Tuesday, February 24, 2004

The Disgruntlement Code

One of my fellow employees, who is nearly as disgruntled as I, suggested that celebrities could be used to measure just how disgruntled one is on a given day, as opposed to colors to indicate the level of terror alert. I instantly gelled to the idea, and thus I have created...

The Celebrity Disgruntlement Code

Level 1: Justin Timberlake
This person plays at disgruntlement to seem cool, but is in reality pretty satisfied. A Timberlake-alert applies to those who just like the idea of being disgruntled.

Level 2: Meryl Streep
This person will sound off occasionally, but is generally willing to put up with the way things are. A Streep-alert is often called when an employee is being a bit childish because of bad hair or because his favorite character was voted off the island last night.

Level 3: Susan Sarandon
This person is generally cantankerous, but isn't often heard from except perhaps on specific issues. A Sarandon-alert indicates an employee more annoying than truly disgruntled.

Level 4: Johnny Depp
This person makes trouble on a variety of issues, but is quick to slink away or backpedal if confronted. A Depp-alert indicates an employee who is angry but is not yet hardened by true bitterness.

Level 5: Mickey Rourke
This person is angry, bitter, and completely disillusioned, makes trouble, and doesn't care who knows it. A Rourke-alert indicates an employee who prints resumes on company printers, surfs Monster.com openly and spends company functions commiserating with others of his level. He not only faces confrontations but relishes them, and will admit or even trumpet his disgruntlement to any and all.

This was more fun than it should have been.

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