Thursday, May 27, 2004

B-b-b-bad Movies!

Many people don't realize this, but despite my hoity-toitiness about movies, I occasionally willingly see bad ones. I don't mean Ed Wood bad; I mean big-ass Hollywood bad. Maybe it's that my id gets hold of me once in a while and drives me to the worst dreck Hollywood can offer. Who knows? I accept it as part of the miracle of being.

I left the office early Tuesday as I wasn't feeling well, and on the way home I stopped by the video store to appease my id. Here's what I got:

Deep Impact: Who knew a disaster movie could be so boring? Plot: Big-ass comet is heading straight towards Earth. Now, I'm not going to criticize the questionable science of "Deep Impact", because I am not a, uh, cometologist, but I will criticize the fact that the movie does nothing and goes nowhere. The characters' personal problems are annoying, the excitement isn't very exciting, and by the end I was rooting for the comet.

Jeepers Creepers 2: I rented the first one and found it surprisingly enjoyable on an intellectual level, but the sequel is idaliciously empty. Lots of cute shirtless guys under stress from a demon that wanted to eat them. Not too bad in a lobotomy sort of way.

Freddy vs. Jason: The Holy Grail of mind-candy, this was disappointingly dull. Apparently, the filmmakers forgot the lesson of the first movie, which is, "Bringing Freddy into this world doesn't kill him." This one didn't even have very many cute guys to redeem it, either, nor did it involve a bunch of cute one-liners from Freddy. ("What's the matter...feeling tongue-tied?") Also, watching Freddy fight Jason has all the tension of a Jesus-Prometheus death match. Prometheus can't die and and Jesus will keep rising three days after his death, so really what's the point? Feh, I say. Feh.

This weekend I plan to immerse myself in indie films, to cleanse the stain of Hollywood from my mind.


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