Tuesday, October 14, 2003

Parents: Can't live with 'em, can't trust 'em to name their kids.

I read today about a couple who used the following naming scheme for their four sons: James Michael, Michael James, Jason Matthew, and Matthew Jason. What the fuck is wrong with those people?!? Do they really think their sons are going to come back to them one day and say, "Mom, Dad, I really appreciate you using two boring combinations of four utterly common names for all of your sons"? Gee, why didn't they really get creative and name their kinds 1, 2, 3 and 4?

Something brain-damagey happens to people when they procreate, I swear it. They get this crazy idea that everyone thinks their kids are as cute as they do. They conclude that it's perfectly appropriate to bring their children to nice restaurants and movie theatres, where they can cause maximum disruption. They think that cutesy-cute names that aren't even good when the kids are babies will still be acceptable when they're twenty. Ever hang around a group of parents in a social situation? Mother of all creatures great and small, but the conversation is boring! I never thought a group of adults could actually find interesting a conversation that centers on diapers and what you might find in them. Keep in mind that many of these people are college graduates.

I'm a little over the edge on this topic, I admit it. Since I will almost certainly never have children of my own, I guess I just can't relate to the concerns of those who do. Once your married friends start reproducing, they become unavailable for most social functions/events, you rarely see them apart from child events; in short, their lives become child-oriented. That's as it should be, I suppose, and yet it doesn't make things easier for those of us who remain childless. It puts a wedge in your friendships, and I don't know how you get past it. I really don't.

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