I don't know what to title this

Xmas is the only thing that makes me look forward to January. Oh, indeed. *

This being the holidays, I thought it was an appropriate time to say that I dislike sweaters. Not the concept of sweaters, mind you; I just don't like them on me. They always look stretched or saggy or something. I have exactly one sweater than has ever looked good on me, and I rarely wear it for fear that it will stretch, sag, etc. Down with them! **

I walked by Isgro the other day (for the uninitiate, Isgro is an Italian bakery that makes a marscapone eclair to die for), and there was a huge line complete with - get this - police for crowd control. Seriously. Evidently the city has not forgotten the hard lessons of the Cannoli Riot of '63. I felt sorry for those folks waiting because a trip to Isgro isn't quick on a normal day, but if you're fortieth in the queue? *** Cancel your plans for New Year's.

* I am watching "The Wire" and this is one of the pet sayings of my favorite character Omar. He's gay, he's hot, he carries a shotgun, and everyone fears him. I want to grow up to be Omar.

** For some reason,I kept typing "sweather" and having to go back and correct. More reason for dislike sweaters.

*** Why in this country is everything considered to be "in line" and not "in queue", except for documents you send to a printer?

Hey Star!

It's another year since you left us, and so much has happened I don't know where to begin. Lots has changed, and mostly for the better. I'll probably forget to mention something, but as I am sure you have Internet access where you are, you probably know it all anyway.

Feanor and Poppy are on their way to the Land of Parenthood, and your sister is in the Empire of Expanded Families. So there are all kinds of young minds to be properly introduced to the joys of zombies, video games and 80's New Wave. Personally, the notion of being responsible for a small human terrifies me, but they seem well prepared and less terrified.

Babyraven and the SO are comfortably ensconced in a house, yay, which is far larger than mine and has an upstairs living room to die for. Said living room is perfect for Beatles Rock Band, which I am so angry you missed. Unless of course you are playing the real thing with John and George, in which case I am angry to be missing it. Babs is going to India next month too...exciting! Oh, and there is also a basement in which I am told the SO is working on something strange and robotic. I told him, "If we end up on a rag-tag fleet fleeing through space from murderous robots, I am going to be so mad at you!"

Dan and I are - get this - just finishing up a novel. Really. I don't particularly enjoy writing fiction, and I have never fancied the idea of collaborating, but in this case both have worked out really well. We hope to begin peddling the thing within a few weeks, which is a blessed relief. Rejection I can handle; rewriting a chapter for the third time...that's hard. Speaking of rejection, my comedy adventures continue. I have now played for near-empty rooms, aging lesbians, drunken suburban housewives and gay club clones, so all that's left are hobbits. Now that I have gotten on the regular rotation of a local comedy club I perform often (although not for hobbits). I get to take audiences on a trip through my mind, and if I have done my job right, they enjoy the ride. Although I will confess to one or two moments in which I am mentally reworking my resume, on the whole stand-up comedy is a blast. An absolute fucking blast.

There's no doubt a bunch of other stuff I left out, but what I'm including is that everyone still thinks about you, and misses you awfully. You said once on your blog that the only monument you wanted to leave behind was your body of work. Although you have succeeded (if you doubt, try Googling "Slouching Towards Bedlam and see how many hits you get), I think an even more impressive monument is the fingerprint you left on our lives. I know I am not the same since you left, and although I wish you were still with us, I am grateful for the lessons you taught me in your departure.

Eight months in the dying...

...WolfBlock, my erstwhile employer, has finally breathed its last. The firm is out of money, and since I don't work for free (except on stage), I'm out of there and out of a job. So in mere moments I will browse to the Web site of the Commonwealth of PA and make my first-ever application for unemployment benefits.

Last night, Dan and I had the following "Life of Brian" conversation:

Me: I've been fully employed, underemployed and unemployed on and off since 2006. We haven't been able to spend money for the last three years.

Dan: Umm...well, we did buy the house.

Me: Yeah, but that's just a place to live.

Dan: There was also the grill. The ceiling fan. The dining room chairs. The guest bed. The TV. The XBox, the DVD player...

Me: OK, well except for the house, the grill, the ceiling fan, the dining room chairs, the guest bed, the TV, the XBox, and the DVD player, we haven't bought anything for the last three years.

Dan: There were those new coats last winter, too.

Me: Get me a cupcake.

I don't often tip my hat to the RNC...

...but today, I tip. Apparently, the RNC will no longer offer its employees an insurance plan that covers abortions. I find this pleasingly consistent of them. After all, given how the Republicans are rupturing themselves over Stupak amendments and that nonsense, the least they can do is Stupak their own damned insurance policy. Besides, given how many Republicans are gay, this change will likely have very little impact on any actual Republicans.

A few things

I got about my day blissfully unaware that the local Transit Workers Union is, once again, on strike. Instead of going through this folderol every three years, maybe someday the commonwealth will require mandatory binding arbitration. Until then, folderol. I'm just glad that the strike directly affects neither Dan nor I.

Voted this morning on the way to work, and as expected, the place was a graveyard. No ballot questions, for which I was profoundly grateful. I normally research that kind of thing before I get to the poll, but this year I was forgetful.

On a national level, the Republicans have decided to boycott committee work on a climate bill. I don't know why anyone should be surprised by this, really. The GOP has been out to lunch on this issue for years; at least now they acknowledge their absence. Maybe they should just check out until January 2011, when they will either have gained enough seats to sustain a Republican filibuster or lost enough so that Democrats need never worry about another.

Had a great game last night, from which I am still sore. Although the result was a tie (the lights went out early), I played well, handling the disc several times per point, getting a defense on the line and making two successful passes on the goal. That makes up for last week's game, in which my hands were two great insensate lumps of clumsiness.


*Given how many dead Philadelphians vote, that comparison is more apt than I intended.

Stuff I have seen

Amazing dexterity! I was at the hardware store yesterday, inquiring about a replacement light bulb...one of those ring-shaped ones. As the not-unattractive young man who was assisting me took one box from the rack, two others fell in rapid succession, and he caught them - BAM! BAM! - with one hand. My reaction: Damn.

Unmitigated gall! Dan and I were at a Chinese restaurant not far from another pair of diners, one of whom was loud and rude. Dan whispered to me, "I haven't even seen him and I know he's in sales." As we were paying the bill and getting ready to leave, the suspected salesman starts up a shockingly racist imitation of Chinese people, in the same loud tone of voice that I am sure the staff heard. My reaction: Douchebag!

Fashion flogging! During my normal morning walk, I pass a drycleaning shop that always features a lovely wedding gown, on a dressform, in the window. This morning that dress (and its form) were on the sidewalk, being beaten with a flyswatter wielded by a man I assume was the owner. He was no doubt beating out dust, but in my head I kept hearing, "Bad bride! Bad, bad bride!" My reaction: Hit harder!

Biscuits 'n chocolate 'n feelin' good

Right now I am eating biscuits and chasing them with chocolate, because I saved up the calories all day and I am damn well going to spend them before bed. I am also rewarding myself for a pretty decent performance at a seriously dive bar in Norristown tonight. About half the crowd wasn't paying attention, but of those that were, I totally got good laughs. I even got heckled by this woman who looked alarmingly like a frog**, so I followed the advice of Zen and the Art of Stand-Up Comedy and gave her the attention she seemed to want, and she was satisfied and hopped back on her lillypad. And once again the Yoo-hoo joked worked like a charm. Sweet.

Oh, and a big thanks to Rosemary for her thoughtful birthday gift of Antony Beevo's Stalingrad, which details what might well be the most brutal battle of WWII. The more I learn about Stalin's regime, the more I think it might have been better if the Allies had waited until after the Soviets were defeated to cream Hitler.

**Yes, I am making fun of an audience member on my blog. Those who heckle comedians are bad and wrong and I reserve the right to say they look like frogs. So there.