Wednesday, March 14, 2007

An angry proposal

When a Democratic president lies under oath, it’s an offense worthy of impeachment. When a Republican staffer lies under oath, it’s a “non-crime” that “should never have been prosecuted” and is worthy of a presidential pardon. I’m beginning to think that Clinton should have pardoned himself.

I was remarking to someone the other day that everything liberals predicted about the Bush presidency has come to pass. We said Iraq was a quagmire waiting to happen and we were right. We said that the PATRIOT act would lead to flagrant abuse and we were right about that, too. We said that a “take no prisoners” attitude to foreign policy would be produce nothing but alienated friends and more powerful enemies and it seems we got that right as well. Correct on every single issue.

What should we do about this? I have two proposals.

We forgive those Americans who voted for Bush in 2000. Even though the man had a record of non-accomplishment (according to the dearly-departed Molly Ivins, Bush failed upwardly in business), no one could reasonably have predicted he would fuck things up as thoroughly and horrifically as he has. Reasonable people can expect conservative presidents to cut taxes for the wealthy, slash services for the poor and use gays as political punching bags, but with a historically unprecedented and disastrous preemptive war and a massive rollback of civil rights Bush was quite the overachiever.

We set a ban on voting upon all those who supported Bush in 2004. Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, prevent me from electing any more presidents until I smarten the hell up. After four years of watching His Fraudulency blunder his way through foreign, domestic and economic policy, always using the destruction of the World Trade Center as a handy justification, these people had ample opportunity to get into their heads what liberals knew from the start. Many of these have repented, and although I welcome their change of heart, intransigence has its price. They helped bollix up the nation, so if they can’t come up with a solution (and so far they haven’t) it’s only fair that they stand aside while the more level-headed among us fix it.

New favorite lyric:

“Caroline talks to you softly sometimes
She says, ‘I love you’ and ‘Too much’
She doesn’t have anything you’d want to steal
Well, nothing you can touch”

Artist: Psychedelic Furs (Richard Butler)
Song: Pretty in Pink
Album: Talk, Talk, Talk


Blogger Daniel J. Linehan said...

Dude, we totally have a solution. It goes like so:

Step one: Bomb Iran.

Step two: ?

Step three: Profit!

5:22 PM  

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