Now it's two things

I don’t mean to bring anyone down, but this has been on my mind since it happened, and I’m hoping blogging will help me get over it.

Yesterday morning, Dan and I were enjoying a brisk walk on Lombard Street, heading west, when at 17^th we saw some kind of commotion about a half-block ahead. A woman walking toward us, who was closer, saw it too, and when she turned and hurried in that direction I knew something was wrong. I saw a guy in a white t-shirt running around the corner away from a woman now sitting on a step, and when Dan and I ran over, she was bleeding from a cut on her nose. Turns out that two guys held her up at gunpoint, took her purse, then to add injury to injury, whacked her across the face with the gun. Yep…evidently robbing her and scaring her out of her wits wasn’t enough. I suppose I should be grateful they hit her with the gun instead of shooting her with it, but come on! What kind of person does that?

Obviously there wasn’t much we could do except call the police and wait with her until they arrived. I went in the direction the muggers had gone, hoping they’d discarded her purse once they took her valuables (wallet, cash, etc.), but either they didn’t drop it or I didn’t see it. She was completely freaked out, in no small part because these thugs had her apartment keys and her ID, which means they now have an all-access pass to her home. You know, just in case the trauma of robbery wasn’t enough, there was also the hovering fear of future violence. In her home.

At first I was just sort of scared and sympathetic, but after about fifteen minutes I got really, really angry. It’s not that I’ve never heard of this sort of thing before; not only did I grow up in a slum, but someone I know was mugged in the not-too-distant past. Seeing the actual event, though, made it more real somehow, and more infuriating. I found myself hoping that she had scorpions in that purse that would sting those thugs and make them swell up like autumn pumpkins or something. For a second I thought, “Dammit, I should start voting Republican!” but then I remembered that they’d just send more money to Iraq and not really cut crime.

Later that day in work, I spoke to a coworker who said she's currently growing her hair out so that she can donate it to an organization that makes wigs from donated hair for kids with cancer. That made me feel better than any thought of retribution against those muggers. (Although a purse of scorpions is nothing to despise, either.)

Have you ever noticed...

...that when someone says, "I'm not racist, but..." that he/she's about to say something racist?

So the Governator is sending the National Guard to patrol the California borders. Here's the man himself:

"We are doing this, may I remind you, reluctantly,'' Schwarzenegger said. ``It's not my preference to send the National Guard to do this mission. But under the circumstances, to help the federal government to secure our borders, because that is our No. 1 concern.''

So he's reluctantly seeing to the state's #1 concern? Uh-huh...Arnold, I hear they're filming "Red Sonja II", so if you leave now you'll just have time to warm up the Hummer.

Building fences and patrolling borders to keep out immigrants is like leaving three weeks' of leftovers on the kitchen floor and then deciding that the way to fight the bugs is to surround it with roach traps. If we truly want to stem the flow of illegal immigrants, we'd do alot better to make sure nobody wants to hire them. Those folks aren't sneaking in from Mexico to see "X-Men 3", after all; they're coming to make money. I think capitalism has taught us that where there is a demand there will be a supply, so as long as there's work the border-jumpers will keep jumping.

Still, there's something amusing about us building hundreds of miles of fence to keep out the people who make possible the cheap produce and housing Americans won't do without. Sad and amusing.

I Have Seen My Alternate-Universe Self

The other day, whilst near 11th & Locust, I saw this obviously deranged homeless guy coming towards me, muttering to himself. I thought it was just standard psycho-mumbling, which every Center City dweller knows well, but it turned out to be way better. The homeless guy was not just talking to imaginary people, but complaining about the clothing of another man on the street who was wearing the straight-boy summer uniform (striped, short-sleeved polo shirt, khaki shorts and flip-flops) . Yes...he was disparaging the clothing of passers-by.

I love the city.

Answers, please

This being an election day, whilst out walking this morning I pondered this burning question: Should Americans who don't vote be penalized?

I used to be a dedicated non-voter, so for me to even consider such a thing is pretty darn surprising. Although I'm loath to penalize people for failing to exercise a right, at the same time our democracy* does not function properly when less than half the eligible population bothers to cast a ballot. I'm honestly divided about it, and I'm curious to hear what others think.

* BTW, don't tell me, "But we live in a republic, not a democracy", because it's the same damned thing. A republic is governed by democratically elected officials, so although the US is not a direct democracy, it's a democracy nonetheless. One of my pet peeves is pointing out the meaningless distinction between the two, so don't do it or I'll think mean things about you.

Did anyone see this movie?

Before I get to the movie part, I realize I have abused my exclamation point privileges in my recent blog headers. I acknowledge your unspoken scorn.

Now with the movie. Dan was off in the wilds of North Jersey today, so I had opportunity to claim the sofa as my own and watch movies most of the day. (This was preceded by a five-mile walk in gorgeous weather...how can anyone stay inside on a day like this?) Has anyone seen "The Grizzly Man"? Am I uncharitable for thinking Timothy Treadwell was mentally unbalanced? First of all, he was the most nelly-sounding straight man you're likely to run across. Second, he vacillated between peace-and-love nature burbling and voice-cracking near-hysterical rage at the federal park agents who were apparently his nemeses. Third, he interpreted smiley faces on rocks as threats. Admittedly, the first thing doesn't indicate unbalanced, but the others definitely put Treadwell in the I'll-boil-your-rabbit category. Except I guess he wouldn't boil your rabbit, being all naturery.

While I'm blogging, can I say how much I am enjoying Galactic Civilizations II? Now that I have the chance to captain a galactic power, I understand how Dan and Sarcasmo got so evil playing Sim City. For example, when in one game the Terran Alliance failed to respond to my best efforts at diplomacy, I let my space marines take over negotiations. Nothin' like blowing up sixteen frigates to get someone's attention. One game before that I played paladin by liberating planets conquered by the Iconian Refuge and giving them away for free to the other, less powerful races. Of course, I made sure to place historic enemies next to each other to ensure they'd fight each other and not me. That's why the sun never set on my empire. The other night I won a technology victory, which means our tech got so good my people just turned into energy beings and floated away. That was nice, but what I really wanted was to go all Vorlon and influence the other races into fighting for my edification and pleasure. Stupid lesser races.

Again with the Sex Dwarf!

Another great night of dancing at Sex Dwarf, this time with a B-52's theme. Babyraven was a knockout in a black velvet dress, high boots, and a blonde hair extension that, in her words, made her a cross between Jeannie (as in I Dream Of) and Madonna in her "Blonde Icon" days. Truth be told, she was in good company; there were lots of fine-looking women there. Either I'm getting straight or else the male beauty quotient was pretty low that night.

(Don't all rush to comment that it must have been the latter. I already know.)

Anyway, part of the B-52's theme was wigs, big wigs, and lots of 'em were pink, so every time I turned around I saw Cyn. It was both sad and disturbing, and I shared this with Babs and Mouserobot. MR said they were Cyn-posters, and I upped the ante by calling them Cyn-thetic. Babs just shook her head and said, "That shit ain't right."

What is right, however, is that next month is the Sex Dwarf prom, and I'm all drooly over it. (This is due in no small amount to the fact that the only way I was going to my senior prom was if I could sit in the rafters with a bucket of blood.) So many unanswered questions! Will we slow dance to "Eternal Flame"? Will we pose for pictures under an ivy-entwined trellis? Will we get to elect a prom queen? Probably not, but it will no doubt still be a blast.

Me in Print!

Yay! The Winter 2006 issue of Rhapsoidia was finally released, which marks the first print publication of my short story "Sidney's Gift." Trust me, that sucker was rejected many, many times, but I guess persistence (or outright stubbornness) pays...in a single contributor copy, anyway. I'll order more when they're available for sale, as I am certain my mother will be all over me for one.

I'd thought of having a got-published party, but that seemed a bit forward since it's only a small literary rag that maybe 300 people will read, and for which I was paid zilch. If I'm to celebrate that kind of milestone, I had as well plan the somebody-breathed party, or the day-that-ends-in"y" party. Still, it's nice to finally see that story in print; it really is the strongest thing I've ever written. Of course, when I look at it these days all I can see are the mistakes, but I suppose that's natural. Still...yay me!

I saw Mr. Sulu!

As you know, George Takei, who played Mr. Sulu on "Star Trek", recently outed himself, and since then he's been doing speaking tours for the Human Rights Campaign. Tonight was the inaugural speech, and Dan and I were there. It was great! Takei was a great speaker, and he has a really infectious laugh. His speech was short (about 10 minutes) but stirring, and he had Q&A for nearly an hour afterward. There were about sixty or seventy people there, and they by and large asked great questions. He then hung around to speak with folks, sign autographs, etc., but we cut out at that point. I'm a bit leery of asking celebrities for autographs; it always makes me feel intrusive. I realize Takei does this for a living, but I still can't shake the feeling.

Takei talked about his childhood growing up in the Japanese-American internment camps, and he was so eloquent I couldn't help but feel a sense of shame for my own country. (Interning American of Japanese decent was not good...suck it, Michele Malkin!) Still, he spoke mostly of his sense of pride in America, and it was a good reminder that, even with a country under such fucked-up leadership as ours, that the US is a great place to be.

Oh, and can I say it's awesome that a sister was driving the Enterprise?

Yay for the Bay State!

As it has in same sex marriage, looks like Massachusetts is trying to lead the way on health care for all.

It's about damned time, I say. Experts say that, in the not-too-distant future, the US will spend 40% of its GNP on health care, and I just heard on NPR News a study that concluded that Americans spend more on health care and get less than about ten other nations, including Canada, England and New Zealand. Call me crazy, but I don't think the world's remaining superpower should rank behind New Zealand in anything, and particularly not something as basic and critically important as health care. The time has come for a universal health care program.

In response, I'm always hearing, "I don't want to spend my money taking care of others' health." Newsflash: We already do. Who do you think picks up the tab for those homeless people who nearly freeze to death and wind up in the ER? Or the indigent people who can't afford preventative care and wind up using (much more expensive) emergency care? That's right...the taxpayer foots the bill for all of it, except we do it when it's most expensive. Let me propose the following example to illustrate my point.

• Scenario A: Insured Tracker comes down with a nasty case of a sore throat, which unbeknownst to him is strep throat. Tracker goes to his primary care physician (at a cost of about $150), finds out the nature of his illness, and gets a prescription for an antibiotic (at a cost of about $15 to the pharmaceutical company) that clears up the infection within two weeks.
• Scenario B: Uninsured Tracker, who can't cough up the $150 for the visit, tries to wait out the sore throat, hoping for the best. When his illness becomes life-threatening he goes to the ER to find that he had strep which, having gone untreated, has now turned into a dandy case of rubella. Tracker is admitted to the hospital, which spends tens of thousands of dollars trying to save his life.

Most of you reading this are U.S. taxpayers, so I ask: Which scenario is the most cost-effective? If you said "Scenario A", you are correct; if you said, "Scenario B", you're lying because it's obvious that answer's wrong.

Gotta do it, folks, if only for economic reasons. I'm not advocating that we abolish private health care; those who can pay more should be able to get more. However, every citizen deserves at least the protection of a catastrophic health care plan. It's not just morally wise; it's fiscally responsible.

South Dakota...we dislike women AND judges

Besides the recent draconian abortion ban, here's another reason not to move to South Dakota, if any other reason were needed.

My favorite part of this proposed amendment is this...

"No immunity shall extend to any judge of this State for any deliberate violation of law, fraud or conspiracy, intentional violation of due process of law, deliberate disregard of material facts..." (Emphasis added.)

Just what does it mean to "disregard material facts"? That might mean a judge who issues an unpopular ruling can be penalized, because everyone knows that [insert issue name here] is just wrong, and the only way a judge could rule in favor of it was if he ignored the facts of the case. Very handy.

I'd like to suggest that South Dakota enact another amendment, one that outlaws deliberate fucking assholery on the part of the legislature.

Why don't they just call it GOP News?

Check out this Fox News interview with Dick Durbin.

The interviewer makes barely an effort to appear unbiased. This is my favorite part:

Chris Wallace: Senator, I want to follow up on this, because I'm a little bit surprised. You're saying that President Bush, who is the commander in chief in a time of war — you're not ruling out the possibility that he has broken the law, committed high crimes and misdemeanors, and could be subject to impeachment.

Why didn't he just say, "Senator, you're saying that a man who loves puppies and Valentine's Day, who donates excessively to charity and is oh-so-sweet to his wife could possibly have done anything wrong?"

Durbin, to his credit, refuses to be drawn, and for once I don't think it was just political double-speak. Of course he can't rule out impeachment; he needs to know more about Bush's wiretapping activities. Asking a U.S. senator if a president will be impeached if the Democrats gain control of Congress is like asking the D.A. for an indictment before an arrest has been made. It's just not something you can do.

How can anyone think Fox News is anything but a Republican mouthpiece?

And we wonder why...

...the world fears us. The United States struck a blow for less UN oversight of human rights issues worldwide. Some favorite quotes:

After voting against the new body, U.S. Ambassador John Bolton said his government is concerned that the UN members did not go far enough in ensuring that the council will have credibility.

Uh-huh. I'd say the biggest credibility gap lies with the US, author of such abuse-aramas as Guantanemo Bay and Abu-Graib. At least places like Uganda admit they torture people.

Mr. Bolton said the United States wanted council members elected by a two-thirds vote rather than a majority, and wanted a more efficient mechanism for booting violators off the council.

This from a guy who has yet to be approved by the Senate even by a majority vote, much less two-thirds. He'd better watch out the Senate doesn't boot him off the UN.

Folder Torture

The part of my office in which I work is pretty quiet, and there aren’t many people in the immediate area, so any noise can be quickly traced to its source. Just keep that in mind as I tell this.

I was trying to fit some labels I had designed into the spines of three-ring binders, and having a hell of a time not bending or tearing the labels. Just before I got to the level of frustration that equals hostage-taking, I asked the folks in the copy center how they do it. They told me they use the thin metal rail from a hanging file folder to guide the label into the binder sleeve. With this information, I returned to my desk, got out a spare hanging file and some scissors, and proceeded to cut the rail free.

QUORK! QUORK! QUORK!

That was the alarming sound of the scissors against the folder. It was unbelievably loud, as if some giant, prehistoric bird of prey was roosting in my cubicle and crying out its defiance. Before heads starting popping up over cubicle walls to see this great avian, I started nonchalantly checking my email, as if I hadn’t heard anything amiss. When the coast was clear, I returned to my cutting, this time working slowing and gently.

QQQUUUUOOORRRKKK! QQQUUUOOORRRKKK!

The sound was more prolonged but no quieter. I made as if I was absorbed in my email again, and when things had settled down, I adopted another tactic. I snipped gently at the folder to start the cut, then tore away the rest of the paper with my hands.

QUORK SSSSSHHHHHHPPPP! QUORK SSSSSHHHHHHPPPP!

I realized that, no matter what I did, that file folder was determined to raise its great voice, so I gave up on subtlety and had at it, quorking my way along until the job was done. The little metal rail was perfect for guiding the labels into the binder spines, by the way, so torturing this file folder was not without benefit.

My Second Biggest Laugh of the Day

Donald Rumsfeld, speaking before the Senate Appropriations Committee about Iraq:

"But the country is not in a civil war at the present time by most experts' calculation."

Umm...Don, if you have to bring in experts to evaluate if a nation is in a state of civil war, chances are, it is.

My biggest laugh of the day came whilst listening to Radio Times on WHYY. Tom Ferrick was discussing Pennsylvania politics, and he remarked that, in the governor's race, deeply conservative voters were going to have a terrible choice: They must choose between a black man from western Pennsylvania and Jew from Philadelphia. Tee-hee!

The Problem with Fear...

...is that, when used politically, it can turn on its wielder.

The Bush administration has spent the better part of five years telling the American people to fear all things Muslim, and now it wants us to turn our ports over to...Muslims. Hmm. So Muslims are too dangerous to let on our planes and in our buildings, but they'll do a super job running our ports?

Also, may I say it's about time Congress remembered that it, too, is mentioned in the Constitution? In fact, I believe the Constitution sets forth the makeup and powers of Congress way before it gets to the president. Let's check the document.

::riffles through files::

Here we are. Article I, Section 1:

All legislative powers herein granted shall be vested in a Congress of the United States, which shall consist of a Senate and a House of Representatives.

The noble document doesn't get to the president until Article II. That means that Congress has duties and powers all its own, and not just those delegated by the White House. Let's hope they remember that. I didn't send 19 reps and two senators to Washington to run Bush's errands, and I think most Pennsylvanians feel the same.

Now this is moxie!

This woman struck a blow for the elderly, but next time she might want to get herself a getaway driver.

Oooh! I hate them so much!

This really frosts my cookies. Earlier this year the state of Maryland passed a law (over its governor's veto) that would force the Wal-Mart's of the world to stop sucking off the public teat, but such a thing doesn't seem likely in Pennsylvania, and it's a shame.

We're told by conservatives that the "free market" is preferable to government interference, and that everything would be just fine and dandy if we'd just cut people off welfare and let private industry handle things. Uh-huh. Evidently it's OK when the private industry is the recipient of said welfare. That's what the corporate fucks call "externalizing costs", which is a eupemistic way of saying they're letting the taxpayers absorb the price of their greed. That's like when companies move from cities to lower-taxed suburban office parks, leaving the commuting costs to their employees and, ultimately, the taxpayers.

Oh, and by the way, there is no such thing as a "free market." Markets are constructions of humanity, not laws of nature like gravity. People create markets, and can damn well make sure they operate to the benefit of the many and not the few. If you have any doubt about this, just remember that it was government action that created the modern housing market, with guaranteed mortgage programs through the FHA. The government also enabled the construction of all those cozy suburban developments through investment in roads, utilities, and all of the other necessities of life. Free market...are you kidding?

Some of my favorite sayings

• Once you pay Danegeld, you never get rid of the Dane.*
• A guilty conscience is its own accuser.
• To mourn a mischief past and gone is the next way to bring new mischief on.*
• Lie down with dogs, get up with fleas.
• Short cuts make long delays**
• Where will wants not, a way opens.**
• There will be water if God wills it; we will find it if God wills it; we will drink it if God wills it.+

*Courtesy of Rudyard Kipling. Shut up, Dan!
**Courtesy of William Shakespeare
***Courtesy of JRR Tolkien
+Take this in an atheist sort of way.

Hey Inventors!

Last night Dan and I went to dinner with some friends of mine from out of state. Somehow, through a nexus of conversation about drugs and 70's children's toys, Dan proposed the EasyBake Meth Lab. That was the funniest damn thing I heard all day.

I'm in my third week at TNJ (The New Job, for those who don't remember), and most of the people there seem OK. They seriously need to discover the wonders of Quark; designing in Word is like trying to tie your shoes while wearing oven mitts. It's strange to go from being the most junior design person to the most senior, but don't take that as any testament to my design skills. A17th-century doctor only looks great when his patients are the Clan of the Cave Bear.

I love the Rules!

Have you ever heard of "The Rules"? These two women, Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider, wrote a book of dating do's and don't's for women, known as "The Rules." I'd heard of the book, but not until I paged through it at a bookstore did I realize the treasure trove of fun it truly is. Here's a few of the rules from "The Rules" for your amusement, along with my commentary.

Show up to parties, dances and social events even if you do not feel like it. This is so women can meet as many men as possible, and on the surface it sounds like good advice. Until, that is, you realize that when you attend a party when you'd rather be somewhere else you're not showing yourself at your best. Men will pick up on this, and the good ones will stay away while the bad ones swarm right in.

If you are in a long-distance relationship, he must visit you at least three times before you visit him. I'm not sure why it's three and not thirty, but Ellen and Sherrie wouldn't steer you wrong.

Close the deal; Rules women do not date men for more than two years. You see, women really just want to get married, so dating and relationships aren't about forming deep emotional bonds or getting to know yourself and someone else alot better. Women date to marry, and thus the walk down the aisle is just like signing the contract.

There are many other rules, of which I can paraphrase a few:

• You only call him once for ever three calls he makes.
• You never ask a man out on a date.
• Never accept a date for Saturday after Wednesday, even if it means sitting home alone.
• If a woman uses a dating service, she must place the ad and let men respond to her, not the other way around.
  

It goes on and on, but you get the drift. Essentially, "The Rules" supports a very archaic, sexist notion of male and female relationship roles, summed up as follows. Men pursue women. Women do not pursue men. If a woman pursues a man, he will quickly lose interest and wander. The only reliable way for a woman to bag a man is to pretend to be a mystery and to act like he needs her more than she needs him. Men are not really shy, so if there's one you fancy who seems reticent around you, it's not because he might be intimidated by your wit and charm, but because he's just not very interested. If you ask him out first, you are guaranteeing that your relationship will not work out. Sorry, gals.

Sheesh...isn't dating tough enough without dealing with playing games? Although I come at things from a different angle than women, I too have dated men (have I!) and I know well the challenges involved. Trust me...in my younger days I accepted treatment that, to think about it now, gets me scratching my head and saying, "Wha fuck?" No matter how bad things got I never resorted to game-playing, believing that being honest about myself, with myself, and with others was the best policy. Once I combined that policy with a measure of self-confidence, I found myself dating men whose memory doesn't give me any "Wha fuck?" moments. And I didn't need that crazy book to do it.

By the way, go to "The Rules" Web site and check out the celebrity testimonials. Yeah, right...when you have to get Destiny's Child to talk up your work, you know you're in trouble.

Two too many

Peter Benchley and Andreas Katsulas die in one week? What the fuck is going on? Since my outrage does not good, I'll have to settle for remembrance.

I read "Jaws" when I was, oh, nine or ten, and I liked it then despite the fact that at the time I didn't understand words like "megalodon" from Hooper or "prick" from Quint. (I never asked my mother the meaning of either, which looking back was probably best.) A simple story told well, and in my opinion those are usually the best ones.

"Babylon 5" was a delight I discovered only long after it had gone off the air. Back in June of '03 I had undergone some nose surgery which kept me in bed for three or four days, and those who know me know that I'm not good at sitting idle. Sarcasmo lent me the first season of B5 on DVD, and it not only helped pass the time, it became a new passion. So much so, in fact, that four days after my surgery I hobbled out to the mall video store, pale as a sheet and dribbling blood from my nose, to buy Season Two. I'll bet the few shoppers watching me shamble by thought they were in a remake of "Dawn of the Dead." Katsulas played G'Kar, my favorite B5 character, and he was an integral part of that show. The sci-fi world is poorer without him.

Rest in peace, guys.

What's going on in England?

I am very distressed to hear that the land which contains my very favorite place in the universe is enacting all sorts of strange laws. Currently on the table are proposals to ban speech that "glorifies" terrorism, and national ID cards that contain all manner of biological information (fingerprints, retinal patterns, etc.). Does Tony Blair realize that "1984" is a cautionary tale, and not a government playbook?

All of this is straining my love of the land of Madam George and roses.

Things I Learned This Weekend

1. Essays written by high school students are just painful.
2. Snow is fun only when you don't have to shovel it or drive through it.
3. Starbuck's new 'do annoys me.
   
4. "Jackie Brown" is as good on the third viewing as it was the first.

The First Day

I had my first day at The New Job. Since I'd rather not name my employer here, let's just call the company TNJ.

First of all, first days at jobs always suck. No matter how nice and polite and friendly and helpful everyone is, they just suck. You don't know anyone, you get lost easily, everyone's checking out the new guy/gal, all of that. Still, all that aside, it was a decent day minus first-day suckitude.

One thing that stuck out about TNJ was that just about everyone was physically attractive. Seriously. Even the older folks in their fifties and sixties were cute. That made me wonder if TNJ thought I made the grade or if they wanted me around for contrast. Another thing that stuck out was that this was a company that was doing well, which was quite the difference after six years at an organization that spent that time in a slow downward spiral.

Oh, and it's very cute to hear people who think that Microsoft Word is some kind of miracle tool. They're all like, "Did you know you can create style sheets?", and I'm like, "How cute!" The poor suckers.

I've been tagged

PinkHairedGirl tagged me for the following meme, so I dutifully reply...

Four jobs you have had in your life

1. Foot messenger for a law office. No, I wasn't delivering feet.
2. Permissions assistant for a medical publisher. This was getting annoying people to do stuff they didn't want to do. Even worse than it sounds.
3. Production assistant at a university. A job I held proudly for less than two months.
4. Editorial assistant at a university. A job I held proudly for nine months.
   

Four movies you could watch over and over

1. Alien
2. Carrie
3. The Little Girl Who Lives Down the Lane
4. Aliens
   

Four places you have lived

1. Eep. Compared to Pinkie, I come up woefully short on this one. I'll pass.
   

Four TV shows you love to watch

1. Alien Nation. I almost sobbed when this was canceled, and I very much enjoy watching it on DVD.
2. Battlestar Galactica. The new one, natch.
3. Buffy the Vampire Slayer (Seasons 1-3 only)
4. Babylon 5
   

Four places you have been on vacation

1. London, my favorite place in the universe
2. San Francisco
   
3. Montreal
4. Toronto
   

Four websites you visit daily

1. Gmail
2. Philly.com
3. Sarcasmo's Corner
4. The Weather Channel

Four places you'd rather be right now

1. London
2. A suburb of London
3. In a plane on the way to London
4. In a cab on the way to the airport for a flight to London (Are you seeing a pattern here?)
   

Four bloggers you are tagging.

Nobody. I'm too lazy.

Copyright is copy wrong

I've been doing some thinking lately about copyright law, and I've begun to think that it's been extended one too many times. Last time I checked, works registered after 1972 (or so) are protected for the life of the author plus fifty years. Naturally, that hasn't prevented heavy-hitters like DC Comics and Disney from getting Congress to extend their ownership of Superman and Mickey Mouse, respectively, which should have expired a long time ago.

What's the point of protecting work so long? I understand and agree that the creator of a piece should be able to exclusively profit from it, but should her children? Her grandchildren? Life plus fifty can be an awfully long time; the thought of having to wait more than a century for an idea to enter the public domain seems to me a little silly.

Also, how does constantly extending copyright protection serve the public? Sure, leaving DC Comics in charge of Superman allows the company to continue to profit from him, but doesn't it also lend itself to a certain stagnation of ideas? Why would DC Comics bother seeking out fresh new talent when they can continue to churn out the same old stuff about the same old superhero? There are countless wanna-be comic book artists out there; I say let Superman move into the public doman so that the comic book companies have to give those artists a chance. Besides, a fresh take on the Superman story might be in order, and allowing the chap from Krypton to become public property might be just the ticket.

This would be an interesting discussion for The Bitter Quill. (Hint, hint).

It's Like Coming Home

Once I was once again fully employed, the next step was obvious.

Clothes-shopping!

Yup, one of my very favorite activities. In this case, I could justify the expense by the dress code of my new employer, which is a bit more dressy than the last. (Not that I need justification to buy clothing, but it's nice to have one.) I hit six stores in 90 minutes, and made purchases in five. I even found a couple of shirts in H&M, surprise surprise, which is usually a place only for tall thin people. I was very disappointed to find that the shirt I saw and admired at Daffy's was just too big for me. Funny, because it was tagged "medium", but when I tried it on I was enveloped in what felt like yards of extra material. Since I hate baggy clothing, I reluctantly set the shirt aside. I made up for it with a black blazer that fits me as if it had been custom made.

I didn't have time for my post-shopping ritual; that is, trying on what I've purchased in various combinations, to see what looks best. That's tomorrow.

Looking back on "The Stand"

I've been paging through Stephen King's "The Stand", and have you ever noticed that the female characters in that book do nothing but cry, get pregnant, and do little household chores? OK, there are two who don't fit that description, one of whom starves herself in a religious daze. That doesn't redeem King.

King's usually pretty good at making his characters come to life, but he was asleep at the wheel for "The Stand." It's a decent storyline, in part, but his characters are just boooooooring. Also, the uncut version was updated to 1990, when the original story happened in 1980. That in itself is not a problem, except he didn't update the characters accordingly. One 21-year-old character makes a reference to Pat Garrett, which seems kind of odd for a 21-year-old in 1990. The songs they reference are all pre-1980, as if the 80's music scene just never happened. Actually, that's a problem in all of King's books, but it's particularly noticeable when you compare the original Stand with the uncut version.

I like King's early work, I really do, but someone really needs to rewrite "The Stand." Someone other than King.

Does anyone remember...

...when TSR, formerly the owner of Dungeons & Dragons, published these tiny little games? They were sold in slim plastic cases that contained everything you needed to play, and they were cool. I had "Vampyre", "Revolt on Antares" and "They've Invaded Pleasantville", and there were three or four more if I recall correctly.

Vampyre: One side of the board depicted Transylvania, and as one of the characters from "Dracula" you chased the evil Count around the countryside, avoiding his traps and destroying his coffin, until you'd hounded him back to Castle Dracula. You then flipped over the board to see that selfsame castle, in which you'd prowl around, looking for the Count's primary coffin, which if you destroyed put an end to the master of the undead. The place was full of monsters, and you had to keep track of time because if you hadn't finished by game midnight, the monsters were replenished and you were back where you started.

Revolt on Antares: This war game had three scenarios: Revolt against Terra, the Silakkan Invasion, and Power Politics, but they were all great. Antares was divided into seven noble houses, each of whom had a specific psychic ability like illusion, hypnotism, precognition, etc. Admittedly, it was a stretch to call the woman who called lightning psychic, but what do you want from a game that fits inside a slim plastic case? I actually still have this game, which I have never unveiled at Game Night for no specific reason.

They've Invaded Pleasantville: This was a standard "aliens who look human" scenario, in the pleasant small town of, uh, Pleasantville. Anyway, you had to troll about town, killing aliens but (hopefully) avoiding killing townsfolk. Problem was you didn't know which was which until you'd already attacked, which was really only a problem if you cared about your fellow citizens. I didn't, so, you know.

The Roe v. Wade Hypocrisy

With the anniversary of the (I'm supposed to say "landmark" here) abortion decision, I'll share a few of my thoughts. MediaGirl, listen up!

I think there is a certain value in turning the issue back to the states. I'm not anxious to see the procedure illegalized (quite the opposite), but letting each state decide the issue would force pro-life politicians to actually do something about abortion other than just rail about feminazis and activist judges. Reversing Roe, scary as it sounds, might help to sift out some of the bullshit surrounding the abortion issue, and that would be a good thing. Of course, it would also turn the public discourse into hell, but we're not far from that now.

What's bothering me right now is the complete and utter hypocrisy of pro-life groups who say, "It's time to turn the issue back to the states." Many of these same groups are on record supporting a right-to-life constitutional amendment that, unless I misunderstand American law, would take the issue away from the states. Either you support states' rights or you don't, and, frankly, I think these people don't. They're set on an agenda, not on a specific political philosophy.

I also note that many of the aforementioned groups are on record against birth control and comprehensive sex education (that being, of course, any education that is not abstinence-only). These are often the very conservatives who oppose government-funded daycare or other programs that would make childrearing more feasible. Therefore, they oppose using the very tools that would make abortions more rare, which tells me their agenda is larger that merely stopping abortion. They want to institute an entire regimen of sexual morality, and not one by which most Americans would really want to live.

I know for certain there are pro-lifers out there who aren't interested in a return to Victorian-era sexual mores, and I can respect that stance even if I don't agree with it. I have no respect for those who cloak a sweeping moral agenda in the vestments of concern for the unborn.

Uh, I can't think of a post title.

If you want a laugh, visit the help articles on a job-hunting Web site. Since most of those sites are equally useless, it doesn't matter which one you pick. My favorites are the multiple-choice quizzes, which are so laughably easy that you have to wonder how the folks who wrote them got their jobs. Here's a typical online job-hunting quiz question:

When asked about a previous employer you disliked, you respond by...

a) Saying, "I was always taught that if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."
b) Telling the interviewer how underappreciated you were, and how relieved you are to be rid of that employer.
c) Putting a positive spin on a negative experience.
d) Brandishing the severed head of your previous supervisor and warning the interviewer that the same awaits any who would dishonor you.

Now, do you have any doubt as to which is the correct answer? If you said c, then you are a person of average intelligence who understands the basics of life (fire burns, trees are green, you need air to live). If you said anything but c, well then you're the kind of person these quiz-makers are trying to help.

On a different topic, in taking the Smurf personality test I found on Sarcasmo's blog, I learned that Smurfette was created by Gargamel. Is this true? If so, does that mean Gargamel is God?

An itty-bitty poem

A friend of mine used to have these really neat Christmas Eve parties, at which people would be asked for a performance. There would be singing, juggling, music, and what I usually did was write something I hoped was funny and read it. It was a good time.

Anyhoo, I came across this little poem in my hard drive, so I thought it made an interesting addition to this blog. ("Interesting" being my way of saying, "Shut up and read it.") A bit of background: In the gay community, young, tanned gym-polished blond boys are known as "twinkies", because they are short, golden-brown and cream-filled. I know, ick, but it's kind of important to this poem. Here goes...

If I Were a Twinkie
If I could have a wish from a genie or ring
It wouldn’t be for money, for cars or anything
World peace would be nice, and ending world hunger
I just want a body that’s blond and tan and younger
Hostess they make a bunch of nice cakes
Little Debbie, and Entenmann’s, and Carvel and Drake
But if I could be a twinkie I’d be so much better
I’d go from man-repellent straight to a guy-getter
As I walked down the street I’d be the first looked-at
Instead of coming in second to garbage and dead cats
At bars I’d be the center of all the attention
I could take the blue ribbon instead of honorable mention
When I stepped out my door in Spandex or tight jeans
I’d inspire admiration, instead of gross horror scenes
If I were a twinkie they’d fight to be with me
And I’d be called “hottie”, instead of “neato” and “nifty”
Of course, sometimes twinkies are dumber than dumb
In jeans they are beautiful; above the neck, numb
They may get the glances, the stares and the sighs
But they can’t write a good werewolf story like mine
Besides, when the bombs drop, and the world almost fries
Smart guys will build shelters. The twinkies will die
Sure, steroids keep them from gaining an ounce
But steroids ruin performance where and when it most counts
You know, I’d rather be short, brunette with no tan
Than be a gym-buffed blond twinkie with brains made of sand

I could go to the gym, and be kinda dim
I’d be pretty as hell, even though I couldn’t spell
I could turn any trick, I would have a big car
If I were a twinkie

(Remember that this poem was meant to be read aloud, so the last part is alot funnier. Or so I tell myself.)

Two Kinds o' Stupid

I aired this view before Movie Night this week, so I decided that earned it a place here. Before we get started, let me review what I mean by the word "stupid", which I think is an adjective that sees far too much use. In my view, there's a difference between "stupid" and "foolish." Stupid people actually lack intelligence, and thus have difficulty acquiring, remembering, processing and applying information. There are very few genuinely stupid people in the world. Foolish people may be quite intelligent, but they consistently make poor decisions and lack even basic intuition. There are lots of foolish people in the world. An example of stupid but not foolish is Sam Gamgee of the Lord of the Rings, who doesn't know very much in terms of information and isn't great at thinking on his feet, but who was wise enough to resist the lure of the Ring. An example of foolish but not stupid is Michelle Malkin, a conservative asshole who last year wrote a book called "Defending Internment", in which she attempts to justify the internment of Japanese-Americans in WWII.

Back to topic. I find that stupid people fall into two basic categories: bird stupid and ox stupid. Bird-stupids can be manipulated because they are at least dimly aware that they don't know very much. Ox-stupids are convinced that they know better than everyone, and are therefore nearly impossible to sway. Give me bird-stupid any day.

Looking back on this post, I realize it was a long wind-up for a very short delivery. Eeep.

Even more envy!

After speaking with Sarcasmo about her trip, I realized two things.

1. She made awesome use of her England time.
2. My map of London has now been to London more than I have.

Both of these things please me.

Good news and an unsettling observation

The good news: The Supreme Court struck down the feds' attempt to circumvent Oregon's assisted suicide law. I see that Republicans respect states' rights to do what Republicans want; otherwise, the GOP is happy to invoke federal power to get its way. As you'll see from the article, the decision was 6-3, which means the power-addled Republicans aren't going to get a change from SCOTUS any time soon.

The unsettling observation: Samuel Alito may be well qualified in scholarly or legal terms, but I don't want him on the court. No, it's not because he's unfriendly to abortion or privacy rights (which he is, despite his demurrals), but because he has spent the confirmation hearings backtracking on his record. He was part of a college group dedicated to keeping women and minorities out of Princeton, but now he says he doesn't remember it. He advocated to the Reagan administration the overturning of Roe vs. Wade, but now says we should just overlook that because that was expressed on a job application. He says that Robert Bork was "one of the most outstanding nominees of the century" with whom he supposedly disagrees with on just about everything. Either Samuel Alito is a dizzyingly complex jurist, or else he's a fairly simple conservative who is doing everything he can to hide it. Either way, I don't want him to get a lifetime appointment to the Supreme Court.

I realize there's not much that can be done about it; Americans have given Bush their imprimatur to appoint these kinds of folks, and Bush has, understandably, taken them at their word. However, like the Iraq invasion and the 2001 tax cuts, we're going to be paying for Samuel Alito for a long, long time.

Underdog Victorious!*

I can now reveal that I have, after a job search that seemed a geological age, landed a job. I won't go into details about the company name or anything (after all, who knows who might be reading this happy little blog), but I will say that they've offered me more money, more vacation, more sick time, and a better 401K than my last employer. Also, they are located about .8 miles from my home, which means a commute to die for. All in all, I am pretty darn pleased about it. I've been walking around most of the day with a grin on my face, a grin worn only by the mentally deranged and those who have landed plum new jobs.

And, yes, I did a new-job dance, which was more vigorous than the getting-published polka, and yet not quite so sprightly as the I'm-done-with-college jig.

* This is also the title of a fabulous Jill Sobule album. Buy it. Listen to it. I command you.

Labor shuffles its feet!

Wal-Mart got a well deserved thumping today, courtesy of the Maryland state legislature. Naturally, the state's Republican governor did his level best to stop it (imagine a Republican going to bat for big business!), but the legislature showed both backbone and better sense and overrode his veto. Admittedly, the red states will resist this trend (if it becomes a trend), but if enoug blue states sign on Wal-Mart will have to give in. After all, the blue states are where the population is, and I doubt Wal-Mart will turn much profit catering only to states like Montana and Idaho, whose combined population is still less than NYC's.

I'm pleased to see that labor has not completely lost its teeth. As annoying as unions can be, I still trust them more than the likes of Wal-Mart.

Is it just me...

...or does this sound like a really bad idea?

The notion that public schools will benefit from competition is as erroneous as it is widespread. Public schools are, obviously, public, and that means they operate under a whole slew of restrictions with which their private counterparts do not have to deal. Public schools have to hire union, deal with the school board, and educate every child in the district regardless of learning disability or physical handicap. Unlike private schools, they can't cherry-pick the best students, thus elevating their test scores. It's maddening to hear private schools compared to public. It's not apples and oranges; it's apples and orcs.

However, if Houston feels the need to provide financial incentives to teachers whose students improve on test schools, why stop there? Why not just pay them based on how many of their students receive A's? I mean, if we're to buy the illusion of improvement, I'd like to purchase the best improvement available. No half-measures for me, no sir.

HR stands for "How Ridiculous"

Aha! An external view of why HR departments are useless, just useless. I love the term "administrivia", which in my view sums up the bureaucratic nonsense to which HR professionals seem so completely dedicated. Enjoy the article; I did.

At one company where I used to work, they had five - count 'em - five full-time HR people who were so busy they had to employ an outside vendor to post open jobs on the career sites and screen candidates. They didn't even check references for potential hires. I'm not really sure what they did, except shuffle papers and tell us we couldn't have Yoga classes on site.

I Am Officially Jealous

Sarcasmo is even now on her way to merry old England, and I wish I were going with her. I've been there twice, and I am very much looking forward to visit #3. Sarcasmo tells me that, since I've been there twice already, I am not allowed to be jealous, but I am. It's my way of rebelling.

In honor of her trip, here's a pic of me, Ed and Dan during our 2002 England trip. We were wandering through Hyde Park when we came upon this wooden bench labeled, "Topsy - Scarlette - Chloe." As soon as we read those, nothing would do but that we must take a picture behind them. I got a passerby to take the shot, but that left Dan and Ed free to stake out their names and to leave "Scarlette" to me. At first I wanted Topsy, but now I feel more at home with my English-bench alter ego. Sorry the pic is a bit stretched.

Enjoy, Sarcasmo! May your plane slumber be deep, your seatmate amiable, and your landing as boring as they come.

Five Weird Habits

I heard this one from VisMajor, so I will try it out here. Five of my weird habits are...

1. I leave glasses of water around whatever domicile I am currently using. Usually it's just one glass, but inevitably that glass spawns a twin, and then that twin spawns, and so forth. Some days it got so I'd have water available in every room. I like to drink water, so that works out, but it's a little weird nonetheless.
2. If I am approaching a building that has more than one set of doors, I will purposely use the doors furthest from me, to see if the folks behind me will do the same. I have this theory that human beings have a deep-seated fear that they door they try will be locked; therefore, they always use doors they've seen open. Once, when I worked in a building with six sets of double doors, in two rows, I used the left-most outer door, then went all the way back to the right inner door, and don't you know, the woman behind me did the same. The fact that I do it is not as weird as the fact that people follow me.
3. When I'm reading a book, I tend to idly rub the paper with a finger as I page along.
   
4. For some reason, the first thing I do when I get into the shower is rub each of my Achilles tendons. Don't ask me why, but I do.
5. I can't sleep in a room with an open closet door. It's not that I fear the Closet Monster or anything (trust me, I lived in the closet long enough to realize it ain't the monsters that make that place scary), but for some reason it bugs me to know that the door is open. It just does.
   

Take My Advice...

...playing Ultimate for an hour with people 10-15 years your junior, and then playing again with a different group for another 90 minutes is a bad idea. A really, really bad idea. My knee wishes I'd known that before I actually went out and did it.

I often mention Ultimate on this blog, so I'll take a moment to explain the game. Ultimate is like football in that you have to advance a game piece into your opponents' end zone. Unlike football, Ultimate is played with a flying disc (Frisbee), and you can't run with the disc. When you have the disc, you stop and wait for a chance to pass it to one of your teammates, who then freezes and tries to pass it again, etc. The player who catches the disc in the end zone scores a goal. The opposite team attempts to intercept the disc or knock it down, and if they do possession changes and the defense becomes the offense. Each team contains 7 players; if the game is co-ed, each must have 2-3 women. Normally, the game is played until one team scores 13 points, although some games go t0 15.

Ultimate is my obsession, I admit. It's easy to learn, and doesn't require a bunch of pads and helmets and all that felgercarb. Cleats are recommended, and when you start to get older you often want to use knee or shin supports. (Of course, I wouldn't know anything about that.) One of the best things about Ultimate is that it's self-refereed; each player is expected to police him/herself, and the other players accept this. Although I've seen a few heated arguments over rules calls, it's been nothing near what I've witnessed in other sports. Oh, and as West-Coast, crunchy granola as it may seem, Ultimate was invented in New Jersey.

A Small Victory

Looks like the Garden State is continuing its tradition of progressivism. (From the Philadelphia Inquirer.)

The Senate passed, 39-0, a bill that would grant same-sex couples the same rights as married couples regarding inheritances and funeral arrangements.

"Currently, same-sex couples have no rights when it comes to administering the funeral of a passed partner. It makes little sense to grant this right only to married couples and deny it of domestic partnerships," said a sponsor, Sen. John H. Adler (D., Camden).

The full Assembly is scheduled to vote on the bill Monday.

It's really too bad that I don't care to live in New Jersey, because the state is really way better on gay issues than Pennsylvania. Still, it's nice to know that if PA gets too bad I can flee across the mighty Delaware. Actually, it's just this kind of thing, plus the loony Republicans in charge of the national government, that makes me more a supporter of stronger states' rights.

A Very Westeros Post

Spoiler Alert! If you are reading George Martin’s “A Song of Ice and Fire” have not yet read “A Feast for Crows”, be advised that the following post is spoilerific.

Since so many of us are ASOIAF fans, I thought I’d make my good and bad lists of the characters contained in the series, along with a few other sundry lists. Obviously, in GRRM’s books no one is purely good or purely evil, but I think some characters come closer to those extremes than others. Here they are, and please note that I’ve included only characters alive at the end of AFfC. There are so many dead ones I’d have been typing forever.

The Good
Danaerys Targaryen: She really wants to do good, even when she’s doing things that are ethically, uh, questionable. (Read: Wise Masters.)
Tyrion Lannister: Despite constant snubs from his family, he’s the most decent scion of the Casterly Rock clan. He just wants to be loved and respected, and the kicker is that he really deserves it.
Brienne of Tarth: Unlike most Westerosi, honor actually means something to her. What a concept!
Jon Snow: This guy knows the value of an oath because he’s broken one. How cool is that?
Edmure Tully: One of the few Westerosi lords who actually tried to protect his smallfolk when danger threatened. Not the tactically smartest move, I admit, but it came from the heart.
Samwell Tarly: He calls himself a coward, but when the Other came a-callin’, Sam gave it what for. He also protected Gilly from Small Paul the wight, when he could easily have left her to save his own skin. When the chips are down, Sam trembles, cries…and does his duty.

The Bad
Walder Frey: Not only was he the architect of the Red Wedding (curse him!), in “A Game of Thrones” he bartered his allegiance like a fishwife. Boning Robb to let him cross at the Twins evidently wasn’t enough; Lord Weasel had to shoot him like a dog at his daughter’s wedding. Frey’s an honorless wretch who just won’t seem to die. I guess evil preserves him.
Roose Bolton: His part in the Red Wedding will never be forgotten, but nearly as bad was the way he was working against Robb Stark from the Green Fork. How many northern lords, Stark loyalists all, died because of his treachery? Down with him!
Cersei Lannister: Not only is she power-hungry and arrogant, but she’s also got a dash of cruelty thrown in for good (or bad) measure. Go, valonqar!
Theon Greyjoy: Here’s a villain as pathetic as he his treacherous. He goes through the first book telling Catelyn, “Ned Stark’s like a father to me”, and then he works against his second father’s family the first chance he gets. What’s worse is that Theon isn’t even competent, which means I can’t even think he’s cool. He's just despicable.
Petyr Baelish: Most people might not agree, but never forget that Littlefinger helped Cersei and Jaime screw up the line of succession, and thus sparked the devastation that was the War of Five Kings. He also very cruelly wooed Lysa Arryn, only to give her a one-way trip out the Moon Door when she became inconvenient. It’s to be hoped that someday karma is going to jump on his head and go cock-a-doodle-doo.

The Schemers
Petyr Baelish: OK, he’s evil, but he does manage to manipulate his way from Nobody of Gulltown to Lord Protector of the Vale without ever mussing his clothes. That’s skill.
Varys the Spider: Everyone distrusts this guy, and anyone could kill him, but he makes himself so valuable that no one would lift a hand against him. He also managed to survive Aerys’s mad reign, which tells you just how cunning he really is.
Olenna Tyrell: Her doll-like form hides a mind as shrewd and calculating as Karl Rove’s. She pushes around her lord son like a chess piece, pisses off Tywin Lannister with impunity, and even manages to murder a king with no one the wiser. I adore her.

The Opportunists
Lord Swann: One son serves in King’s Landing with Joffrey, and the other first with Renly and then Stannis, only to swear fealty to Joffrey when Stannis is defeated. This guy has every intention of surviving. Maybe he’ll be king in the end.
Bronn of the Blackwater: He works for Lady Catelyn in dragging Tyrion to the Eyrie, then switches sides to defend Tyrion in trial by combat, then allows himself to be bought by Cersei in exchange for deserting Tyrion. It was getting hard to keep track of it all.
Taena Merryweather: This sultry Myrish noblewoman swings like a kitchen door, and not just in bed. She comes to King’s Landing with the Tyrells, but before you can say, “I’m a treacherous slut” she’s informing on Margaery to Cersei. When the High Septon finally sends Cersei to the hoosegow, Lady Merryweather is on the first train out of King's Landing, barely pausing long enough to collect her husband. I’m not sure whether to condemn her or admire her.

A New Jersey New Year

Thanks for Feanor and Poppy for hosting the Star Wars New Year's event, which featured the movies (good) and the holiday special (dreadful). A great time!

As Babyraven and Mouserobot and I drove to the aforementioned event, we discussed the talking-on-cell-phones-while-driving thing, which I am steadfastly against. Yeah, I know that I don't object to drivers talking to passengers, but in my view there's a long league between talking to someone in the car with you and talking to someone on the phone. When you're on the phone, you're really not in your physical situation; you're sort of somewhere between where you are and where the person you're talking with is. I've had phone conversations while screening a DVD and I couldn't tell you what happened in the movie while I talked. Plus, have you ever noticed that people walking around while gabbing away will step into the street, or right in front of other pedestrians, without looking? That's because they're not where they are; they're on the phone. Why would it be any different when they're driving?

I realize that there are a multitude of distractions in which drivers indulge: eating, drinking, putting on makeup, shaving...hell, I've even seen people reading newspapers. None of those are good things or should be permitted, but I just can't accept the argument that talking on the phone in the car is the same as talking to someone in the car. You know?

TrackerNeil defended!

Thanks for Babyraven for her defense of me on Mediagirl.org. Of course, her words bounced right off MediaGirl's intellectual carapace, but I appreciate the effort. I imagine that next Babyraven will be portrayed either as a sellout or a poor woman who's been deluded and hammered down by my male-hegemonic worldview. Check the comments and see!

You know, my experience on MediaGirl.org was my first up-close-and-personal with liberal bigotry. Of course, I saw some of this in college, but it wasn't directed towards me, so I paid it little attention.It's really distressing to see people who are on your side of the issues being so intolerant and narrow-minded. It's also hard to be called a bigot when you're not, because listeners tend to better remember the accusation and not the denial. Besides, when you defend yourself against such a charge you wind up sounding like you're backpedaling. ("Hey, I have no problem with gay people; everyone should own one!") Probably better not to even try. Your ideas should speak for themselves, and wise people can tell which opinions are bigoted and which aren't. As for people who aren't wise...why do you care what they think?

Two Good Things

I found this Web site awhile back, but for some insane reason I didn't think it was worthy of a blog post. Silly me. Anyway, it's where homosexuality and the Go-Go's merge: The Gay-Gay's! Yes, it's an all-gay Go-Go's cover band. If anything were to convince me that there is a god, this would be it. Once I get re-fully-employed, I'm going to buy something from them, if only to reward them for having such a divine idea.

The Required Loopy Post

I did the apartment-to-Falls-Bridge loop today, which is about 13.5 miles and at least 1250 calories. I've done this walk several times this year, and each time, about 10 miles into the trip, I ask myself, "Dude, you're closing in on forty; why are you doing this?" A few months later, I'm back out there, a bit older but no wiser.

Anyway, whilst passing the waterworks on the mighty Schuylkill, I did what every passerby does: I watched the waterfall. I think there's some natural connection humans have with water, and not just because we die if we don't have it. As an atheist, I don't buy into gods, demons, angels, or any of that stuff, which always smacks me as a bit superstitious. However, I do believe that the universe has a certain harmony and order, and that everything within that universe is a kind of fractal, a small thing in which you can see the large. I think that some things more closely reflect the nature of the universe, and water is among them. Why? Because water is mostly passive, but stronger than steel when it needs to be. It flows along any course, yet in time carves new channels even in stone. It's part of everything, and nothing we know of can survive apart from it. It can be solid, liquid or gaseous, but in any form it's breathtaking. Water really is the universe writ small.

(Hot chocolate made solely from water is substandard, however; for real quality you have to use milk. That's one thing water can't do.)

Delta Dawn (of the Dead)

Does anyone remember Bette Midler's cover of "Delta Dawn"? No? Oh well...

Anyway, about six weeks ago I bought the ultra-box set of "Dawn of the Dead", which contains the theatre release, the extended version, the European version, and a full disc of extras. It rocks! I just finished watching a 75-minute documentary about the making of the movie, and now I want to go out and buy "Night of the Living Dead" and "Day of the Dead." I'm underemployed now, though, so that means I am po' and can't do it. Sigh.

Baiting the pseudo-feminists

If you visit MediaGirl.org and check out the posts, you'll see I've caused quite a stir. I found that site via a Google news search on Bob Casey, Jr., and discovered something infinitely more entertaining than a mere Washington Post article. MediaGirl, who runs the site, is this intolerant, self-righteous ideologue who fancies herself a feminist but is really just a caricature of a feminist that Bill O'Reilly himself could not have better drawn. She's shrill, hysterical, narrow-minded, and definitely anti-male. Anyone who dares to disagree with her on any issue, to any extent, is this male-hegemonic, patriarchy apologist conservative oppressor whose main goal in life is to turn women into baby machines.

When I read a sampling of her posts, I decided that nothing would do but that I must work her up into an absolute frenzy. I started out polite and reasonable, then slowly became more pointed and condescending, while her posts became increasingly more hysterical. Foam began to build up around my monitor, and all to my delight. Finally, the consensus on Mediagirl.org was that this liberal Green Party homosexual was really just a conservative sexist caveman with no understanding of or appreciation for the equality of women. Woo-hoo!

After all this, you're probably wondering, "Why the hell would you do this?" The answer: I know feminists, real feminists, and they aren't tightly wound, ultra-sensitive, politically manic frightened little ninnies who are only comfortable when they can accuse others of being the beneficiaries of the patriarchal social structure. By and large, they're confident, intelligent, rational women (and men) who can be both secure in their own beliefs and respectful of the opinions of others. However, the psychos on Mediagirl.org are the ones that give the Rush Limbaughs and Sean Hannitys of the world the perfect talking points for their brand of conservative bullshit. It's hard enough for we liberals to prevail against conservative bigotry; we definitely don't need to contend with liberal bigotry. By riling up these fools, I'm hoping to show some of the Mediagirl lurkers that perhaps they should look elsewhere for peers and role models.

I'm also doing it because it's pretty darn funny. What would be even funnier is if MediaGirl and her wack-job echo chamber find this blog and start posting comments. If you thought this blog was funny before, you won't have seen anything!

Intelligent Design needs a redesign...

...that is, if it's to be included in public school science classes. The court spoke, and it said the words I expected to hear.

Take that, God Squad!

New York and slimy things

I’m going to take up the thread of something I read on Babyraven’s live journal about the Big Apple. No, I’m not going to take her to task for saying it’s got everything Philly does but just more, because to a large extent I think that’s true. And I agree that it’s really annoying that getting something to eat after 10:30 pm usually involves a good deal of travel. In my volunteer days I remember well the frustration of trying to get Philadelphians out to try something new, even something as tame as a movie night or a wine-and-cheese social. The gay/lesbian Ultimate group I used to run folded because we just couldn’t get people to try it, something that in NYC would probably have never been a problem. New York has more to do and more people to do it with, and that’s a fact.

In defense of the City of Brotherly Love, however, I’ll say that Philadelphia is, I think, more manageable than NYC. New York is always crowded, always expensive, always moving, and sometimes that can be a bit much to deal with. Don’t get me wrong; I like cities, but I can see how a constant go-go-go rhythm can get old. Let’s not even mention that NYC is almighty expensive. Philly’s getting there, but you can still live in the city without paying $1800 a month for one-bedroom apartment, and that’s nice to know.

I spoke with a recruiter today…aren’t they just slimy? Some posts ago I derided HR people, but I don’t think they’re slimy; I just think they’re useless. Recruiters, however, are always trying to sell you on a job that’s probably not right for you, and I imagine they’re doing the same with employers in regards to applicants. I feel terrible categorically distrusting an entire industry filled with people as human as I am, but my experience with recruiters teaches me that you’re usually better off conducting your own job hunt. They’re like using leeches in medicine; there may be some value, but all in all if you can use antibiotics, you should.

One good thing, one bad thing

Good thing: I went to see "Brokeback Mountain" today, as part of a birthday celebration for Ed. I was wary of the film because of all the buzz, but I can say I really enjoyed it. A simple story (as I believe most good stories are), but it was quite affecting and well-acted. I've never seen Heath Ledger in anything else, but he impressed me here.

(BTW, those of you who don't know Ed are missing out. He's super-smart, and knows a little bit about a lot. If I were a Westerosi lord I would definitely want Ed as my maester.)

Bad thing: After the movie, we got Chinese food. The service was so-so; they kept us waiting a fairly long time to order, and the server just wasn't very good. Accordingly, we tipped only 10%. Well, the guy who took the check with the money actually came back to the table with the change and - get this - informed me that a standard tip is 18%. Unable to believe what I was hearing, I asked him to repeat himself to make sure I understood. Is that gutsy or what? I don't have to leave a tip at all, and if he'd wanted more he should damn well have treated us better. At that point I wanted to take the 10% and walk about, but Ed and Mike persuaded me that it was kinder to leave it. I bowed to their judgment, but that is the last time I'll go to that place.

I will admit I'm a bit of a Nazi about tipping. I don't buy into the conventional wisdom that a server is due a tip regardless of the level of service. Of course, I am often told, "Well, if you had ever worked as a waiter you'd feel differently." Maybe I would and maybe I wouldn't, but I'll tell you this much: I don't expect to be rewarded when I do a crappy job. Nor should anyone waiting tables.

Sex Dwarf!

For those of you who don't know, this month's Sex Dwarf had a Go-Go's theme, which meant I was all over it. So were Mouserobot and Babyraven, and a few of Babyraven's friends. We danced from around 10:30 until we shut that place down at 2 am! Awesome music, lots of it Go-Go's. Selections from the Fab Five included:

• This Town
• Lust To Love
• Tonite
• Vacation
• Cool Jerk
• Can't Stop the World
• Head Over Heels

Of course, there was plenty of other fantastic, non-Go-Go's music.

One of the fun things about these events is seeing the different people who attend. I'll list a few of the noteworthy:

• There was a woman there who was simply gorgeous: tall, slender, with skin the color of coffee with a lot of cream. My goodness...had I been straight, I would have been on her like stink on a monkey.
• There was a straight guy who danced like nobody's business. Lots of straight guys are too inhibited to do this, but not this guy. And he was good! Really good! He didn't have too much of a booty (I checked, natch), but what he had he shook impressively.

There was a third person I was going to mention, but I have plum forgotten it. Anyway, some 2am I staggered home along South Street, set apart from the other staggerers only in that I wasn't drunk. And that I was wearing a Go-Go's t-shirt.

Snagged!

I totally got stopped by the Philadelphia police today, running a yellow light on Spruce Street. (If you replace "yellow" with "yellow-turning-to-red" that sentence is true.) I got away without a ticket, which I credit to my transformation into Joe Citizen. I'm all "Yes sir" and "Thank you sir" and "How may I help you, officer?" Once, when I crossed over from the inner lane to the outer at a non-crossover point, I even called myself stupid. If it keeps the points off my license, I'm perfectly willing to insult myself. Insulting myself is free; points on my license cost money.

I don't understand the folks who insist on arguing with cops who pull them over. If the officer has decided to ticket you, blowing him a bunch of chong isn't going to convince him otherwise. Don't get me wrong; what would "Cops", my favorite reality show, be without people who fight with police officers? You can keep "Survivor" and that ilk, because to be perfectly blunt, I don't care who gets voted off the fucking island. I have zero interest in watching wilderness lore blend with the democratic process. I have loads of interest in watching a shirtless loser with three teeth in his head flee on foot down a breakdown lane while his hooker stands weeping at the car. That's entertainment, my friends. Next to "When Animals Attack" (Parts One through Three), "Cops" is the top of the heap when it comes to reality television.

Torture and salami

No, that's not a double-entrendre; it's my oh-so-clever lead-in to this article on Slate about why not banning torture is a bad, bad idea. Give it a read; it's most enlightening. I was always against using torture, but this article lays it out much better than I ever could.

Things I did today about which you'll likely care very little, in no particular:

• Bought me some new sneakers. When you walk up to 30 miles a week, you go through them suckas fast.
• Had a tasty apple for breakfast. Red Delicious apples are better, but Gala are more consistent in quality. Today's breakfast was Gala.
• Learned how to jimmy open a door at work. Who says the University of Pennsylvania doesn't teach you anything?
  
• Discovered that use of a tilda in html makes the character over which it is positioned unreadable.
• Looked up "cueing."

Jealous?

Thanks to Yagathai...

...I can provide this link to some of Ann Coulter's blatherings.

Now, I strongly recommend you don't get angry over what she said here, because Coulter always says stuff that's either inaccurate, misleading, or plainly untrue. However, she fascinates me because every time I read more of her frothing nonsense, I ask, "Does she really believe this, or is she just trying to sell books?" Part of me wants to think that no one who's earned a JD and passed the bar would have such a caricatured conservative view of the world, but there's another part that suspects she does believe at least the core of what she says. In my opinion, Coulter as someone who thinks she's speaking truth to power is far scarier than Coulter as a money-hungry attention-grabber.

Things Presidential

About two months ago, Dan and I were at dinner with some friends, and I asked each person his favorite and least favorite US president. Unsurprisingly, each picked our current monarch as his least favorite, but the favorites were more varied.* I picked Franklin Delano Roosevelt, because I admired his attitude of dealing with the Depression. This is paraphrased, but he basically said that he'd try something, and if that didn't work he'd try something else. I find that people often spend too much time talking and not enough doing, so naturally I admire this approach. Besides, FDR was president during what was arguably the worst time in our nation's history (the Depression and WWII), and yet he managed to get elected four times. That's no mean feat.

Admittedly, trying to pack the Supreme Court with his supporters wasn't the best move, but I still admire his "let's do it" approach to getting the nation out of the Depression. Also, he helped introduce what I consider to be some good social programs, most of which have unfortunately been dismantled by the last thirty years of conservatism. Sigh.

Oh, I found out that Elizabeth Shue and I share a birthday.

*Living during the tenure of the worst president in US history is a lot less fun than you'd think.

Something insensitive

Who the fuck gets hit by a train?

I'm not talking about someone who falls on the tracks, or is pushed by an overeager crowd (this happened at 15th Street), but about people crossing or walking along tracks who get hit. A train is an enormous, metal, din-creating machine that generates a hideously loud noise during its earth-shaking approach. That seems as conspicuous as they come, right? Be that as it may, SEPTA tells people again and again not to cross the tracks, and yet every year a few cement-heads manage to get themselves whacked by the iron horse. I don't get it.

The Sevens

I saw this on Sarcasmo's Corner, so I thought I'd steal, er, borrow it for mine. It's a list of 7's. Here goes

7 celebrity crushes:

1. Paul Mercurio
2. Richard Thomas
3. Prince William (the English one)
4. Michael Biehn
5. Moritz Bleibtrue (Franka Potente's boyfriend in "Run Lola Run")
6. Benno Furman (Franka Potente's boyfriend in "Anatomie")
7. Franka Potente (Seeing a pattern here? I don't want to have sex with her, though; I just have a crush on her.)

7 things I am good at:

1. Making marinara sauce
2. Modern Art
3. Job interviews
4. Bearing up under stress
5. Picking out clothing
6. Ultimate Frisbee!
7. Staying up late

7 things I plan to do before I die:

1. Live in another area of the country
2. Tour Europe
3. Fly first-class, the cost be damned!
4. Go waterskiing
5. Tell off my boss (whoever it is at the time)
6. Fly across the country just to see the Go-Go's perform
7. Become wealthy

7 things I cannot do:

1. Make rice (Minute Rice doesn't count)
2. Willingtly touch a spider
3. Do algebra
4. Share my emotions easily
5. Proceed without a plan
6. Resist chocolate
7. Swear off chocolate

7 things that attract me to the sex to whom I am attracted:

1. Confidence
2. Honesty
3. Nice butt (that's shallow, but true)
4. Height greater than 5'8
5. Appreciation of humor
6. Emotional accessibility
7. Nice butt (that's really important)

7 things I say often:

1. Once you pay Danegeld...
2. Yeah, that'll work real well.
3. Uh...OK.
4. Are you on drugs?
5. No way!
6. Can I get an ETA on that?
7. You know... (This is usually accompanied by a sternly pointing finger, and precedes a rant of some kind.)

You always know it's Christmas...

...when some fuckhead starts complaining about the use of "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas." It's started again, and the usual cast of religious zeros is boycotting Wal-mart and Target because their employees greet customers with the former. Apparently, it's OK that both Wal-mart and Target both pay, and treat their employees like, crap, and that these corporations are responsible for the demise of untold numbers of independent businesses who are far more invested in their respective communities. All this is just jim-dandy with the God Squad, but dare to wish someone a happy holiday and you've got a fight on your hands.

Pah. This is a vapid, pointless issue, which I suppose makes it just right for American political discourse.

I just saw a really cool thing!

I was out today for my daily five-mile walk, and at 18th & Chestnut I saw - get this - a hawk, perched atop a lightpost, eating a pigeon. I think it was a hawk, anyway; it was a large, mottled-brown bird with a white underbelly. Whatever it was, it was chowing down on Mr. Pigeon like pigeons were on the verge of extinction. Everyone had stopped to look, and those who had camera phones were snapping shots of the hawk at its repast.

Naturally, I phoned Dan right away. He didn't understand why my seeing a hawk devouring a pigeon made it natural to phone him. It's that mystique that keeps our relationship alive.

The "L" Word

Not "lesbian"; it's "liberal", which is these days equally maligned. Douglas Massey, who is a professor at Princeton, wrote a book called "Return of the 'L' Word: A Liberal Vision for the New Century." I read it last summer, and it was really good, particularly in terms of economic liberalism, an area in which I think we lefties aren't very good at expressing ourselves.

Anyway, Massey sets for some central core beliefs of liberalism, which I'd like to set forth here, as follows:

• Government should invest in people by seeing to their health and education, for people are the ultimate resource in society.
• Markets are not states of nature, but human inventions with imperfections and fallibilities, and government must work to ensure they function for the good of the many instead of the benefit of the few.
• Government is obligated to see that needed markets exist, that competition within them is fair, that transactions are transparent, and that competition is accessible to everyone.
• Because markets are fallible, and that they can and do break down from time to time, government must create public institutions to protect people from periodic market failures.
• Government must ensure equal civil, legal, and political rights for all citizens regardless of background.

Now, I know some might say, "But Tracker, why should we rely on government to do all this. Shouldn't we do this ourselves?" Answer: Because only government can. No labor union, church fund or citizen advocacy group can make sure that Microsoft doesn't drive out all other competition, or that kids in North Philadelphia get the same education dollars as those in Lower Merion. Only government, with the power of law and regulation, can truly ensure that everyone benefits from the machinery of society.

Personally, I think most people believe this stuff, even if they don't admit it to others or even to themselves. For proof you need look no further than the destruction wrought by Hurricane Katrina. Louisiana and Mississippi may talk (and vote) and bunch of nonsense about keeping the government out of their lives, but when Uncle Sam wheeled out the government disaster relief trough, they jammed their snouts right in just like the most leftist Blue-stater. Democrat or Republican, conservative or liberal, city or urban, rich or poor...ain't nobody turning down free money.

Gettin' Semantic

Check this out about how Iraqi insurgents aren't fit to be called insurgents. I didn't realize true insurgency was such an honorable profession, but in any case I'm guessing the "enemies of the legitimate Iraq government" aren't too concerned about what Donald Rumsfeld calls them. Asshole.

Yesterday I went to DiBruno's to buy some cheese, and I had a puzzling little exchange with the guy behind the counter (GBC). Here goes:

Me: "I'd like a pound of pecorina romano, please."
GBC: "$4.99, $5.99, or $6.99?"
Me: "Uh, which one is a pound?"
GBC: "$4.99"
Me: "I want that one."

Did I miss something here? Is one not supposed to ask for cheese by the pound, but only by the price?

Oh the personals!

I'm reading these pathetic personals, and I can't get enough. You read them too, and don't get enough!

This reminds me of an experience I had volunteering for speed dating at the William Way Center. I signed on to sell tickets, but since there was an odd number of participants, I was pressured into service. (I was single at the time, and thus could participate in good faith.) Anyway, Guy #1 is obviously an A-lister*, and our "date" consists of me trying to say intelligent things while he looks at me with the patented A-lister Look of Disdain. Only later did I think, "Hey, he doesn't have a boyfriend either, so what the hell does he have to be so smugly superior about?"

*In case you don't know, an A-lister is in the gay community a guy who has the right look, goes to the right gym, has the right job, vacations in the right area, does the right drugs, and has friends just like himself. The A-lister in question was no better- looking than I, but he had the all-American look, which I definitely don't. Also, he was balding a bit on top, which I was too graceful to point out in a Yoda voice while dancing around on my chair. Stupid gracefulness!

Strife Goes On

This is a joke song I wrote at Dan's suggestion. Not my best work, but I guess it merits a post.

Strife Goes On
(sung to the tune of "Life Goes On")

Ned Stark had a castle in a northern place
Catelyn was from the riverlands
Cat said, "Robert's coming north at a slow pace
And while he's here I think he's going to make you Hand."

Ob la di, ob la da, strife goes on
La, la how the strife goes on

Afraid that there might be another civil war
Ned rode south to rule and serve the king
Cat went sailing after and hid with some whores
But was revealed when Varys' birds began to sing

Ob la di, ob la da, strife goes on
La, la how the strife goes on

In a couple of months, Ned found that his best friend's home
Was filled with heirs from his golden wife, but not one was his own

Ned Stark never came back to his northern place
The Lannisters attacked the riverlands
Robb and Grey Wind went to war with sword and mace
And captured Jaime two books 'fore he lost his hand.

The New Salem

You've probably already heard that the Roman Catholic Church has released a new piece of bigotry about gay priests (this should not be confused with previous bigotry). Specifically, this document places more restrictions on priests in seminaries who "are actively homosexual, have deep-seated homosexual tendencies, or support the so-called gay culture." Notably, current priests are grandfathered out of this new policy.

Given that up to 50% of priests are estimated to be gay, isn't this like a village of witches having a witch hunt? However, this policy delights me. I wish all my political and cultural opponents would hamstring themselves this way. You see, I don't require that institutions that oppose me die by my hand; dying in any old way is fine with me. Whether the RCC is pummeled to scraps by progressives or bleeds to death of self-inflicted injuries, my jig of glee is the same.

One more thing: Thanks to Sarcasmo (may her chocolate cravings always be satisfied), I just ordered a "Intelligent Design Isn't" t-shirt. I vacillated between that and "Intelligent Design is Stupid", but I went with the former, which seemed less openly insulting.

Cleaning out my hard drive...

...I came upon this picture of me dissing the Hulk.

This was taken at Madame Tussaud's in London, and obviously that Hulk is wax. I realize I'm dressed like Michael York from "Logan's Run" in that pic, which seemed appropriate garb for a wax museum. Interestingly, there was a life-size, chocolate Elton John at that museum, which made me wonder if the image was made with a mold, or did a sculptor start with a giant block of chocolate and then chip away everything that wasn't Elton.

Speaking of Elton John, did you know the city of Philadelphia renamed part of Juniper Street after him? Yup, Spruce Street is now crossed not by Juniper Street, but by Elton John Way. Call me crazy, but I think knighthood was probably a greater honor.

Civic Duty Done!

My jury duty ended yesterday in a conviction on four felony counts. It was a murder trial, involving one drug dealer killing another in North Philadelphia, and although I was proud to serve, I'm not anxious to repeat the experience soon. My last murder trial ended in acquittal, and I can tell you that it's a lot harder to convict than to acquit. Knowing that you're sending a person to jail for a long time is really hard. It's even harder when you're the foreperson, as I was, and you have to read the verdict to the court, as I did. For the rest of the day, I made certain that the most taxing choice I faced was Diet Coke or root beer.

Samsgiving is tomorrow, always a good time. If you don't much like to cook, it's good to have friends who do.

A borrowed rant

Yes, I am still on jury duty, but we're deliberating and (I hope) will be freed from Philadelphia'a judicial grip on Monday. At the end of every day, the judge tells us not to discuss the case with anyone, but why would you? For Pete's sake, you hear about it all day in excruciating detail, so by the day's end I for one am more than ready to change the subject. In addition, to discuss the case intelligently with anyone I'd have to go into a wearying level of detail. Bah. When I'm done with it, anyone who wants to know about the case is free to ask.

Anyway, I was talking to my brother about "The Dark Crystal" the other day, and we agreed that Kira, not Jen, is the real hero of the story. Here's my brother's (paraphrased) rant about why.

Kira has friends all over the land, Pod People and Striders and such. Kira has direct mind-to-mind empathic communication with animals, who seem inclined to do what she wants. She can hit a crystal bat at 15 yards with a bola while standing in a rowboat. She can fly. Jen, on the other hand, has two discernable skills: He can play a few notes on a flute and he can read. Given that the second ability is boasted by the majority of America's second-graders, I'm not impressed. Kira drags Jen's sorry ass all over the place, saving him from one danger after another, and along the way manages to kill one of the Skeksis by rallying an army of critters to push him into a pit of fire. Jen has to stick a peg in a hole, and he manages to fuck that up so that Kira has to get stabbed to give him another chance to put a peg in a hole.

Kira: A flying, telepathic ninja with allies capable of providing her with shelter, transportation, and tactical assistance. Jen: A literate flutist barely capable of performing a task easily accomplished by chimpanzees in laboratories the world over. Who's the hero of the story?