Monday, October 25, 2004

My kinda god

Whilst talking with a friend about the election, I said I'd convert to Christianity were Kerry to win the electoral vote whilst losing the popular vote. That would prove that a) there is a God; and b) He is a funny god. That got me thinking about what kind of god I'd worship if I believed in that kind of thing, and I decided that a funny god would get my obeisance.

All-knowing? Pah! There are already ten million people in my life who think they know better than I do; how's one more going to make a difference? Merciful? Given the current state of the world, evidently divine mercy is, uh, different from what you and I think of as merciful. Just? This one's tempting, because there certainly are some people in this world who having in coming in spades, but then again I think humanity can handle that part. A funny god...well, that's something we don't have, can't simulate, and desperately need.

I want to see evil dictators dispatched not by angry mobs or foolish world leaders who misuse intelligence and mislead their own people (hint, hint), but by giant cream pies hurled from space. I want world hunger solved by the spontaneous transformation of socially conservative Republicans into tasty bread. I'd like to see corporate scum polluters turned into giant pinatas and set free on a planet of people with an unsatiable hunger for candy and whose arms are sharp wooden sticks. Now that's a miracle!

Thursday, October 21, 2004

Watership Down...the answers!

Due to overwhelming demand, I will post the answers to my Watership Down quiz here. Actually, "overwhelming" in this instance means "zero", as to the best of my knowledge no one took the quiz. Feh...I'll post answers anyway.

1) What was the name of the warren Hazel and Fiver fled at the beginning of the story?
a) Sandleford

2) Name the rabbits who left the warren with Hazel and Fiver.
a) Bigwig, Silver, Buckthorn, Dandelion, Hawkbit, Acorn, Speedwell, Blackberry, and Pipkin.

3) Who is Thlayli?
a) Since this is Lapine for "Fur head", it translates roughly to "Bigwig."

4) What was Silverweed's poem about?
a) The wire the farmer used to set to catch the rabbits. Creepy.

5) What creature did Hazel help save from a kestrel?
a) A mouse.

6) What was the name of the gull that helped the rabbits?
a) Kehaar.

7) Who is the trusted companion of El-ahrairah?
a) Rabscuttle.

8) What does "fu Inle" mean?
a) This is Lapine for "after moonrise."

9) What was the name of the farm Hazel and Company raided to free the hutch rabbits?
a) Nuthanger Farm.

10) How did Holly escape from Efrafa?
a) He ran across train tracks, and his pursuers were either run down by the train or they fled.

11) How did the Efrafan council punish Blackavar?
a) They tore up his ears.

12) How did Hazel hurt his leg?
a) He was shot my men whilst rescuing the hutch rabbits from Nuthanger Farm.

13) What was Blackberry's plan to escape from the Efrafan Wide Patrols?
a) They got aboard a small boat in a river near Efrafa, chewed through the rope that anchored it to shore, and floated away.

14) What is a hrududu?
a) An automobile.

15) At the trial of El-ahrairah, the jury was composed entirely of what?
a) Elil.

Let's grade the quiz no one took.

- 1-3 correct: You are a Hlessi, wandering homeless, and sure to fall prey to elil before ni-Frith.
- 4-6 correct: You are an Outskirter, who belongs to a warren but is often sat upon by your elders.
- 7-10 correct: You are in the Owsla, bold and powerful, and you never go tharn.
- 11-13 correct: You are in the Owslafa, and you get all the flayrah you can stomach.
- 14-15 correct: You are a Chief Rabbit, and can tell even General Woundwort to silflay hraka.

One more note. One of you readers is from England, and since Richard Adams himself was English, I say shame on you for not taking this quiz!

Monday, October 18, 2004

Watership Down...the quiz!

It's no secret that Watership Down is one of my all-time favorite books, and now it's also a quiz. Take the quiz yourself, email me your answers, and I'll grade it. Or take it and don't email me. Or don't take the quiz at all. It's that kind of quiz.

1) What was the name of the warren Hazel and Fiver fled at the beginning of the story?
2) Name the rabbits who left the warren with Hazel and Fiver.
3) Who is Thlayli?
4) What was Silverweed's poem about?
5) What creature did Hazel help save from a kestrel?
6) What was the name of the gull that helped the rabbits?
7) Who is the trusted companion of El-ahrairah?
8) What does "fu Inle" mean?
9) What was the name of the farm Hazel and Company raided to free the hutch rabbits?
10) How did Holly escape from Efrafa?
11) How did the Efrafan council punish Blackavar?
12) How did Hazel hurt his leg?
13) What was Blackberry's plan to escape from the Efrafan Wide Patrols?
14) What is a hrududu?
15) At the trial of El-ahrairah, the jury was composed entirely of what?

These are tough, I admit. Live with it!

Thursday, October 07, 2004

Villain Mania!

In recent years, I'm coming to enjoy the villains of fiction far more than the heroes. Villains get to have real character flaws, and they don't have to spend time apologizing for them, or trying to hug and cry and learn and grow. Villains are flawed, but they want to rule the world/enslave humanity nonetheless, and I admire their moxie. Let's examine some villains and why I like them.

Stripe: He's the lead critter from "Gremlins", and he rocks. Why? Because he thinks that wrecking stuff, killing people, and working on the side of chaos is funny. He doesn't apologize for thinking so, either, and he remains constantly "in the moment" and is at peace with his destructive tendencies. There's something almost Zen-like about his malice, and who among us doesn't want to be Zen-like?

Drusilla: In case you don't know, she's the insane clairvoyant vampire from the second season of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer." If she were a good guy, her insanity would only make her annoying, but because she's evil it makes her cool. You don't know from moment to moment whether she's going to like the flowers you gave her, collapse into a weeping puddle because they're yellow, or tear off your head because there's a bug on it. Best of all, she doesn't know either. Every day with Dru is the spin of a roulette wheel, with strangely accurate foretellings on one side and purposeless mayhem on the other.

Zim: He's the alien from "Invader Zim", who, like Darth Vader, nurtures the dream of intergalactic conquest. However cool Darth may have been, you got the feeling (vindicated in "Return of the Jedi") that he never really liked being a bad guy. Oh, he went through the motions, choking this officer, destoying that rebel base, but deep down you knew he'd really rather be playing volleyball. Zim, however, truly enjoys his work. He goes at his inventions and schemes with a zeal most of us summon only when planning how we're going to pig down that package of Tandy Takes. Admittedly, he's grossly incompetent and deeply foolish, but he has passion and a maniacal laugh. Be honest; if you could trade all your competence for total delight in your work and a maniacal laugh, wouldn't you do it and count yourself lucky? I rest my case.

One more thing: Villains get to take cheap shots at the heroes and not feel bad about it. Sign me up.

Monday, October 04, 2004

My right to party!

I actually never claimed a right to party, but I got a party nonetheless! It was a totally tubular 80's party, with actual 80's music and outfits, down to pink taffeta underskits and crimped hair. There was tasty cake (chocolate, naturally), cheezium, and an awesome 80's "Name That Tune" game which my team won only narrowly. Curse Amy and her encyclopedia mind! We also got to identify 80's songs from written lyrics, kindly provided by Tim, an activity at which Sam proved frighteningly adept. Curse Sam and his hip British father! I got many delightful presents, such as a plush "Alien" face-hugger, a mini Lite Brite game, and the entire run of "V - The Series" on DVD. Curse Sean and his knowledge of my V-obsession!

This party was well timed, as my life recently has been work, class, and league. I've been getting rather twitchy from the pace, and Dan's been really patient about dealing with me, but this party was a handy steam valve. With cake.

P.S. I wondered out loud if a plush facehugger would spawn a plush Alien, and if said plush Alien would be unable to burst from one's stomach in a hideous fashion. Star then pointed out that, even if they could, plush Aliens could never take on Predator. I concur.