Xmas is the only thing that makes me look forward to January. Oh, indeed. *
This being the holidays, I thought it was an appropriate time to say that I dislike sweaters. Not the concept of sweaters, mind you; I just don't like them on me. They always look stretched or saggy or something. I have exactly one sweater than has ever looked good on me, and I rarely wear it for fear that it will stretch, sag, etc. Down with them! **
I walked by Isgro the other day (for the uninitiate, Isgro is an Italian bakery that makes a marscapone eclair to die for), and there was a huge line complete with - get this - police for crowd control. Seriously. Evidently the city has not forgotten the hard lessons of the Cannoli Riot of '63. I felt sorry for those folks waiting because a trip to Isgro isn't quick on a normal day, but if you're fortieth in the queue? *** Cancel your plans for New Year's.
* I am watching "The Wire" and this is one of the pet sayings of my favorite character Omar. He's gay, he's hot, he carries a shotgun, and everyone fears him. I want to grow up to be Omar.
** For some reason,I kept typing "sweather" and having to go back and correct. More reason for dislike sweaters.
*** Why in this country is everything considered to be "in line" and not "in queue", except for documents you send to a printer?
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Hey Star!
It's another year since you left us, and so much has happened I don't know where to begin. Lots has changed, and mostly for the better. I'll probably forget to mention something, but as I am sure you have Internet access where you are, you probably know it all anyway.
Feanor and Poppy are on their way to the Land of Parenthood, and your sister is in the Empire of Expanded Families. So there are all kinds of young minds to be properly introduced to the joys of zombies, video games and 80's New Wave. Personally, the notion of being responsible for a small human terrifies me, but they seem well prepared and less terrified.
Babyraven and the SO are comfortably ensconced in a house, yay, which is far larger than mine and has an upstairs living room to die for. Said living room is perfect for Beatles Rock Band, which I am so angry you missed. Unless of course you are playing the real thing with John and George, in which case I am angry to be missing it. Babs is going to India next month too...exciting! Oh, and there is also a basement in which I am told the SO is working on something strange and robotic. I told him, "If we end up on a rag-tag fleet fleeing through space from murderous robots, I am going to be so mad at you!"
Dan and I are - get this - just finishing up a novel. Really. I don't particularly enjoy writing fiction, and I have never fancied the idea of collaborating, but in this case both have worked out really well. We hope to begin peddling the thing within a few weeks, which is a blessed relief. Rejection I can handle; rewriting a chapter for the third time...that's hard. Speaking of rejection, my comedy adventures continue. I have now played for near-empty rooms, aging lesbians, drunken suburban housewives and gay club clones, so all that's left are hobbits. Now that I have gotten on the regular rotation of a local comedy club I perform often (although not for hobbits). I get to take audiences on a trip through my mind, and if I have done my job right, they enjoy the ride. Although I will confess to one or two moments in which I am mentally reworking my resume, on the whole stand-up comedy is a blast. An absolute fucking blast.
There's no doubt a bunch of other stuff I left out, but what I'm including is that everyone still thinks about you, and misses you awfully. You said once on your blog that the only monument you wanted to leave behind was your body of work. Although you have succeeded (if you doubt, try Googling "Slouching Towards Bedlam and see how many hits you get), I think an even more impressive monument is the fingerprint you left on our lives. I know I am not the same since you left, and although I wish you were still with us, I am grateful for the lessons you taught me in your departure.
Feanor and Poppy are on their way to the Land of Parenthood, and your sister is in the Empire of Expanded Families. So there are all kinds of young minds to be properly introduced to the joys of zombies, video games and 80's New Wave. Personally, the notion of being responsible for a small human terrifies me, but they seem well prepared and less terrified.
Babyraven and the SO are comfortably ensconced in a house, yay, which is far larger than mine and has an upstairs living room to die for. Said living room is perfect for Beatles Rock Band, which I am so angry you missed. Unless of course you are playing the real thing with John and George, in which case I am angry to be missing it. Babs is going to India next month too...exciting! Oh, and there is also a basement in which I am told the SO is working on something strange and robotic. I told him, "If we end up on a rag-tag fleet fleeing through space from murderous robots, I am going to be so mad at you!"
Dan and I are - get this - just finishing up a novel. Really. I don't particularly enjoy writing fiction, and I have never fancied the idea of collaborating, but in this case both have worked out really well. We hope to begin peddling the thing within a few weeks, which is a blessed relief. Rejection I can handle; rewriting a chapter for the third time...that's hard. Speaking of rejection, my comedy adventures continue. I have now played for near-empty rooms, aging lesbians, drunken suburban housewives and gay club clones, so all that's left are hobbits. Now that I have gotten on the regular rotation of a local comedy club I perform often (although not for hobbits). I get to take audiences on a trip through my mind, and if I have done my job right, they enjoy the ride. Although I will confess to one or two moments in which I am mentally reworking my resume, on the whole stand-up comedy is a blast. An absolute fucking blast.
There's no doubt a bunch of other stuff I left out, but what I'm including is that everyone still thinks about you, and misses you awfully. You said once on your blog that the only monument you wanted to leave behind was your body of work. Although you have succeeded (if you doubt, try Googling "Slouching Towards Bedlam and see how many hits you get), I think an even more impressive monument is the fingerprint you left on our lives. I know I am not the same since you left, and although I wish you were still with us, I am grateful for the lessons you taught me in your departure.
Tuesday, December 01, 2009
Eight months in the dying...
...WolfBlock, my erstwhile employer, has finally breathed its last. The firm is out of money, and since I don't work for free (except on stage), I'm out of there and out of a job. So in mere moments I will browse to the Web site of the Commonwealth of PA and make my first-ever application for unemployment benefits.
Last night, Dan and I had the following "Life of Brian" conversation:
Me: I've been fully employed, underemployed and unemployed on and off since 2006. We haven't been able to spend money for the last three years.
Dan: Umm...well, we did buy the house.
Me: Yeah, but that's just a place to live.
Dan: There was also the grill. The ceiling fan. The dining room chairs. The guest bed. The TV. The XBox, the DVD player...
Me: OK, well except for the house, the grill, the ceiling fan, the dining room chairs, the guest bed, the TV, the XBox, and the DVD player, we haven't bought anything for the last three years.
Dan: There were those new coats last winter, too.
Me: Get me a cupcake.
Last night, Dan and I had the following "Life of Brian" conversation:
Me: I've been fully employed, underemployed and unemployed on and off since 2006. We haven't been able to spend money for the last three years.
Dan: Umm...well, we did buy the house.
Me: Yeah, but that's just a place to live.
Dan: There was also the grill. The ceiling fan. The dining room chairs. The guest bed. The TV. The XBox, the DVD player...
Me: OK, well except for the house, the grill, the ceiling fan, the dining room chairs, the guest bed, the TV, the XBox, and the DVD player, we haven't bought anything for the last three years.
Dan: There were those new coats last winter, too.
Me: Get me a cupcake.
Friday, November 13, 2009
I don't often tip my hat to the RNC...
...but today, I tip. Apparently, the RNC will no longer offer its employees an insurance plan that covers abortions. I find this pleasingly consistent of them. After all, given how the Republicans are rupturing themselves over Stupak amendments and that nonsense, the least they can do is Stupak their own damned insurance policy. Besides, given how many Republicans are gay, this change will likely have very little impact on any actual Republicans.
Tuesday, November 03, 2009
A few things
I got about my day blissfully unaware that the local Transit Workers Union is, once again, on strike. Instead of going through this folderol every three years, maybe someday the commonwealth will require mandatory binding arbitration. Until then, folderol. I'm just glad that the strike directly affects neither Dan nor I.
Voted this morning on the way to work, and as expected, the place was a graveyard. No ballot questions, for which I was profoundly grateful. I normally research that kind of thing before I get to the poll, but this year I was forgetful.
On a national level, the Republicans have decided to boycott committee work on a climate bill. I don't know why anyone should be surprised by this, really. The GOP has been out to lunch on this issue for years; at least now they acknowledge their absence. Maybe they should just check out until January 2011, when they will either have gained enough seats to sustain a Republican filibuster or lost enough so that Democrats need never worry about another.
Had a great game last night, from which I am still sore. Although the result was a tie (the lights went out early), I played well, handling the disc several times per point, getting a defense on the line and making two successful passes on the goal. That makes up for last week's game, in which my hands were two great insensate lumps of clumsiness.
*Given how many dead Philadelphians vote, that comparison is more apt than I intended.
Voted this morning on the way to work, and as expected, the place was a graveyard. No ballot questions, for which I was profoundly grateful. I normally research that kind of thing before I get to the poll, but this year I was forgetful.
On a national level, the Republicans have decided to boycott committee work on a climate bill. I don't know why anyone should be surprised by this, really. The GOP has been out to lunch on this issue for years; at least now they acknowledge their absence. Maybe they should just check out until January 2011, when they will either have gained enough seats to sustain a Republican filibuster or lost enough so that Democrats need never worry about another.
Had a great game last night, from which I am still sore. Although the result was a tie (the lights went out early), I played well, handling the disc several times per point, getting a defense on the line and making two successful passes on the goal. That makes up for last week's game, in which my hands were two great insensate lumps of clumsiness.
*Given how many dead Philadelphians vote, that comparison is more apt than I intended.
Friday, October 30, 2009
Stuff I have seen
Amazing dexterity! I was at the hardware store yesterday, inquiring about a replacement light bulb...one of those ring-shaped ones. As the not-unattractive young man who was assisting me took one box from the rack, two others fell in rapid succession, and he caught them - BAM! BAM! - with one hand. My reaction: Damn.
Unmitigated gall! Dan and I were at a Chinese restaurant not far from another pair of diners, one of whom was loud and rude. Dan whispered to me, "I haven't even seen him and I know he's in sales." As we were paying the bill and getting ready to leave, the suspected salesman starts up a shockingly racist imitation of Chinese people, in the same loud tone of voice that I am sure the staff heard. My reaction: Douchebag!
Fashion flogging! During my normal morning walk, I pass a drycleaning shop that always features a lovely wedding gown, on a dressform, in the window. This morning that dress (and its form) were on the sidewalk, being beaten with a flyswatter wielded by a man I assume was the owner. He was no doubt beating out dust, but in my head I kept hearing, "Bad bride! Bad, bad bride!" My reaction: Hit harder!
Unmitigated gall! Dan and I were at a Chinese restaurant not far from another pair of diners, one of whom was loud and rude. Dan whispered to me, "I haven't even seen him and I know he's in sales." As we were paying the bill and getting ready to leave, the suspected salesman starts up a shockingly racist imitation of Chinese people, in the same loud tone of voice that I am sure the staff heard. My reaction: Douchebag!
Fashion flogging! During my normal morning walk, I pass a drycleaning shop that always features a lovely wedding gown, on a dressform, in the window. This morning that dress (and its form) were on the sidewalk, being beaten with a flyswatter wielded by a man I assume was the owner. He was no doubt beating out dust, but in my head I kept hearing, "Bad bride! Bad, bad bride!" My reaction: Hit harder!
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Biscuits 'n chocolate 'n feelin' good
Right now I am eating biscuits and chasing them with chocolate, because I saved up the calories all day and I am damn well going to spend them before bed. I am also rewarding myself for a pretty decent performance at a seriously dive bar in Norristown tonight. About half the crowd wasn't paying attention, but of those that were, I totally got good laughs. I even got heckled by this woman who looked alarmingly like a frog**, so I followed the advice of Zen and the Art of Stand-Up Comedy and gave her the attention she seemed to want, and she was satisfied and hopped back on her lillypad. And once again the Yoo-hoo joked worked like a charm. Sweet.
Oh, and a big thanks to Rosemary for her thoughtful birthday gift of Antony Beevo's Stalingrad, which details what might well be the most brutal battle of WWII. The more I learn about Stalin's regime, the more I think it might have been better if the Allies had waited until after the Soviets were defeated to cream Hitler.
**Yes, I am making fun of an audience member on my blog. Those who heckle comedians are bad and wrong and I reserve the right to say they look like frogs. So there.
Oh, and a big thanks to Rosemary for her thoughtful birthday gift of Antony Beevo's Stalingrad, which details what might well be the most brutal battle of WWII. The more I learn about Stalin's regime, the more I think it might have been better if the Allies had waited until after the Soviets were defeated to cream Hitler.
**Yes, I am making fun of an audience member on my blog. Those who heckle comedians are bad and wrong and I reserve the right to say they look like frogs. So there.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Overheard at City Hall
As I walked by City Hall this morning, I saw a confused-looking man hailing a well-dressed man. The conversation:
Confused man: Hey, do you know the way to -
Well-dressed man: Sir, I am an Englishman just set foot in Philadelphia. I don't know the way to doodleysquat.
Next time someone asks me for directions in London, I am saying the same thing, except I won't claim to be an Englishman. That works better in the States
Confused man: Hey, do you know the way to -
Well-dressed man: Sir, I am an Englishman just set foot in Philadelphia. I don't know the way to doodleysquat.
Next time someone asks me for directions in London, I am saying the same thing, except I won't claim to be an Englishman. That works better in the States
Monday, October 19, 2009
Shows!
Busy autumn!
Friday 10/22: Francescas at 1003 E Main St in Norristown, PA. 8:30pm, admission is free
Friday, 11/13: Humor in the Hardbacks at the William Way Community Center at 1315 Spruce Street in Phila, PA. 7:30 pm, admission is $15 or whatever you can pay. (It's a fundraiser for Giovanni's Room.) Learn more at Kelli Dunham's LJ.
Friday, 11/20: Comedy Cabaret in NE Philadelphia. Shows usually start around 8:30, admission is usually around $15. I have a 20-minute set on this one so if you've been waiting to see me perform this is a good one to attend.
Friday 10/22: Francescas at 1003 E Main St in Norristown, PA. 8:30pm, admission is free
Friday, 11/13: Humor in the Hardbacks at the William Way Community Center at 1315 Spruce Street in Phila, PA. 7:30 pm, admission is $15 or whatever you can pay. (It's a fundraiser for Giovanni's Room.) Learn more at Kelli Dunham's LJ.
Friday, 11/20: Comedy Cabaret in NE Philadelphia. Shows usually start around 8:30, admission is usually around $15. I have a 20-minute set on this one so if you've been waiting to see me perform this is a good one to attend.
Friday, October 09, 2009
A nice little smatter of publicity
Josh Middleton, blogging for Philadelphia City Paper, comes through. Now I just can't f*ck it up.
Thursday, October 08, 2009
Things I Saw Today
I saw some neat things today that I thought I would share.
- A man on 12th Street who was leaving a newspaper on every doorstep. He had the papers at one hand, the plastic bags at the other, and he bagged and dropped these papers with machinelike rapidity. I couldn't look away.
- Two people were walking dogs, one large and white and the other small and fluffy. (The dogs, not the walkers.) They allowed their dogs to mingle, and the larger dog was clearly intimidated by the smaller dog. Neat.
- Dozens of boxes of useless paper that will be stored (at cost) for seven years, never recalled, and finally destroyed.
- A man on 12th Street who was leaving a newspaper on every doorstep. He had the papers at one hand, the plastic bags at the other, and he bagged and dropped these papers with machinelike rapidity. I couldn't look away.
- Two people were walking dogs, one large and white and the other small and fluffy. (The dogs, not the walkers.) They allowed their dogs to mingle, and the larger dog was clearly intimidated by the smaller dog. Neat.
- Dozens of boxes of useless paper that will be stored (at cost) for seven years, never recalled, and finally destroyed.
Thursday, October 01, 2009
Why, Thalia?
I found out that Thalia is the muse of comedy, and she's been a naughty gal lately. Last night I dedicated two hours to writing material - set aside the time, stayed in, closeted myself in the spare bedroom with the door shut - and Thalia never put in an appearance. This morning as I was on my way to work she pulled up in a blaze of trumpets and started dictating, so I had to rush to the mostly empty offices of WolfBlock LLP and find a pen to write it all down before I forgot it. (I don't usually forget the jokes I write, but given how fickle Thalia's been of late I was taking no chances.) I probably shouldn't complain; usually that muse visits me at 3:30 in the morning, waking me up from a sound sleep to tell me that, yes, masturbating muppets can indeed be funny and relevant to presidential debates.
BTW, finding a pen at WolfBlock LLP has become increasingly difficult of late. Most of those things, along with sundry supplies and office furniture, has been sold to Thalia-knows-who, but I have managed to scavenge a few choice items. I just got my mitts on a CPU, given freely by the firm's dwindling IT staff, which Dan will hook up to the TV. We already have the wireless keyboard and mouse, so that means I can play Galactic Civilizations II from my sofa, bitches!
BTW, finding a pen at WolfBlock LLP has become increasingly difficult of late. Most of those things, along with sundry supplies and office furniture, has been sold to Thalia-knows-who, but I have managed to scavenge a few choice items. I just got my mitts on a CPU, given freely by the firm's dwindling IT staff, which Dan will hook up to the TV. We already have the wireless keyboard and mouse, so that means I can play Galactic Civilizations II from my sofa, bitches!
Monday, September 28, 2009
Video for Gayborhood Games posted
Sorry for the poor quality; there was serious club lighting going on there.
BTW, Christopher Ciccone was awfully grim-looking for a guy whose claim to fame is ratting out his famous sister. I'm just sayin'. Not that I wouldn't do the same to a famous relative. I'm just waiting for one of my own siblings to become a celebrity so I can do a tell-all book and then judge a gay talent competition.
BTW, Christopher Ciccone was awfully grim-looking for a guy whose claim to fame is ratting out his famous sister. I'm just sayin'. Not that I wouldn't do the same to a famous relative. I'm just waiting for one of my own siblings to become a celebrity so I can do a tell-all book and then judge a gay talent competition.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Gayborhood Games...lost!
Well, I competed against three other comedians in the Gayborhood Games but did not win. (I don't know how I ranked in the competition, either; the judges did not disclose that information.) The winning comedian, Jess Carpenter, deserved his victory; his set was a nice intersection of quality material and commanding delivery, and as soon as he left the stage I knew he was going to win. Yay Jess!
I was Comedian #1, for which I was profoundly grateful; I have learned that in bar shows you never, ever want to go last no matter how prestigious that position might be. The later you go on, the drunker and rowdier the crowd. I like to get on and off the stage while the audience is mainly sober. The judges seemed to like me, and I got some laughs from the rest of the crowd. The venue was in the round, though, which was a new experience for me. I didn't want to turn my back on the judges, but neither did I want to ignore the folks behind me. Argh. Sorry, folks behind me, but you weren't voting on my performance. As it happened, of course, that didn't matter anyway.
It was a fun night, though; I got to watch other comedians and a bunch of vocalists and drag acts and sample some cakes made by various gayborhood chefs, all for free. I also got to gossip with three other gay comedians...tee-hee!
On to The Attack of the 1-4-5 Show!
I was Comedian #1, for which I was profoundly grateful; I have learned that in bar shows you never, ever want to go last no matter how prestigious that position might be. The later you go on, the drunker and rowdier the crowd. I like to get on and off the stage while the audience is mainly sober. The judges seemed to like me, and I got some laughs from the rest of the crowd. The venue was in the round, though, which was a new experience for me. I didn't want to turn my back on the judges, but neither did I want to ignore the folks behind me. Argh. Sorry, folks behind me, but you weren't voting on my performance. As it happened, of course, that didn't matter anyway.
It was a fun night, though; I got to watch other comedians and a bunch of vocalists and drag acts and sample some cakes made by various gayborhood chefs, all for free. I also got to gossip with three other gay comedians...tee-hee!
On to The Attack of the 1-4-5 Show!
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Mrs. Butterworth!
Dan and I were at the SuperFresh at 10th & South last night, looking at Mrs. Butterworth syrup and noting that the bottle was now plastic instead of glass. We weren't interested in buying it, mind you, but we were commenting on how much the bottle looked like the female Changeling from "Deep Space Nine." (UltimateSean gets the original credit for that comparison, by the way.) Anyway, along comes none other than District Attorney Lynne Abraham. I'm kind of a fan of hers, so I greeted her and she was very friendly. She thought we were mulling over syrup choices, so right there she gave us a tutorial on the comparative virtues of this or that syrup. It was great, and so informative that by that point I almost wanted pancakes for dinner. Isn't that like some strange dream?
Did a tasting at the caterer's yesterday, and I had a piece of cake that was absolutely divine. It was so good I almost wept. Can't wait to have more on the 10th!
Did a tasting at the caterer's yesterday, and I had a piece of cake that was absolutely divine. It was so good I almost wept. Can't wait to have more on the 10th!
Friday, September 04, 2009
If you want to hear a smack-down...
Listen to an archived episode of Radio Times (from September 2) about the investigation into CIA interrogation techniques. Scott Horton totally schools Edward Turzanski, who does all but admit that he thinks that torture is legally defensible under the proper circumstances. If you agree with Turzanski you won't like the episode; if you don't, you will love it!
Thursday, September 03, 2009
Love. Her.
I have a total crush on Sarah Palin, but it's nothing sexual. She's cute, all right, but her life is what really turns me on. She's a reality TV show just waiting to happen, and I want to direct it! Vanity Fair is running an article by Levi Johnston about the former governor, and I think I am going to buy it. The more scurrilous the gossip, the more closely I will read. Yum!
Oh, If you're wondering if I think Johnston is cute, let me lay it out for you. He's kind of hot in that only-because-I-am-young way, but fast forward 15 years and I think he's going to be gross. Seriously. So I don't get too excited about him.
I am still with WolfBlock, which at this point is kind of like Gollum. You can still sort of tell what it used to be, but by now it's worn and hollowed out and yet shambles on. At this point the management (or what's left of it) is literally selling the furniture from under us. I tell you, before the leaves fall we'll be working on desks made of boxes.
Oh, If you're wondering if I think Johnston is cute, let me lay it out for you. He's kind of hot in that only-because-I-am-young way, but fast forward 15 years and I think he's going to be gross. Seriously. So I don't get too excited about him.
I am still with WolfBlock, which at this point is kind of like Gollum. You can still sort of tell what it used to be, but by now it's worn and hollowed out and yet shambles on. At this point the management (or what's left of it) is literally selling the furniture from under us. I tell you, before the leaves fall we'll be working on desks made of boxes.
Friday, August 28, 2009
You know caramel creams?
They are tasty even at 9:30 am. It's true.
Got our dining room/powder room/hallway painted, finally, and I love it. Light blue for most of it, a few violet accent walls, and some purple trim. Did the powder room entirely in violet, but after the first coat it looked really pink and I thought, "Did I just make Barbie's Powder Room?" This did not deter me from continuing because: a) I had faith in my color choice; and b) owning Barbie's Powder Room would be kinda funny. Upon the second coat the violet turned out violet so Mattel need not fear.
I have a message for Americans who want government out of their health insurance: Any time you want to permanently waive your right to Medicaid/Medicare, I've got your back. Totally. I will write the president and Congress myself. We'll save oodles of money when you die at 72 due to lack of care (because no private insurance company on the planet is going to cover a 72-year-old with three preexisting conditions), which means more Medicare for the rest of us. Once you are dead and therefore no longer voting foolishly, the survivors (who were smart enough to keep government in our health care) will get Congress to enact sensible health insurance reform that will protect us and our descendants. So really, you should do it for the children.
Got our dining room/powder room/hallway painted, finally, and I love it. Light blue for most of it, a few violet accent walls, and some purple trim. Did the powder room entirely in violet, but after the first coat it looked really pink and I thought, "Did I just make Barbie's Powder Room?" This did not deter me from continuing because: a) I had faith in my color choice; and b) owning Barbie's Powder Room would be kinda funny. Upon the second coat the violet turned out violet so Mattel need not fear.
I have a message for Americans who want government out of their health insurance: Any time you want to permanently waive your right to Medicaid/Medicare, I've got your back. Totally. I will write the president and Congress myself. We'll save oodles of money when you die at 72 due to lack of care (because no private insurance company on the planet is going to cover a 72-year-old with three preexisting conditions), which means more Medicare for the rest of us. Once you are dead and therefore no longer voting foolishly, the survivors (who were smart enough to keep government in our health care) will get Congress to enact sensible health insurance reform that will protect us and our descendants. So really, you should do it for the children.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Biased media...yeah right
Biased towards foolishness I'd say. Thanks to Poppy for the link to this great op-ed about right-wing craziness and the media. Here's my favorite excerpt:
Objectivity is not the goal of journalism but the method of getting to the truth. The responsible journalist looks at the evidence and listens to the commentary, makes her best judgment as to the truth of the matter, and then reports it. She is not required to treat every opinion as equally true, nor should she fear to put the facts in context. Journalists need to worry less about conservative claims of bias and more about doing their frakkin' jobs.
Conservatives have become adept at playing the media for suckers, getting inside the heads of editors and reporters, haunting them with the thought that maybe they are out-of-touch cosmopolitans and that their duty as tribunes of the people's voices means they should treat Obama's creation of "death panels" as just another justiciable political claim.
It used to be different. You never heard the late Walter Cronkite taking time on the evening news to "debunk" claims that a proposed mental health clinic in Alaska is actually a dumping ground for right-wing critics of the president's program, or giving the people who made those claims time to explain themselves on the air. The media didn't adjudicate the ever-present underbrush of American paranoia as a set of "conservative claims" to weigh, horse-race-style, against liberal claims. Back then, a more confident media unequivocally labeled the civic outrage represented by such discourse as "extremist" -- out of bounds.
Objectivity is not the goal of journalism but the method of getting to the truth. The responsible journalist looks at the evidence and listens to the commentary, makes her best judgment as to the truth of the matter, and then reports it. She is not required to treat every opinion as equally true, nor should she fear to put the facts in context. Journalists need to worry less about conservative claims of bias and more about doing their frakkin' jobs.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
When you fail at the polls...
...you turn to brute force. Having been thumped in two successive elections, and facing long-delayed but much-needed reform, conservatives turned first to a massive campaign of disinformation. That campaign has been disappointingly effective, and we're likely to see the "public option" portion of health care reform dropped because of ridiculous claims of "death panels." Now, conservatives are turning up the volume by bringing firearms to presidential events.
When one brings a weapon to an event that is crawling with police and other law enforcement officials, it's not for self-defense, nor is it some statement about Second Amendment rights that have never been in jeopardy. It's a threat, plain and simple, and only frightened people make threats. Frightened people like, say, those who failed to achieve their goals at the ballot box.
I heard it said that when conservatives control government they work its levers without regard for anything but their own goals, but when they lose control, they throw themselves on the gears to make certain nothing works. Well, they've certainly succeeded in 2009.
When one brings a weapon to an event that is crawling with police and other law enforcement officials, it's not for self-defense, nor is it some statement about Second Amendment rights that have never been in jeopardy. It's a threat, plain and simple, and only frightened people make threats. Frightened people like, say, those who failed to achieve their goals at the ballot box.
I heard it said that when conservatives control government they work its levers without regard for anything but their own goals, but when they lose control, they throw themselves on the gears to make certain nothing works. Well, they've certainly succeeded in 2009.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Boo-yah!
I frakkin' conquered the Comedy Cabaret in Marlton Friday night. Seriously. There were ten comics in all and I think I got louder and more consistent laughs than at least eight of them. This was particularly gratifying after the lackluster showing I made last spring. When I got off stage I received many congratulatory handshakes and even a hug from a woman I didn't know, and the next morning my email box was filled with Facebook friend requests. It's like being a successful comedian, except without the fame, money and high demand for my services.
Monday, July 27, 2009
This changes everything!
You have to check out this RedState.com post about Sarah Palin and her "game-changing" resignation. It reads like a David Sedaris essay, except the author isn't away of just how funny it is. This is my favorite part:
So if Palin had done what voters expected and served out the term to which voters elected her, she would have been irresponsible and derelict in her duty. Yes, we have always been at war with Oceania.
The essay is also full of sentences with unnecessary exclamation points!!! Do read the comments, one of which is a warning not to listen to articles published in Alaskan newspapers or interviews conducted with family and close friends of Palin, because obviously none of those people know more about Sarahcuda than some blogger in Mobile, Alabama.
Of all of the reasons Sarah is stepping down over, the one big reason, in my mind, is her love of country. Her deep patriotism. Her sense of duty.
So if Palin had done what voters expected and served out the term to which voters elected her, she would have been irresponsible and derelict in her duty. Yes, we have always been at war with Oceania.
The essay is also full of sentences with unnecessary exclamation points!!! Do read the comments, one of which is a warning not to listen to articles published in Alaskan newspapers or interviews conducted with family and close friends of Palin, because obviously none of those people know more about Sarahcuda than some blogger in Mobile, Alabama.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Scratch one parking ticket!
Yes, the City of Philadelphia is going to have to look elsewhither for its lousy 51 bucks, 'cause my ticket is as dead as Sarah Palin's political future.
I got to the PPA at 12:30, checked in, and then made myself comfortable to wait. There were tons of people there, but I was so engrossed in writing material for my next show and reading the new David Sedaris book that I was fine waiting. I was called back after about 35 minutes, and the following is a transcript of the exchange between me and the administrative adjudicator (AA):
AA: So this ticket is for double-parking?
Me: Yes.
AA: You can't double-park, not with your flashers on, not ever. As a courtesy I'm going to cancel this ticket.
Me: Do I get something in wr-
AA: You'll receive something in the mail within 30 days.
Me: Have a nice day! **
So you can see that my victory had less to do with my rhetorical skills and more with the fact that the AA was running way behind and was dismissing the stupid tickets so she could make headway with the others. Not exactly Bryant vs. Darrow, but either way, that $51 stays in my pocket.
**At this point I gave a moment's thought to asking how one loads a vehicle in the city if you can never double-park, and if all those South Philadelphians get $51 tickets for double-parking every single night. However, I have learned in stand-up that if a joke works you don't ask why; you just tell it. So I kept my pie-hole firmly shut.
I got to the PPA at 12:30, checked in, and then made myself comfortable to wait. There were tons of people there, but I was so engrossed in writing material for my next show and reading the new David Sedaris book that I was fine waiting. I was called back after about 35 minutes, and the following is a transcript of the exchange between me and the administrative adjudicator (AA):
AA: So this ticket is for double-parking?
Me: Yes.
AA: You can't double-park, not with your flashers on, not ever. As a courtesy I'm going to cancel this ticket.
Me: Do I get something in wr-
AA: You'll receive something in the mail within 30 days.
Me: Have a nice day! **
So you can see that my victory had less to do with my rhetorical skills and more with the fact that the AA was running way behind and was dismissing the stupid tickets so she could make headway with the others. Not exactly Bryant vs. Darrow, but either way, that $51 stays in my pocket.
**At this point I gave a moment's thought to asking how one loads a vehicle in the city if you can never double-park, and if all those South Philadelphians get $51 tickets for double-parking every single night. However, I have learned in stand-up that if a joke works you don't ask why; you just tell it. So I kept my pie-hole firmly shut.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Creepy complaint
I've begun to notice, and be annoyed by, the overuse of the word "creepy", which has become synonymous for "anything I don't like." To me, creepy things are scary and/or dangerous, which does not, for example, apply to that dorky guy who hit on you at the bar. He may be irritating, uncute and pathetic, but he's not creepy unless you have compelling reason to think he's got a jar for your head in his basement. Those St. Patrick cupcakes with the green icing are not creepy either. They're unhealthy and not of nature, yes, but given the crap we consume on a daily basis, they're not scary or especially dangerous. So don't call them creepy. Because that makes me angry.
Speaking of ill-advised food, I made a very simplistic version of beef stroganoff yesterday, substituting ground turkey for beef, rice for pasta, and steak sauce for dill weed. So it wasn't much like stroganoff at all, I suppose, but Dan and I enjoyed it anyway.
I'm fighting a traffic ticket tomorrow, so wish me luck. No points on my license are at issue (whew!), but I really don't want to pay $51 dollars for doing for 10 minutes on one day what South Philly residents do every single night for 8-12 hours. Who ever thought a Philly cop would bother to ticket double parking on a wide residential street well after rush hour, anyway? Gar! If the City of Philadelphia can tolerate the other vehicular crap I see on a daily basis (blocking the box, running red lights, cutting off pedestrians in crosswalks), then it can damned well look the other way while I double-park to help a fellow city resident move. We'll see if the PPA agrees.
Speaking of ill-advised food, I made a very simplistic version of beef stroganoff yesterday, substituting ground turkey for beef, rice for pasta, and steak sauce for dill weed. So it wasn't much like stroganoff at all, I suppose, but Dan and I enjoyed it anyway.
I'm fighting a traffic ticket tomorrow, so wish me luck. No points on my license are at issue (whew!), but I really don't want to pay $51 dollars for doing for 10 minutes on one day what South Philly residents do every single night for 8-12 hours. Who ever thought a Philly cop would bother to ticket double parking on a wide residential street well after rush hour, anyway? Gar! If the City of Philadelphia can tolerate the other vehicular crap I see on a daily basis (blocking the box, running red lights, cutting off pedestrians in crosswalks), then it can damned well look the other way while I double-park to help a fellow city resident move. We'll see if the PPA agrees.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Curmudgeon alert!
First, I have to share my current favorite YouTube video.
Second, I'm at long last going to comment on Twitter. I never really had a strong opinion of this until I actually tried to read some tweets and found them incredibly annoying. My reaction had nothing to do with the content of said tweets but the mode of communication. I have said previously that I feel we are too connected these days, and Twitter is sort of the logical end to that trend. As Dan pointed out last night, the noise-to-message ratio is really high on Twitter. (He's smart.) Reading tweets is what I imagine telepathy in a concert would be like: a constant cacophony through which you have to sort to find the value. As Dan also pointed out, not all data transfer is communication. (He's really smart.) I tried to read some political tweets, but after a few posts I gave up. I have enough to do sifting my own mental blurts for a narrative, thanks; I don't need to work on someone else's.
Second, I'm at long last going to comment on Twitter. I never really had a strong opinion of this until I actually tried to read some tweets and found them incredibly annoying. My reaction had nothing to do with the content of said tweets but the mode of communication. I have said previously that I feel we are too connected these days, and Twitter is sort of the logical end to that trend. As Dan pointed out last night, the noise-to-message ratio is really high on Twitter. (He's smart.) Reading tweets is what I imagine telepathy in a concert would be like: a constant cacophony through which you have to sort to find the value. As Dan also pointed out, not all data transfer is communication. (He's really smart.) I tried to read some political tweets, but after a few posts I gave up. I have enough to do sifting my own mental blurts for a narrative, thanks; I don't need to work on someone else's.
Monday, July 06, 2009
The Inscrutable Sarah Palin
I have to tell you that I find Sarah Palin increasingly intriguing, and when the dust settles and the books have been written I'm going to read 'em. Obviously, everyone's heard she's stepping down as Alaska governor, for reasons she didn't quite articulate and no one is really sure. Slate's Bruce Reed points out that this is symptomatic of present-day Republicans:
Anyway, what I find so fascinating about Palin is that she has half of the qualities a politician needs for success, each counterbalanced by a weakness that dooms her to failure. She's cunning but not truly clever or smart. She makes a good impression on people but can't truly read them. She's very aware of how people react to her but doesn't waste a moment actually listening to them. She's enormously ambitious but she leaves behind her a wake of bruised egos and ill feelings. Palin can put herself in the catbird's seat but she just can't seen to stay there very long.
I said it before, I'll say it again. Palin is the political version of that girl you knew in high school, and we all knew one of these girls, regardless of where or when you went to high school. When you first met her you thought she was great, but the better you got to know her the less you liked her. She wasn't book-smart and her classwork was unremarkable, but she always knew who the winners were and how she could be among them when the credits rolled. She had the cutest boyfriends and she associated herself with the most popular circle, but none of them seemed to care for her very much, and in fact were sometimes downright wary of her. And no matter how sure you were that you'd seen her worst, she could always shock you with her near-total indifference to your concerns, needs or point of view.
Needless to say, this turn of events has only piqued by interest in Ms. Palin. So I'll be watching the bookshelves!
What makes her sudden resignation especially troubling, though, is not the flawed strategy so much as her jubilation and relief in putting the statehouse in her rear mirror. Palin's resignation is a symptom of what's crippling the Republican Party of late: Governing has become an unwelcome distraction.
Anyway, what I find so fascinating about Palin is that she has half of the qualities a politician needs for success, each counterbalanced by a weakness that dooms her to failure. She's cunning but not truly clever or smart. She makes a good impression on people but can't truly read them. She's very aware of how people react to her but doesn't waste a moment actually listening to them. She's enormously ambitious but she leaves behind her a wake of bruised egos and ill feelings. Palin can put herself in the catbird's seat but she just can't seen to stay there very long.
I said it before, I'll say it again. Palin is the political version of that girl you knew in high school, and we all knew one of these girls, regardless of where or when you went to high school. When you first met her you thought she was great, but the better you got to know her the less you liked her. She wasn't book-smart and her classwork was unremarkable, but she always knew who the winners were and how she could be among them when the credits rolled. She had the cutest boyfriends and she associated herself with the most popular circle, but none of them seemed to care for her very much, and in fact were sometimes downright wary of her. And no matter how sure you were that you'd seen her worst, she could always shock you with her near-total indifference to your concerns, needs or point of view.
Needless to say, this turn of events has only piqued by interest in Ms. Palin. So I'll be watching the bookshelves!
Monday, June 29, 2009
Two things
That's what this weekend was. Thusly:
Thursday night**: Ultimate
Friday night: RPG
Saturday afternoon: Ultimate
Saturday night: RPG
Sunday morning: Ultimate
The combination of those two in my life throws off every Internet geek test I've ever taken.
All that Ultimating meant that a) I was eating like crazy all weekend; and b) I was sore as hell. B was particularly acute because Sunday morning's game was filled out by a number of tall, young, extremely fast guys who forced me to play as if I were fifteen years younger. Argh.
July approaches, and that means the Gay & Lesbian Film Festival, or Q'Fest or whatever the hell they're calling it these days. I have five films lined up, which is unusual for me. What's even more unusual is that Dan will accompany me to two of them...yay!
On a tangentially related topic, the Log Cabin Republicans have in the grand tradition of all organizations gay, splintered, most likely over egos or a stolen blouse. But don't worry...no doubt the new gay Republican group, GOProud, will just as pathetically support GOP candidates who take their votes and their donations and still vote against same sex marriage. I find gay conservatives immensely amusing, mostly because all of their efforts to "work from the inside" of the Republican Party haven't resulted in any significant policy achievements. For more fun, check out this article. Here are some gems:
That approach evidently does not include protection from gay-bashers or employment discrimination.
I cannot imagine why gay groups would be uninterested in supporting a law to ban a practice that is legal nowhere nor even scientifically possible.
This is why I loved the Log Cabin Republicans, and why I look forward with great pleasure to watching GOProud make tools and jackasses of themselves.
**I know Thursday night is hardly the weekend, but when you aren't working Friday it may as well be.
Thursday night**: Ultimate
Friday night: RPG
Saturday afternoon: Ultimate
Saturday night: RPG
Sunday morning: Ultimate
The combination of those two in my life throws off every Internet geek test I've ever taken.
All that Ultimating meant that a) I was eating like crazy all weekend; and b) I was sore as hell. B was particularly acute because Sunday morning's game was filled out by a number of tall, young, extremely fast guys who forced me to play as if I were fifteen years younger. Argh.
July approaches, and that means the Gay & Lesbian Film Festival, or Q'Fest or whatever the hell they're calling it these days. I have five films lined up, which is unusual for me. What's even more unusual is that Dan will accompany me to two of them...yay!
On a tangentially related topic, the Log Cabin Republicans have in the grand tradition of all organizations gay, splintered, most likely over egos or a stolen blouse. But don't worry...no doubt the new gay Republican group, GOProud, will just as pathetically support GOP candidates who take their votes and their donations and still vote against same sex marriage. I find gay conservatives immensely amusing, mostly because all of their efforts to "work from the inside" of the Republican Party haven't resulted in any significant policy achievements. For more fun, check out this article. Here are some gems:
"If you pulled the lever for John McCain in 2008, then passing hate-crimes legislation or ENDA [Employment Non-Discrimination Act] is probably not your priority," says Mr. LaSalvia. "Most issues that are defined as 'gay' issues have been defined by the left. We take a different approach."
That approach evidently does not include protection from gay-bashers or employment discrimination.
Take abortion. Christopher Barron, GOProud's chairman of the board, points to an example from a few years back, when a Maine state legislator introduced a bill that would have outlawed abortion for a child thought to be gay, in the event genetic testing ever reached that point. That politician, Mr. Barron says, received virtually no support from gay groups.
I cannot imagine why gay groups would be uninterested in supporting a law to ban a practice that is legal nowhere nor even scientifically possible.
This is why I loved the Log Cabin Republicans, and why I look forward with great pleasure to watching GOProud make tools and jackasses of themselves.
**I know Thursday night is hardly the weekend, but when you aren't working Friday it may as well be.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Happy Birthday Star!
Some of those who remember you well are getting together tonight, and we will think (and speak) of you. and I'll raise a glass, although it may contain only Diet Coke.
Monday, June 08, 2009
Woot, loot and fruit
I have posted the vids of my performance at Gayety, the event that commemorated the closing of Joe Coffee Bar. As you will see, it was a fun crowd and I had alot of fun performing. And I got to open for Deirdre Flint...eat it, bitches!
Wolf Block is now officially dead, although a few of the employees - me included - have been asked to stay through the summer to attend to the burial. So I spend much of my days cleaning out offices and boxing up files. It's kinda fun, because the place is nearly empty so you can yell down corridors and throw empty boxes around without fear of hitting anyone. And so I do. Also, you can have your pick of the stuff the firm is throwing out, so there is a significant amount of looting.
Looking forward to lunch so much that I will savor even the granny smith apple I brought. In case you don't know I am not wild about fruit, although I eat it on a regular basis. Strawberries, pineapple and grapes are my favorites, but I eat the apples because they're more convenient to carry and they keep alot longer.
Wolf Block is now officially dead, although a few of the employees - me included - have been asked to stay through the summer to attend to the burial. So I spend much of my days cleaning out offices and boxing up files. It's kinda fun, because the place is nearly empty so you can yell down corridors and throw empty boxes around without fear of hitting anyone. And so I do. Also, you can have your pick of the stuff the firm is throwing out, so there is a significant amount of looting.
Looking forward to lunch so much that I will savor even the granny smith apple I brought. In case you don't know I am not wild about fruit, although I eat it on a regular basis. Strawberries, pineapple and grapes are my favorites, but I eat the apples because they're more convenient to carry and they keep alot longer.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Two Milestones
Milestone the First: WolfBlock closes its doors today, although I confess they made me a pretty good deal to stay on through the summer so I will not join the ranks of the unemployed until September. I may, however, become one of the 47 million uninsured Americans, because WB is closing the group health plan. That means no COBRA, no nothing. Back to the good old American universal health care system: Don't get sick.
Milestone the Second: Someone totally recognized me on the street today...for comedy, and not robbing a bank or something. I was on 12th Street heading north when a guy who was at Saturday's show at Joe cheered me. That made me feel better about having to go to work. A little better, anyway.
Speaking of Saturday, my two shows were, respectively, great fun and so-so. The crowd at Joe, two dozen strangers supplemented by about ten people I knew, was terrific, and I effortlessly did a twenty-five minute set. (OK, not quite effortlessly without a mic, but you know.) The Comedy Cabaret gig was a tougher nut, and I think I could have picked better material, but I got some laughs all the same, particularly on my heckler joke. And the Yoo-hoo bit worked again. I don't know why that joke has never failed me, but it's probably best not to ask why.
Milestone the Second: Someone totally recognized me on the street today...for comedy, and not robbing a bank or something. I was on 12th Street heading north when a guy who was at Saturday's show at Joe cheered me. That made me feel better about having to go to work. A little better, anyway.
Speaking of Saturday, my two shows were, respectively, great fun and so-so. The crowd at Joe, two dozen strangers supplemented by about ten people I knew, was terrific, and I effortlessly did a twenty-five minute set. (OK, not quite effortlessly without a mic, but you know.) The Comedy Cabaret gig was a tougher nut, and I think I could have picked better material, but I got some laughs all the same, particularly on my heckler joke. And the Yoo-hoo bit worked again. I don't know why that joke has never failed me, but it's probably best not to ask why.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Yes!
I am totally digging Toni Basil's outfit in this video. Electric blue, boxy, with an over-the-top hat...ooh la la! Anyone who wears this outfit to my Halloween party automatically wins a prize. Fuck the vote! Right in the mouth.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
There is no page you could turn, Mr. Steele
Evidently, Michael Steele thinks that four months is plenty of time to forget eight disastrous years.
WASHINGTON (AP) — Republican Party Chairman Michael Steele insists the GOP has embarked on a new chapter and says it now must offer genuine solutions for the ailing country.
"The era of apologizing for Republican mistakes of the past is now officially over. It is done," Steele said in remarks prepared for delivery Tuesday to state party chairmen. "We have turned the page, we have turned the corner. No more looking in the rearview mirror. From this point forward, we will focus all of our energies on winning the future."
An unnecessary war, a ruined economy, botched disaster responses and federal corruption on a grand scale...four months is not enough to forget that, sir. Four years isn't enough.
WASHINGTON (AP) — Republican Party Chairman Michael Steele insists the GOP has embarked on a new chapter and says it now must offer genuine solutions for the ailing country.
"The era of apologizing for Republican mistakes of the past is now officially over. It is done," Steele said in remarks prepared for delivery Tuesday to state party chairmen. "We have turned the page, we have turned the corner. No more looking in the rearview mirror. From this point forward, we will focus all of our energies on winning the future."
An unnecessary war, a ruined economy, botched disaster responses and federal corruption on a grand scale...four months is not enough to forget that, sir. Four years isn't enough.
Friday, May 15, 2009
WWAFOJD
For the last few years we've all seen "WWJD" emblazoned on shirts, buttons, etc., and if you're a Christian it seems a pretty good lens through which to view moral choices, right? Wrong, says prominent evangelical Christian Gary Bauer. Get this:
So let me understand this. Jesus, being divine (or part divine, or something...I have never understood it), can't torture people, but his followers, who are presumably not divine, are not only allowed to torture, they are morally obligated to do so. And so torture goes from an act of barbarity to an affirmation of one's dedication to morality. Holy cow.
“There are a lot of things Jesus wouldn’t do because he’s the son of God,” he said. “The more appropriate question is, ‘What is a follower of Jesus permitted to do?’”
The moral equation changes when the suspect is not a soldier captured on a battlefield but a terrorist who may have knowledge of an impending attack.
“I think if we believe the person we have can give us information to stop thousands of Americans from being killed, it would be morally suspect to not use harsh tactics to get that information,” Bauer said.
So let me understand this. Jesus, being divine (or part divine, or something...I have never understood it), can't torture people, but his followers, who are presumably not divine, are not only allowed to torture, they are morally obligated to do so. And so torture goes from an act of barbarity to an affirmation of one's dedication to morality. Holy cow.
Friday, May 08, 2009
You know it's bad when...
...the Republicans can't even hold on to Joe the Plumber. Hopefully, he won't follow Snarlin' Arlen's example and switch to the Democratic Party, because I really don't want him on my side.
WolfBlock is in its death throes, characterized by more angry emails about how the folks managing the wind-down don't care about the employees. Well, duh. Those people have jobs. Dan says I need to think about the people who invested 20, 30 years, and he's right, but I still have a hard time relating to those who viewed the firm as a family or something. The firm was a business, first and foremost; anyone who doubts that need only remember the speed at which the partners abandoned ship once they voted to dissolve. Except in rare occasions, your coworkers are not your family, they are not your friends, and they most certainly aren't putting your needs ahead of their own.
WolfBlock is in its death throes, characterized by more angry emails about how the folks managing the wind-down don't care about the employees. Well, duh. Those people have jobs. Dan says I need to think about the people who invested 20, 30 years, and he's right, but I still have a hard time relating to those who viewed the firm as a family or something. The firm was a business, first and foremost; anyone who doubts that need only remember the speed at which the partners abandoned ship once they voted to dissolve. Except in rare occasions, your coworkers are not your family, they are not your friends, and they most certainly aren't putting your needs ahead of their own.
Thursday, May 07, 2009
Grrr...
As someone who used to regularly use the South Street Bridge, I was dismayed to learn that the city tore the thing down without deciding on what would replace it. I'm no municipal planner, and my event coordination experience is limited to two self-produced comedy shows, but I think I'd have done better. For example, I don't throw out my old sneakers until I have the new ones in hand, particularly if that's going to take two frickin' years.
Here's a question: If the army can build a bridge overnight that's capable of supporting tanks, why can't the City of Philadelphia build an equally stable bridge in less than two years? Maybe we should find some battalion to do the job for us.
Here's a question: If the army can build a bridge overnight that's capable of supporting tanks, why can't the City of Philadelphia build an equally stable bridge in less than two years? Maybe we should find some battalion to do the job for us.
Monday, May 04, 2009
And the truth comes out
My employers is mere weeks away from heaving its last breath, and now that the bigwigs have gone, the lower-ranked attorneys are bitching about the firm's dissolution via company-wide email. These messages are worth reading, let me tell you. Here are some choice excerpts:
"...the abysmal failure of leadership and a few greedy lawyers unwilling to cut back on high compensation..."
"...we are all now able to find new places with better leadership and management that makes better efforts to harness the talents of their lawyer with compensation that better resemble a meritocracy than the ponzi scheme that ultimately developed at Wolf Block..."
"...we had grossly incompetent senior leadership who practiced financial insanity and, together with outsiders who stood to benefit from large fees, led their partners like lemmings to dissolution..."
A new message, full of bile and helpless anger, comes in once every few hours, so today has been just the gift that keeps on giving. I'm tempted to reply, firm-wide, to say, "People, please...continue!"
New favorite lyric:
"Tom Cruise is so in love with Katie
At least all his people tell him so
And while he thinks that she's a very special lady
It's probably not the way he'd choose to go
But a lifetime of longing looks would cause too much distraction
Good thing that he's not gay anymore"
Artist: Jonathan Coulton (Jonathan Coulton)
Song: Tom Cruise Crazy
Album: Thing a Week
"...the abysmal failure of leadership and a few greedy lawyers unwilling to cut back on high compensation..."
"...we are all now able to find new places with better leadership and management that makes better efforts to harness the talents of their lawyer with compensation that better resemble a meritocracy than the ponzi scheme that ultimately developed at Wolf Block..."
"...we had grossly incompetent senior leadership who practiced financial insanity and, together with outsiders who stood to benefit from large fees, led their partners like lemmings to dissolution..."
A new message, full of bile and helpless anger, comes in once every few hours, so today has been just the gift that keeps on giving. I'm tempted to reply, firm-wide, to say, "People, please...continue!"
New favorite lyric:
"Tom Cruise is so in love with Katie
At least all his people tell him so
And while he thinks that she's a very special lady
It's probably not the way he'd choose to go
But a lifetime of longing looks would cause too much distraction
Good thing that he's not gay anymore"
Artist: Jonathan Coulton (Jonathan Coulton)
Song: Tom Cruise Crazy
Album: Thing a Week
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Overheard at Work...the Reckoning
Two posts ago I mentioned my poor, poor coworker who complained about not getting a response to an emailed resume and my sadness that she had not yet seen the worst. (Or near the worst.) Sadly, I was correct, as she was complaining the other day about being kept waiting a half-hour for an interview that the interviewer skipped without notice.
Sometimes I hate being right.
Arlen Specter switches parties, eh? Well, I still think he was a useless old windbag during the Bush years, grumbling about W's many corrupt incompetencies but doing next to nothing about it. Independent, indeed.
Sometimes I hate being right.
Arlen Specter switches parties, eh? Well, I still think he was a useless old windbag during the Bush years, grumbling about W's many corrupt incompetencies but doing next to nothing about it. Independent, indeed.
Friday, April 24, 2009
Remember when I said I knew what was coming?
Well, I was wrong. I thought I'd seen every bit of job-hunting craziness there was, but the universe has proven, once again, that even when you think you've seen the worst, there's always something just a little bit lower. I'm not going into details here, but let me say this: If you are contemplating taking a job with a major Center City law office, contact me first and tell me the name. If it is the same company to which I so obliquely refer...run hard, run silent, run deep.
Dan and I are watching (courtesy of Netflix) the old 90's series "American Gothic" and kind of enjoying it. One of the actors, who was probably about eleven at the time, is just fantastic for someone so young. Seriously. He reminds me of young Jodie Foster, who was good even in "Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore" because she is just a natural.
Had off from work today (soon I will have off every day!) and I spent most of it on household duties, the chief of which was stripping, cleaning and sealing the deck. Another chore completely neglected by the former owners, so there was mildew aplenty, but I got most of it with my trusty deck scrubber. Those of you attending BBQ's this summer will get to see the New and Improved Deck for yourselves.
New favorite lyric:
"I've looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all"
Artist: Joni Mitchell (Joni Mitchell)
Song: Both Sides Now
Album: Clouds
Almost forgot...this is for CathyC.
Dan and I are watching (courtesy of Netflix) the old 90's series "American Gothic" and kind of enjoying it. One of the actors, who was probably about eleven at the time, is just fantastic for someone so young. Seriously. He reminds me of young Jodie Foster, who was good even in "Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore" because she is just a natural.
Had off from work today (soon I will have off every day!) and I spent most of it on household duties, the chief of which was stripping, cleaning and sealing the deck. Another chore completely neglected by the former owners, so there was mildew aplenty, but I got most of it with my trusty deck scrubber. Those of you attending BBQ's this summer will get to see the New and Improved Deck for yourselves.
New favorite lyric:
"I've looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all"
Artist: Joni Mitchell (Joni Mitchell)
Song: Both Sides Now
Album: Clouds
Almost forgot...this is for CathyC.
Tuesday, April 07, 2009
Overheard at work
As I previously mentioned, the company for which I work is not likely to outlast the milk in my refrigerator, so everyone's scrambling for work. As you may know, law firm people tend to stick with the firm for years if not decades, and some of them haven't job-hunted since Nixon was president. Today I heard one of those say she'd emailed her resume in response to a job posting and never got a reply. She complained that not responding to a submitted resume was "just unprofessional."
I shook my head sadly but said nothing; she has no idea what awaits: A world of companies who don't acknowledge your application, treat you like a criminal during the interview and dirt after you've left the office. And that was when the economy was fine. Great Zeus. I don't have the heart to break it to her. Not that I'm in much better straits, but at least I know what's coming.
I shook my head sadly but said nothing; she has no idea what awaits: A world of companies who don't acknowledge your application, treat you like a criminal during the interview and dirt after you've left the office. And that was when the economy was fine. Great Zeus. I don't have the heart to break it to her. Not that I'm in much better straits, but at least I know what's coming.
Thursday, April 02, 2009
This show brought to you by ibuprofen
Yes, I was sick again for a show, but since there was no way I was skipping, I reached out to my friend Motrin and muddled through. I'm actually fairly pleased with my performance, but the audience was less so. Truth be told, they didn't much like any of the four of us, so I was in good company. The video should be available within a few days.
Oh, and if you click on "My Photos" to the right you can find some photos taken by TrackerMom at various shows. Enjoy!
Oh, and if you click on "My Photos" to the right you can find some photos taken by TrackerMom at various shows. Enjoy!
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
This is just weird
Now that my resume is active on Monster.com again, I am getting bombarded with all sorts of job-hunting advice. Here's a doozy from CNN Money, in the form of a Q&A:
How can you get someone's attention?
We can go into billboards, sandwiches - that stuff only works once. It's only for one person who figures it out once, once in a city. If you're looking for fun stuff, we have this thing called the coffee cup caper, 30% of the time it will result in an interview. You send an employer a coffee cup with a little $5 swipe card with a little note that says, I'd like to get together and talk with you over coffee. I'll be calling soon. And you send it by U.S. post two day delivery, and that gets registered. So when they've signed for it, you wait about 20 minutes and then you call them. And then you go, Hi, I know you just got my package.' You're proving you're imaginative and creative.
And a stalker! You don't give a potential employer gifts, particularly when that gift is accompanied by creepy, Fatal-Attraction-style surveillance that reveals, to the minute, when they received that gift. What's next? Do you bring wine and condoms on their honeymoon? Ye gods...does anyone actually get hired this way?
How can you get someone's attention?
We can go into billboards, sandwiches - that stuff only works once. It's only for one person who figures it out once, once in a city. If you're looking for fun stuff, we have this thing called the coffee cup caper, 30% of the time it will result in an interview. You send an employer a coffee cup with a little $5 swipe card with a little note that says, I'd like to get together and talk with you over coffee. I'll be calling soon. And you send it by U.S. post two day delivery, and that gets registered. So when they've signed for it, you wait about 20 minutes and then you call them. And then you go, Hi, I know you just got my package.' You're proving you're imaginative and creative.
And a stalker! You don't give a potential employer gifts, particularly when that gift is accompanied by creepy, Fatal-Attraction-style surveillance that reveals, to the minute, when they received that gift. What's next? Do you bring wine and condoms on their honeymoon? Ye gods...does anyone actually get hired this way?
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Two shows down
I have put both the The Return of the 1-4-5 Show and Screwballs behind me, and now I am on to Fags & Hags on April 1. I feel kinda like a real comedian. Screwballs was fun, BTW, and the audience was ready to laugh but unforgiving. Didn't matter how good your last joke was; if this one wasn't working, you didn't get a peep outta them. Maybe that's how it should be, I don't know, but it sure was disconcerting. The Yoo-hoo bit has never failed though, which is surprising given how lame a joke it is. Videos for both should be available within a few days.
On my way to work today, I saw a man on a bike with a small dog in a small pouch at his midsection. Both man and dog wore identical goggles and were intently watching the road. I wish I'd had the camera!
In case you haven't heard, WolfBlock LLP, my employer, is disintegrating. It's no secret; the Inquirer broke the story Monday morning, which is where I heard about it, and it's been all over the local media ever since. Everyone around here is weepy, angry, bitter, etc., but I can't help but feel a bit optimistic. In this circumstance I can collect unemployment insurance, whereas the last two times I was unemployed there was nothing but Dan and my savings. So this is the softest landing I have ever had. Also, if you have to be out of work spring is the right time for it!
UPDATE: Video for Screwballs show now available.
On my way to work today, I saw a man on a bike with a small dog in a small pouch at his midsection. Both man and dog wore identical goggles and were intently watching the road. I wish I'd had the camera!
In case you haven't heard, WolfBlock LLP, my employer, is disintegrating. It's no secret; the Inquirer broke the story Monday morning, which is where I heard about it, and it's been all over the local media ever since. Everyone around here is weepy, angry, bitter, etc., but I can't help but feel a bit optimistic. In this circumstance I can collect unemployment insurance, whereas the last two times I was unemployed there was nothing but Dan and my savings. So this is the softest landing I have ever had. Also, if you have to be out of work spring is the right time for it!
UPDATE: Video for Screwballs show now available.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
I'm in the news!
And not for shooting twelve people in a mall or something. For comedy. Look!
OK, it's not the New York Times, but any publicity is good as long as they spell your name right. Given how often my name gets mangled (McGarvey, McGarrity, McGorry, NeGary), I feel I'm well ahead of the curve.
OK, it's not the New York Times, but any publicity is good as long as they spell your name right. Given how often my name gets mangled (McGarvey, McGarrity, McGorry, NeGary), I feel I'm well ahead of the curve.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Upcoming shows!
The Return of the 1-4-5 Show
Featuring Neil McGarry, Joey Callahan, Katie Kohler, Carolyn Busa, Mike Eiswerth, and Samita Pendse
Friday, March 20, 7pm, 1100 Walnut Street
$10 admission
Screwballs
Featuring Katie Kohler, Neil McGarry, and others.
Tuesday, March 24, 8:30pm - ?, 208 W Biedler Road King of Prussia PA
No admission but a two drink minimum.
Fags and Hags at Stir
Featuring Katie Kohler, Neil McGarry, Joanne Filan, and Janice Kamalski.
Wednesday April 1, 10pm, 1705 Chancellor Street
$5 admission ($2 off first drink)
Featuring Neil McGarry, Joey Callahan, Katie Kohler, Carolyn Busa, Mike Eiswerth, and Samita Pendse
Friday, March 20, 7pm, 1100 Walnut Street
$10 admission
Screwballs
Featuring Katie Kohler, Neil McGarry, and others.
Tuesday, March 24, 8:30pm - ?, 208 W Biedler Road King of Prussia PA
No admission but a two drink minimum.
Fags and Hags at Stir
Featuring Katie Kohler, Neil McGarry, Joanne Filan, and Janice Kamalski.
Wednesday April 1, 10pm, 1705 Chancellor Street
$5 admission ($2 off first drink)
Thursday, March 12, 2009
What a guy!
You know you are a tax scofflaw when Michael Nutter, personally, calls you out. At your office. In the middle of the day.
I kinda wish the mayor would call me out over something I'm doing wrong, like goofing off at work or discarding the parts of the Oreo I don't want to eat.** You can't buy that kind of publicity.
**For those who don't know, I will, occasionally, remove one cookie side from the Oreo and eat the frosting and other side. But I do eat the frosting, though. People who don't are terrorists. It is known.
I kinda wish the mayor would call me out over something I'm doing wrong, like goofing off at work or discarding the parts of the Oreo I don't want to eat.** You can't buy that kind of publicity.
**For those who don't know, I will, occasionally, remove one cookie side from the Oreo and eat the frosting and other side. But I do eat the frosting, though. People who don't are terrorists. It is known.
Thursday, March 05, 2009
Booked!
My third show for this spring is...
I'll leave you to decide if I am a fag or a hag. Or both.
I'll leave you to decide if I am a fag or a hag. Or both.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Friday, February 20, 2009
Overheard in a men's room...
"Your cheeks are rosy."
Admittedly, I take a dim view of conversation in a public restroom, but come on. The speaker was referring to what cold does to the human face, but really.
Admittedly, I take a dim view of conversation in a public restroom, but come on. The speaker was referring to what cold does to the human face, but really.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Tom Zarek may have been right.
Read no further if you fear BSG spoilers! (Or at least don't follow the link)
The argument against Cylon alliance.
The argument against Cylon alliance.
Thursday, February 05, 2009
Some "common sense"
Look, I understand why John McCain would turn to the "wisdom" of Joe the Plumber in the waning days of his campaign; I mean, when you're desperate you take some long shots. But why is the Republican Party still listening to this man?
His name's not Joe. He isn't a plumber. He doesn't own a business. Not only would he not have paid more taxes under Obama's plan, he's apparently had trouble paying taxes at all. Joe the Plumber is a figment of the GOP's collective imagination, constructed from phony populism and empty, blue-collar hero worship with just a dash of anti-intellectualism.
Come to think of it, maybe he's the perfect Republican spokesman after all.
"I'd like to help you Tom in any way I can
I sure appreciate the way you're working with me
I'm not a monster, Tom...well, technically I am
I guess I am."
Artist: Jonathan Coulton
Song: RE: Your brains
Album: Thing A Week (Two)
His name's not Joe. He isn't a plumber. He doesn't own a business. Not only would he not have paid more taxes under Obama's plan, he's apparently had trouble paying taxes at all. Joe the Plumber is a figment of the GOP's collective imagination, constructed from phony populism and empty, blue-collar hero worship with just a dash of anti-intellectualism.
Come to think of it, maybe he's the perfect Republican spokesman after all.
"I'd like to help you Tom in any way I can
I sure appreciate the way you're working with me
I'm not a monster, Tom...well, technically I am
I guess I am."
Artist: Jonathan Coulton
Song: RE: Your brains
Album: Thing A Week (Two)
Tuesday, February 03, 2009
Monday, February 02, 2009
I had...a nightmare?
Before I go into this, you have to know two things:
1) From time to time I have spider dreams, in which arachnids (usually large and gross) feature prominently and I wake in a panic.
2) A drider is a AD&D monster that is a dark elf who pissed off the Demon Queen of Spiders and got cursed with a part-spider body. Picture a centaur except with a spider bottom and you've pretty much got it.
OK, back to the nightmare. I was on a raptor (yes, from "Battlestar Galactica") piloted by Margaret "Racetrack" Edmonson and accompanied by Saul Tigh. Racetrack took us to this large under-construction-looking space structure, and then we donned spacesuits and left the raptor. We climbed along the structure until we reached this little alcove in which there was a sort of web-nest containing a single baby drider. Clearly, there are no baby driders, but that's not what was odd. What was odd was that the drider was plush. And what was bizarre was that the drider was Andy Dick, or at least from the waist up. (The rest, naturally, was spider.) When this offense to gods and man began to push itself mewling out of its nest, I started kicking at it and I woke up kicking at Dan.
So...I had a nightmare in which I was menaced by a baby, plush, Andy-dick drider. Great Zeus, but this job is getting to me.
1) From time to time I have spider dreams, in which arachnids (usually large and gross) feature prominently and I wake in a panic.
2) A drider is a AD&D monster that is a dark elf who pissed off the Demon Queen of Spiders and got cursed with a part-spider body. Picture a centaur except with a spider bottom and you've pretty much got it.
OK, back to the nightmare. I was on a raptor (yes, from "Battlestar Galactica") piloted by Margaret "Racetrack" Edmonson and accompanied by Saul Tigh. Racetrack took us to this large under-construction-looking space structure, and then we donned spacesuits and left the raptor. We climbed along the structure until we reached this little alcove in which there was a sort of web-nest containing a single baby drider. Clearly, there are no baby driders, but that's not what was odd. What was odd was that the drider was plush. And what was bizarre was that the drider was Andy Dick, or at least from the waist up. (The rest, naturally, was spider.) When this offense to gods and man began to push itself mewling out of its nest, I started kicking at it and I woke up kicking at Dan.
So...I had a nightmare in which I was menaced by a baby, plush, Andy-dick drider. Great Zeus, but this job is getting to me.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Cylons love gyros, too!
Ordinarily, I view the Sixes (like all Cylons) as sociopathic, overly religious douchebags, but on the gyro issue we are in full agreement.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Sunday, January 18, 2009
It's warm somewhere in America
...or at least in Florida. Only 70 there, mind you, but that was about fifty degrees warmer than Philly. Still, it was nice to wear short sleeves during the day and only a light jacket at night, which the locals seemed to feel was quite out of place. The flight down included a scary landing; evidently the pilot thought hitting the ground at 700 miles an hour was just peachy. But (minor miracle) both departing and returning the flights were on time, so I guess I shouldn't complain.
What the hell, I will. US Air now charges $15 for the first checked bag and $25 for two, which is a fairly new development. Now, if you were an airline exec, what might you imagine would be the result of the implementation of this kind of policy? Do you think it might just be possible that passengers will do all that they can to avoid checking bags? If you thought that, you were right. Going down I was only spared the fee by Dan warping space in the overhead compartment and fitting my bag nearly into place. Coming back I caved and paid the damned fee because I didn't want to go through the hassle of trying to stow my modestly sized bag.
Argh. I hate air travel. Where's my jump drive?
What the hell, I will. US Air now charges $15 for the first checked bag and $25 for two, which is a fairly new development. Now, if you were an airline exec, what might you imagine would be the result of the implementation of this kind of policy? Do you think it might just be possible that passengers will do all that they can to avoid checking bags? If you thought that, you were right. Going down I was only spared the fee by Dan warping space in the overhead compartment and fitting my bag nearly into place. Coming back I caved and paid the damned fee because I didn't want to go through the hassle of trying to stow my modestly sized bag.
Argh. I hate air travel. Where's my jump drive?
Thursday, January 15, 2009
The Great Escape
Just as the temperatures in Philadelphia are clunking to the bottom at a high of 20, Dan and I will be fleeing to sunny Florida. Dan's mom warned us that it's "only" 70 down there. ::sigh:: Anyway, we'll be back by Monday, by the grace of the Lords of Kobol and US Air. And, yes, we know a US Air plane just went down today, so my hope is with the Lords.
On my way to work today I passed three burly construction workers, and one of them was whistling, "Hungry Like the Wolf." No kidding. When I went by he was just getting to the "Do do do do, do do do, do do do, do do do, do doooo" part. Loves it.
I have my "Yes We Can" pin at the ready for Tuesday, although I will be at the inauguration only in spirit. You know, I watched a YouTube recording of Obama's acceptance speech last night, and I wanted to weep or giggle. After eight years of a waking nightmare this is like a dream. Whee!
On my way to work today I passed three burly construction workers, and one of them was whistling, "Hungry Like the Wolf." No kidding. When I went by he was just getting to the "Do do do do, do do do, do do do, do do do, do doooo" part. Loves it.
I have my "Yes We Can" pin at the ready for Tuesday, although I will be at the inauguration only in spirit. You know, I watched a YouTube recording of Obama's acceptance speech last night, and I wanted to weep or giggle. After eight years of a waking nightmare this is like a dream. Whee!
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
This hits the target
If this Tony Auth cartoon doesn't sum up the last eight years, nothing does.
Come on January 20th...come on!
Come on January 20th...come on!
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