I can't look away!

I'd heard Kate Bush's "Wuthering Heights" before, but only when I played it for Dan did I realize two things: 1) I really like the song; and 2) the song is downright weird. Some of #2 has to do with Kate Bush herself, of course; watching this video I just can't stop wondering how many heads in jars she has in her basement.

Dan, of course, proceeded to analyze the song in a musical sense. I just marveled at Kate Bush's range. I've come to realize that the true test of any female vocalist: she can convincingly cover "Wuthering Heights."

Great gods...I must be dreaming

I've been looking over this Web site for a half-hour now, and I still can't believe it. Take a look. Go ahead, I'll wait.

It seems I find something flabbergasting on each page. Like the ready-made missing child poster, or the USB that contains that poster, along with everything else the authorities will need to identify your child's decomposed corpse when it turns up in a ditch. And then there are the comments from paranoid parents. (The kid's out of sight for 15 minutes and this woman's ready to close the borders.)

OK, I am no parent, but isn't this a bit...well, morbid? Should you really be making detailed plans for your child's abduction? From what I have heard, only about 40 kids a year are abducted, so you'd probably do as well preparing yourself a "In Case Little Johnny Is Struck by Lightning" CD. Criminy.

You're better off with a seatbelt

Bruce Schneier is my current security crush, and he has something interesting to say about parents and perceived threats vs. real risk.

I can't speak to any of this as an expert, but when Pennsylvania tightened its regulations regarding what age/size children must use car safety seats...well, you could have heard the howls of protest from Michigan. I imagine many of those howlers are in favor of the various Megan's Laws this commonwealth enforces, which probably don't provide much measurable protection, unlike car safety seats, which we know make children safer. According to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, nearly 9,000 lives were saved by such devices from 1975 - 2008. I wonder if Megan's Laws have saved a hundredth that many.

I make no claims to parenting expertise, but I know fear-mongering when I see it, and it seems to me parents are a prime target.

Makes my head go "pound"

As many know, I am not a fan of security theater, a coin adopted by Bruce Schneier to describe the song-and-dance that passes for procedures. The fiction moves into the realm of fantasy in terms of airline security, and I have learned to choke that down for the most part, but this takes the cake.

I have serious doubts that any of the nonsense we endure at airports makes us any safer, and I am convinced that the TSA is a prime example of "scope creep." I don't care if my seatmate is carrying embezzled cash, cocaine or child pornography; as long as he doesn't have something he can use to destroy the plane, he's fine by me. I thought the job of the TSA was to make sure plane destruction was avoided, and not to safeguard husbands against wives who might (or might not) be cleaning out their accounts, but I guess I was wrong. I imagine that pretty soon those airport screeners will be conducting full criminal background checks on the passengers, and flagging those with unpaid speeding tickets or unpaid child support. We can't let those people fly, that's for sure.

Perhaps it's a bad time to say this near mid-September, but on 9/11 those hijackers gave the US an exam on our commitment to civil liberties, and we failed. Big-time.

Technology foiled again!

I haven't updated this blog in ages because Blogger kept telling me I had to update this and transition that, and when I looked at the eye-crossing directions I thought, "Uh...Dan?" But Blogger has left off, evidently deciding I have had enough, so I am back.

Ezra Klein, whom I read regularly, has an interesting piece today explaining why in politics party matters more than individuals. Think that Senate Republican Scott Brown has to be moderate because he comes from a blue state? Wrong! He voted with the GOP 82% of the time, which is more even than Maine's much-vaunted maverick Olympia Snowe. Keep it in mind next time you visit the polls. Oh, and I recommend reading Klein, or at the very least Googling his image and looking at that. 'Cause he's hot.

Is anyone else reading The Dwarves by Marcus Heitz? If so, can you explain why it's so boring? I used to be a huge fan of genre fantasy, but nowadays I have a hard time getting into it. First of all, when I open a book and find a world map, my blood pressure rises. Second, I just can't deal with any more strange fantasy-world names like Tungdil or Durzo Blint. And that doesn't even count all of the strange names with apostrophes or Ks used as Cs, etc.

Finally, there are the inevitable patterns that may once have been interesting but are now boring. Book opens with a battle in which evil prevails, then cuts to an idyllic country setting, completely at odds with the previous scene. There, a strapping young man of humble but somewhat shadowy origins is approached by a mysterious druid/wizard/magic guy who tells him of a Great Evil and the approach of Minions of Dread, bent on capturing/killing/seducing to the dark side this selfsame young man. Who is of course heir to the throne or the fated wielder of the Sword of All Things Good. Argh.

If I wind up in one of these stories, I'm going to tell Gandalf or Allanon or whatever other meddlesome conjurer appears that I don't care what Lord Blackness is up to in the Kingdom of Shadows. If Lord Blackness has a good health insurance plan that extends benefits to domestic partners, and will start me with three weeks' vacation, sign me up.

Am I going mad?

Or is Glenn Beck, of all people, suddenly defending the separation of church and state?



Good gods, but the world has turned upside down. Send him an ACLU membership form before he recovers his lunacy.

Wait...we elected Democrats, right?

This article makes me wonder just how much has changed.

Remember when we were told that indicting important people for these crimes would make Republicans stonewall health care reform? Well, now that Democrats themselves have fucked up said reform, I think it's high time we penned arrest warrants for Yoo and Bybee and Cheney and all those other folks who happily and shamelessly created a culture of torture within the executive branch of government.

I'm only half-kidding. The recent Democratic retreat on health care, in my opinion, will cripple the party's ability to pursue any sort of meaningful legislative agenda for 2010. So if we're to lose, we may as well lose big. Drag those torture-happy Republicans into a court of law and let the testimony begin! Let's lose not 25 House seats in November but 80, and really get our money's worth out of the loss.

Like a real comedian!

Performed both Friday and Saturday night in Marlton, and I totally earned enough to pay for my Friday visit to the doctor and the Saturday pad see-ew I ate before the show. That's living, my friends.

Friday night was plain awful. The audience was as not into me as possible and drunk in the bargain, so my ten minutes on stage seemed like three months. (To the audience as well, I am sure.) Saturday night, however, was a home run. I ditched my set list minutes before going on stage and decided to wing it with some brand-new stuff, written only that morning. (Thalia, as is her wont, awoke me at 7am with inspiration.) The new stuff worked, the old stuff worked, and my audience interaction was smashing. I nearly floated off that stage, and on the way out a number of audience members thanked me for a great show. I know I'm supposed to act all professional and coolly thank them, but instead I squeed like an eight-year-old. I roll that way.

Thalia, I totally forgive you for getting me up so early this morning. Keep up the good work, toots.

It's still Saturday, dammit!

I performed in NE Philadelphia tonight. I guess it was technically yesterday, but in my mind the day has not turned until I sleep and wake up when it's light. So there. Anyway, I was sick as a dog today, so I medicated myself heavily so's I could climb on stage and perform adequately. The audience was attentive but not very into any of the comedians, but I did all right.

Can I tell you that certain word uses bother me? I already bitched about the overuse/misuse of the word "creepy", so now I'd like to extend the complaint to "stalking." Anyone who expresses any interest - romantic, familial, platonic - in another human being must now worry if s/he is a stalker. Let's review a few stalker examples:

A) Not stalking:
Asking to friend me on Facebook
Sending me an email without invitation
Asking me where in Philadelphia I live

B) Stalking
Asking for my Facebook password
Sending me a severed ear, with or without invitation
Asking me for my home address and Social Security number

If you behavior resembles Category A, you're good. If it resembles B, seek help. But let's not diminish the reputations of stalkers everywhere by thinking that contacting me on a social networking sight is stalking.

Cue the curtains

If you aren't reading Bruce Schneier, you should be. He is a security expert and a noted critic of the TSA and its various "security theater" measures. This is in my view one of the best things he's ever said:

Only one carry on? No electronics for the first hour of flight? I wish that, just once, some terrorist would try something that you can only foil by upgrading the passengers to first class and giving them free drinks.

As do we all, Bruce. As do we all.

I don't know what to title this

Xmas is the only thing that makes me look forward to January. Oh, indeed. *

This being the holidays, I thought it was an appropriate time to say that I dislike sweaters. Not the concept of sweaters, mind you; I just don't like them on me. They always look stretched or saggy or something. I have exactly one sweater than has ever looked good on me, and I rarely wear it for fear that it will stretch, sag, etc. Down with them! **

I walked by Isgro the other day (for the uninitiate, Isgro is an Italian bakery that makes a marscapone eclair to die for), and there was a huge line complete with - get this - police for crowd control. Seriously. Evidently the city has not forgotten the hard lessons of the Cannoli Riot of '63. I felt sorry for those folks waiting because a trip to Isgro isn't quick on a normal day, but if you're fortieth in the queue? *** Cancel your plans for New Year's.

* I am watching "The Wire" and this is one of the pet sayings of my favorite character Omar. He's gay, he's hot, he carries a shotgun, and everyone fears him. I want to grow up to be Omar.

** For some reason,I kept typing "sweather" and having to go back and correct. More reason for dislike sweaters.

*** Why in this country is everything considered to be "in line" and not "in queue", except for documents you send to a printer?

Hey Star!

It's another year since you left us, and so much has happened I don't know where to begin. Lots has changed, and mostly for the better. I'll probably forget to mention something, but as I am sure you have Internet access where you are, you probably know it all anyway.

Feanor and Poppy are on their way to the Land of Parenthood, and your sister is in the Empire of Expanded Families. So there are all kinds of young minds to be properly introduced to the joys of zombies, video games and 80's New Wave. Personally, the notion of being responsible for a small human terrifies me, but they seem well prepared and less terrified.

Babyraven and the SO are comfortably ensconced in a house, yay, which is far larger than mine and has an upstairs living room to die for. Said living room is perfect for Beatles Rock Band, which I am so angry you missed. Unless of course you are playing the real thing with John and George, in which case I am angry to be missing it. Babs is going to India next month too...exciting! Oh, and there is also a basement in which I am told the SO is working on something strange and robotic. I told him, "If we end up on a rag-tag fleet fleeing through space from murderous robots, I am going to be so mad at you!"

Dan and I are - get this - just finishing up a novel. Really. I don't particularly enjoy writing fiction, and I have never fancied the idea of collaborating, but in this case both have worked out really well. We hope to begin peddling the thing within a few weeks, which is a blessed relief. Rejection I can handle; rewriting a chapter for the third time...that's hard. Speaking of rejection, my comedy adventures continue. I have now played for near-empty rooms, aging lesbians, drunken suburban housewives and gay club clones, so all that's left are hobbits. Now that I have gotten on the regular rotation of a local comedy club I perform often (although not for hobbits). I get to take audiences on a trip through my mind, and if I have done my job right, they enjoy the ride. Although I will confess to one or two moments in which I am mentally reworking my resume, on the whole stand-up comedy is a blast. An absolute fucking blast.

There's no doubt a bunch of other stuff I left out, but what I'm including is that everyone still thinks about you, and misses you awfully. You said once on your blog that the only monument you wanted to leave behind was your body of work. Although you have succeeded (if you doubt, try Googling "Slouching Towards Bedlam and see how many hits you get), I think an even more impressive monument is the fingerprint you left on our lives. I know I am not the same since you left, and although I wish you were still with us, I am grateful for the lessons you taught me in your departure.

Eight months in the dying...

...WolfBlock, my erstwhile employer, has finally breathed its last. The firm is out of money, and since I don't work for free (except on stage), I'm out of there and out of a job. So in mere moments I will browse to the Web site of the Commonwealth of PA and make my first-ever application for unemployment benefits.

Last night, Dan and I had the following "Life of Brian" conversation:

Me: I've been fully employed, underemployed and unemployed on and off since 2006. We haven't been able to spend money for the last three years.

Dan: Umm...well, we did buy the house.

Me: Yeah, but that's just a place to live.

Dan: There was also the grill. The ceiling fan. The dining room chairs. The guest bed. The TV. The XBox, the DVD player...

Me: OK, well except for the house, the grill, the ceiling fan, the dining room chairs, the guest bed, the TV, the XBox, and the DVD player, we haven't bought anything for the last three years.

Dan: There were those new coats last winter, too.

Me: Get me a cupcake.

I don't often tip my hat to the RNC...

...but today, I tip. Apparently, the RNC will no longer offer its employees an insurance plan that covers abortions. I find this pleasingly consistent of them. After all, given how the Republicans are rupturing themselves over Stupak amendments and that nonsense, the least they can do is Stupak their own damned insurance policy. Besides, given how many Republicans are gay, this change will likely have very little impact on any actual Republicans.

A few things

I got about my day blissfully unaware that the local Transit Workers Union is, once again, on strike. Instead of going through this folderol every three years, maybe someday the commonwealth will require mandatory binding arbitration. Until then, folderol. I'm just glad that the strike directly affects neither Dan nor I.

Voted this morning on the way to work, and as expected, the place was a graveyard. No ballot questions, for which I was profoundly grateful. I normally research that kind of thing before I get to the poll, but this year I was forgetful.

On a national level, the Republicans have decided to boycott committee work on a climate bill. I don't know why anyone should be surprised by this, really. The GOP has been out to lunch on this issue for years; at least now they acknowledge their absence. Maybe they should just check out until January 2011, when they will either have gained enough seats to sustain a Republican filibuster or lost enough so that Democrats need never worry about another.

Had a great game last night, from which I am still sore. Although the result was a tie (the lights went out early), I played well, handling the disc several times per point, getting a defense on the line and making two successful passes on the goal. That makes up for last week's game, in which my hands were two great insensate lumps of clumsiness.


*Given how many dead Philadelphians vote, that comparison is more apt than I intended.

Stuff I have seen

Amazing dexterity! I was at the hardware store yesterday, inquiring about a replacement light bulb...one of those ring-shaped ones. As the not-unattractive young man who was assisting me took one box from the rack, two others fell in rapid succession, and he caught them - BAM! BAM! - with one hand. My reaction: Damn.

Unmitigated gall! Dan and I were at a Chinese restaurant not far from another pair of diners, one of whom was loud and rude. Dan whispered to me, "I haven't even seen him and I know he's in sales." As we were paying the bill and getting ready to leave, the suspected salesman starts up a shockingly racist imitation of Chinese people, in the same loud tone of voice that I am sure the staff heard. My reaction: Douchebag!

Fashion flogging! During my normal morning walk, I pass a drycleaning shop that always features a lovely wedding gown, on a dressform, in the window. This morning that dress (and its form) were on the sidewalk, being beaten with a flyswatter wielded by a man I assume was the owner. He was no doubt beating out dust, but in my head I kept hearing, "Bad bride! Bad, bad bride!" My reaction: Hit harder!

Biscuits 'n chocolate 'n feelin' good

Right now I am eating biscuits and chasing them with chocolate, because I saved up the calories all day and I am damn well going to spend them before bed. I am also rewarding myself for a pretty decent performance at a seriously dive bar in Norristown tonight. About half the crowd wasn't paying attention, but of those that were, I totally got good laughs. I even got heckled by this woman who looked alarmingly like a frog**, so I followed the advice of Zen and the Art of Stand-Up Comedy and gave her the attention she seemed to want, and she was satisfied and hopped back on her lillypad. And once again the Yoo-hoo joked worked like a charm. Sweet.

Oh, and a big thanks to Rosemary for her thoughtful birthday gift of Antony Beevo's Stalingrad, which details what might well be the most brutal battle of WWII. The more I learn about Stalin's regime, the more I think it might have been better if the Allies had waited until after the Soviets were defeated to cream Hitler.

**Yes, I am making fun of an audience member on my blog. Those who heckle comedians are bad and wrong and I reserve the right to say they look like frogs. So there.

Overheard at City Hall

As I walked by City Hall this morning, I saw a confused-looking man hailing a well-dressed man. The conversation:

Confused man: Hey, do you know the way to -

Well-dressed man: Sir, I am an Englishman just set foot in Philadelphia. I don't know the way to doodleysquat.

Next time someone asks me for directions in London, I am saying the same thing, except I won't claim to be an Englishman. That works better in the States

Shows!

Busy autumn!

Friday 10/22: Francescas at 1003 E Main St in Norristown, PA. 8:30pm, admission is free



Friday, 11/13: Humor in the Hardbacks at the William Way Community Center at 1315 Spruce Street in Phila, PA. 7:30 pm, admission is $15 or whatever you can pay. (It's a fundraiser for Giovanni's Room.) Learn more at Kelli Dunham's LJ.

Friday, 11/20: Comedy Cabaret in NE Philadelphia. Shows usually start around 8:30, admission is usually around $15. I have a 20-minute set on this one so if you've been waiting to see me perform this is a good one to attend.

A nice little smatter of publicity

Josh Middleton, blogging for Philadelphia City Paper, comes through. Now I just can't f*ck it up.