays, around midnight.
54. Whose response to this are you most curious about? The comments box won’t hold one anyway.
55. Last person you went to dinner with? Ed and Mike.
56. What are you listening to right now? Madonna's "Like a Prayer."
57. What is your favorite color? Blue.
58. How many tattoos do you have? None for me, thanks.
59. How many people are you sending this Email to? Blog only.
60. What time did you finish this email? Twoish

New favorite lyric:

“It knocks me out when she acts so strange
Like a Big Mac truck cut across two lines of my soul
Conductor, let’s throw some metal down, roll”

Artist: Liz Phair (Liz Phair, Scott Litt)
Song: Baby Got Going
Album: whitechocolatespaceegg