Thursday: Became intimately familiar with Terminal D of the Philadelphia International Airport, since I spent lots of time there waiting for a flight that was five hours late departing. When we finally got to San Francisco, it was too late for anything but tasty, tasty Thai food and Yerba Buena Gardens.
Friday: Discovered that, touristy or not, the Alcatraz tour is well worth it. Also discovered that the wind off San Francisco is chill enough to necessitate long pants and sweatshirts, even in June. Went to a thoroughly enjoyable and thoroughly hokey variety show called “Beach Blanket Babylon”, the novelty enhanced by the guy in the bathroom who looked as if he'd just snorted a line. Nice.
Saturday: Went museum-hopping, and discovered the wax Eminem is waaay better than the real one, and nearly as cute. Got hit on by a waiter who said I reminded him of a Chilean economist he once knew. (Apparently, that’s a compliment on the West Coast.) Watched the Dyke March that night, which featured many naked boobies. Whilst wandering the packed Castro afterwards, a guy grabbed my butt, and then said he was sorry. Could not determine if that was, “Sorry I was forward,” or, “Sorry that wasn’t a better experience for me.” My ego required that I settle on the former.
Sunday: Watched the Pride parade, which seemed nearly as large as New York’s. THIS parade, however, had marchers as specific as “Gay Chemists for Socialism.” Hmm. Off to the Exploratorium, where I got to crawl through the Tactile Dome, which is completely lightless and very obstacle-course-like. It was like playing Dungeons & Dragons, except I wasn't sitting at a table stuffing Cheese Doodles into my face.
Monday: Ventured outside the city to UC Berkeley, where liberalism lives. Re-discovered that making fun of liberals is nearly as fun as making fun of conservatives. Explored Muir Woods, where the trees are large and the trails narrow and high. (Good thing I am sure-footed.) Swung through Sausalito and walked across the Golden Gate Bridge, which that day was nearly completely sheathed in fog. Dropped by the Castro that evening where I found a bar doing an 80’s night. Was reminded just how bad “Valley Girl” really is. A cute bartender (who looked like Yagathai!) struggled hard to remember how to make a Shirley Temple. A manly drink.
Tuesday: Stole food from hotel for flight, which was fortunate since the plane took off two hours late. Ugh. Invented "Snookums Razor", which states:
When you have refused to consider all rational options, all that remains is the completely insane.
Watched “The Pacifier” in flight. Was grateful that the TSA made certain there were no cutting implements on board, lest I decide to commit suicide rather than finish watching that movie. Landed in Philadelphia where it was hot and soupy, and not in a tasty-minestrone kind of way.
Oh, and I made do for the entire trip without a hairbrush.
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