Wednesday, March 24, 2004

A Very "Ist" Post

If you're overly sensitive about "isms", skip this post now instead of writing me angry emails later.

There's a guy who works in my office who is a tremendous lech. The problem is that he's also tremendously unattractive, yet completely unaware of that fact...a deadly combination. I've seen this before with straight guys, and it never fails to amaze me. Why on earth do they think women will rush into their arms if those arms are really really unattractive?

I'm not proposing that all straight guys become gymbots; hell, there are lots of men who are perfectly attractive and who don't have 30-inch waists or visible abdominal muscles. However, there is just no excuse for untrimmed nose hair, stubble, and visible carpenter's crack. Straight guys, I know you don't like to tuck in your shirts, but for crying out loud, at least buy shirts that fit! Here's a tip: If the juncture of sleeve and torso hangs three inches below your armpit, the shirt is too big. Also, stop it with the pants that hang around your hips with the crotch somewhere between your knees. I know you think we gay men won't look at your asses if you wear almighty big pants, but guess what? We look anyway.

Thankfully, the straight guys who come to Movie Night wear clothes in their size, else I might have to start naming names. BTW, I wouldn't have sex with the office lech unless that sex involved me beating him senseless with a dead monkey. A ripe one.

Tuesday, March 16, 2004

Tales from the Restroom

I work in a dreadful office complex in Bala Cynwyd, and to escape my increasingly dreadful job I walk 3-4 miles every day at lunch. On the way back, I sometimes stop in the 1st-floor restroom on the way back to my desk. It's always an adventure. One time I was treated to the unmistakable sound of someone in one of the stalls, uh, entertaining himself. Yes. Last week I was in there and the guy two sinks down starts splashing water into his face with cupped hands, making all these snorting and snuffling sounds. I thought he was trying to drown himself until I realized he was blowing his nose in the sink. I thought, "Dude...I'm right here!", but he kept right on, oblivious.

Sometimes, I have learned, it's better to hold it until the 4th floor.

Friday, March 12, 2004

Oh frabjous day!

For the first time in a long, long while, I had a marvelous day at work yesterday. (Today ain't too bad, neither.) Why, you ask? Because my VP, the cute but useless exec who has completely blown off my very valid concerns, and whose wife makes lousy cookies, has been demoted. Tee-hee! They even kicked him out of his corner office. When I heard this I literally spun my chair around and said, "Whee!" I don't recall that German word for taking pleasure in the discomfiture of others, but whatever it is, I'm feeling it. It's not pleasure; it's a nearly orgasmic joy. In honor of the occasion, I went home and ordered a pepperoni pizza, which I shared with Sean whilst watching Babylon 5.

BTW, Sean is getting into B5, which thrills me since I can now discuss it with him as well. Yay!

Monday, March 08, 2004

The Coat of Doom!

My lovely, expensive new waistcoat has arrived, in all its glory. For those of you out of the loop, this bad boy is a gold brocade be-buttoned waistcoat with velvet trim at the cuffs and collar, and it's sweet. I was nervous about ordering it online (International Male sizes are, uh, interesting), but it fits pretty well. I'd prefer if it were a bit looser around the chest, but since the shoulders and sleeves fit so well I don't dare move up to a medium. Now I just need a formal event to which to wear the thing.

(Yes, I did use the word "be-buttoned", which means festooned with buttons. I am an editor; I get to make up words. Live with it!)

Dan, Star and I played Dan's new card game last night, and had a good time. I nearly would have won if it weren't for those meddling geeks! We even came up with a new name that I'll not reveal here until Dan gives me the nod. Check out his Peccable Productions for news.

Wednesday, March 03, 2004

The stage is set...

...and John Kerry stands at its center. I despise the fact that I feel obliged to vote for him, just to get that dreadful George Bush out of office. The Democrats and Republicans have constructed a system in which a vote for a third-party candidate - any third-party candidate - is a vote for the major-party candidate who winds up winning. Therefore, Americans wind up voting not their hopes, but their fears. As a voter who plans to support Kerry, I am not above this. If we had instant run-off elections, we could vote our hopes and not our fears.

That being said, I urge anyone reading this blog who feels, as I do, that George Bush has done our country a great deal of damage, to get out and vote for John Kerry. I won't hold it against anyone who decides for vote Green or Nader or Libertarian (I like voting Green myself), but I feel strongly that this is not the election to stand on principle. If we can shoot that Texas cowboy out of the saddle we'll have done the country more long-term good than we will by voting independent. The Democrats certainly aren't the heroes of the story, but there's no way John Kerry can be worse than His Fraudulency. No way in hell.

Monday, March 01, 2004

Humble Pie Post

I've been rather self-complimentary in previous posts, so to balance the scale I thought I'd spend some time discussing one of my faults. Most people aren't aware of this, but when provoked I have a very nasty temper. It takes quite a bit to provoke me to that extent, but when it happens, it ain't pretty. In that state I'm worse than stubborn; I'm defiant. I will not only stand my ground; I will defend it tooth and nail against anyone who looks at it cross-eyed. That temper sometimes provokes me to say more than I should, or press harder than is wise.

To my credit, I submit that I rarely get that worked up over anything. I'm generally pretty laid-back in terms of my responses, which may explain why I overreact when someone f*cks with me.