In an email, my friend Cathy included this delightful observation:

Did you ever notice sometimes when you go to typing, your fingers start on the wrong keys? When that happens to me, my name looks like "Cujo."

Freakin' awesome.

New favorite lyric:

"A bridge to cross, a cross to spare
Pass it around, too much to bear
A genius plan, I'll give 'em that
We've all been bad but Eve took the rap."

Artist: Kathy Valentine (Kathy Valentine)
Song: Creation Myth
Album: Light Years

Yuh-huh...

If England withdraws troops, it's a positive sign. If the U.S. withdraws troops, or even votes on a non-binding resolution opposing the troop escalation, it's validating terrorist strategy. Isn't that what we call "flip-flopping"?

Added a new link my to bro's live journal on the side, there. Click! Click!

As you may know, my self-created RPG Altonomy (a.k.a. Winged Cheetahs) is going through some rules updates, so look for a new edition within the next year. This one will actually be available for sale; the other wasn't bound properly and I just couldn't in good conscience charge for it. If you want a copy drop me a line and you'll get one for nothing (well, if I have to mail it you'll pay postage).

New favorite lyric:

"And when the world stopped spinning 'round
I picked the pan up off the ground
I read my upheaves much like tea leaves
They said it's over so get sober or you'll die
Again"

Artist: Jay Brannan (Jay Brannan)*
Song: Soda Shop
Album: Soundtrack of "Short Bus"

*This guy has on Youtube a video of him singing this song. The video is annoying since he spends the first three minutes talking about the IMDB brush-off "Short Bus" has gotten, but hang in there. The song, which is admittedly about nothing very important, is cute, charming and very singable.

As Bad as Schizophrenia

My mom (TrackerMom) told me this story, which I suppose is insulting but I find incredibly funny.

TrackerMom meets up with a long-time friend for shopping, lunch, etc. During conversation, the fact that TrackerMom's elder son (me) is gay. Also during conversation comes up the fact that Friend has a friend who's daughter (we'll call her Trisha) is schizophrenic. Friend then says:

"Well, I guess every family has its burden. My friend has Trisha, you have Neil."

TrackerMom was not amused, but I sure am! I've been trying to come up with catchy, brief copy for a commemorative t-shirt; if anything deserves to end up emblazoned across my skinny chest, it's that. Comments are solicited.

New favorite lyric:

"So now I blame my problems and the fact that I have no girlfriend on the government
It gets me through the day, and what the hey, I'm young and single and I'm lovin' it
And if you believe that, you're a moron."

Artist: Sean McGarry (Sean McGarry)*
Song: Shades and Walkman
Album: N/A

*Yup, it's that Sean McGarry. Love this song. So. Much.

On the next episode of Immigration Theatre...

...Bank of America makes its stunning debut!

This is just another punchline to the joke of the national immigration debate. We're told how evil illegal immigrants are, while American businesses are scrambling to exploit their labor and, now, their finances.

::shakes head::

New favorite lyric:

"They say 'We're looking for illegal immigrants, can we check your car?'"
I say, 'You know it's funny, I think we were on the same boat back in 1694.'"

Artist: Indigo Girls (Amy Ray)
Song: Shame on You
Album: Shaming of the Sun

Got this from EverMike

And now you must read it!

1. What time did you get up this morning? 6:40 a.m.
2. Diamonds or Pearls? Uh, I guess diamonds since they’re worth more.
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Children of Men.
4. What is your favorite TV show? I only watch one thing, so I guess “Battlestar Galactica.”
5. What did you have for breakfast? One granny smith apple.
6. What is your middle name? Don’t have one.
7. What is your favorite cuisine? Hmm…overall, probably Italian.
8. What food do you dislike? Fish and bananas.
9. Your favorite chip? I’m currently digging Soy Crisps from Whole Foods.
10. What is your favorite CD at the moment? Kathy Valentine’s “Light Years.”
11. What kind of car do you drive? A 1993 Toyota Corolla.
12. Favorite Sandwich? Currently, bacon and turkey with American cheese on flatbread. With honey mustard.
13. What characteristics do you despise? Phoniness and rudeness, in that order.
14. What are your favorite clothes? From my closet? My white-and-black vertically striped long-sleeved shirt, over which I like to wear this Italian light denim-ish jacket. It’s cut like a sport coat and fits me like a dream. And my fake snakeskin jacket. (Babyraven knows.)
15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation? I’ve already been to London, so…
16. What color are your eyes? Brown
17. ??? This is definitely a trick question.
18. Where would you want to retire? San Francisco, I think.
19. Favorite time of day? Early evening, when the shadows are going the other way but the sun is still up.
20. Where were you born? Philadelphia.
21. What is your favorite sport to watch? Ultimate Frisbee or lacrosse.
22. Who do you think will not send this back? I’m bloggin’ it.
23. Person you expect to send it back first? Nobody. I am blogging this bad-boy.
24. Pepsi or Coke? Diet Coke.
25. Cats or Dogs? Dogs
26. Are you a morning person or a night owl? Night owl.
27. Pedicure or manicure? Pedicure, I guess. My feet are hideous.
28. Do you prefer funny or mushy cards? Funny.
29. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with everyone? Uh, I got a B+ on my case study?
30. What did you want to be when you were little? First a wizard, then a Colonial warrior, then a novelist.
31. What do you have in your trunk right now? All the accoutrement necessary for a game of Ultimate: cleats, cones and discs. And a spare tire, which in case you were wondering is NOT necessary for a game of Ultimate.
32. What is your best childhood memory? Dividing my summer days between swimming at the pool and researching vampires at the public library.
33. What are all the different jobs you have had in your life? Hmm…mail room clerk, file clerk, permissions assistant, new files clerk, new files supervisor, editorial assistant, editor, senior editor, production assistant, document production specialist. Some were part-time.
34. What is your favorite Holiday? Halloween.
35. What is your favorite dessert? Double-Stuf Oreos, chocolate-covered Nutter Butters, chocolate cake, all of the above with milk.
36. Favorite Summer getaway? Montreal!
37. Ever been to Africa? Nah.
38. Glasses or Contacts? LASIK surgery baby!
39. Ever been toilet papering? Nope.
40. Been in a car accident? Three accidents, two injuries, and not one claim against me. I stand by my record.
41. Favorite day of the week? Friday.
42. Favorite restaurant? Maybe 10th Street Pourhouse.
43. Favorite flower? Wooden ones I don’t have to water.
44. Favorite movies? Aliens, The Little Girl Who Lives Down the Lane, Carrie, Hedwig and the Angry Inch.
45. Favorite Past time? Tabletop combat and Ultimate.
46. Favorite ice cream? Chocolate.
47. Favorite fast food restaurant? Ishkabibbles
48. How many times did you fail your drivers test? Once.
49. From whom did you get your last email? VisMajor.
50. Sandals or tennis shoes? I prefer hiking shoes
51. At which store would you choose to max out your credit card? Daffy’s.
52. If the speed limit is 60 what is the fastest you will drive? 65.
53. What is your bedtime? On weekdays, around midnight.
54. Whose response to this are you most curious about? The comments box won’t hold one anyway.
55. Last person you went to dinner with? Ed and Mike.
56. What are you listening to right now? Madonna's "Like a Prayer."
57. What is your favorite color? Blue.
58. How many tattoos do you have? None for me, thanks.
59. How many people are you sending this Email to? Blog only.
60. What time did you finish this email? Twoish

New favorite lyric:

“It knocks me out when she acts so strange
Like a Big Mac truck cut across two lines of my soul
Conductor, let’s throw some metal down, roll”

Artist: Liz Phair (Liz Phair, Scott Litt)
Song: Baby Got Going
Album: whitechocolatespaceegg

'Cause another's just what we needed

Fox News has a new cog in the right-wing noise machine; namely, the incomparable Greg Gutfeld. A newcomer on the TV scene, Gutfeld is working hard to beat Bill O'Reilly at the ignorant fool game. Check out these comments on Biden's ill-conceived remarks about Barack Obama:

"Ok, the thing about what Joe Biden says is, isn’t he saying what every liberal is thinking? That Obama is acceptable because he’s basically like Lionel Jefferson, and he’s not threatening...Liberals have this secret racism about blacks. They’ve got to be light-skinned in order to be acceptable."

Conservatives, on the other hand, have always stood ready to accept blacks of all hues. To prove it, one need only look back at the conservative icons of yesteryear: Bull Connor, Strom Thurmond, and George Wallace. Those men, clad in the snow-white vestments of righteousness, used the burning flames of enlightenment to show blacks the crosses of their acceptance.

(OK...I think I abused sarcasm in this post.)

New favorite lyric:

"Now sometimes late on some interstate
I hear the sad country songs, true love found and true love gone
Lately I just turn the damn thing off."

Artist: Richard Shindell (Richard Shindell)
Song: Kenworth of My Dreams
Album: Sparrows Point

My Man!

I applaud John Edwards’ willingness to admit that health coverage for all Americans would necessitate an increase in taxes. Yeah, the Club for Growth has got its panties in a bunch over it, but can anyone really act surprised? Do Americans really think we’re going to solve the health care problem with a few tax cuts and some handshakes?

Good government costs money, a lesson conservatives (and, regrettably, some liberals) either refuse to learn or refuse to admit. You can’t have low taxes and a high level of government services, unless of course you follow the borrow-and-spend Bush strategy that pushes the pain for our tax breaks to the next generation. Assuming, then, that you want a sensible fiscal strategy and not some Bush fuckup, you either cut your services or increase your taxes. Period.

I’ve blogged previously about how Americans already pay for the care of the uninsured, so I’ll say only that the choice before us is to pay smart or pay dumb. Pay smart: Make sure every American gets a reasonable level of preventative care, which is cheaper in the long run. Pay dumb: Stick with the current system that sends the uninsured to emergency rooms, which is more expensive. You decide.

New favorite lyric:

“I thought that we’d be joking, having long talks on late nights driving
But you drive so bad I lost my patience, pass the chips and turn the station”

Artist: Dar Williams (Dar Williams)
Song: Road Buddy
Album: End of the Summer

Another oldie

Back by popular acclaim*, you should first read this to get some necessary background. (Yeah, I know it's Wikipedia, but in this case it's basically correct.) Then read on.

Promise of Some New Gays**

Colorado’s going to have to adjust
‘Cause Amendment 2 just bit the dust
What did the high court say?
Promise of some new gays
Homophobia it just took a fall
And though Scalia wants to kill us all
Looks like we’ll have our day
Promise of some new gays

Oh, small-minded laws, they can’t change the world
So the only promise is that gays in Denver will live
And marry one another

See the lesbians all skiing the slopes
The Constitution crushed the bigots’ hopes
What did the high court say?
Promise of some new gays

Oh, small-minded laws, they can’t change the world
So the only promise is that gays in Denver will live
And marry one another

Now the drag queens have the freedom to roam
Into Boulder and then call it home
I think they’re going to say
Promise of some new gays

*Popular acclaim meaning I damn well felt like it.
**This counts as today's favorite lyric. It's called "multi-tasking."