Monday, November 08, 2010

The time has come...

...to talk about bad candy. Here goes:

Circus Peanuts: Great gods, but these things are not only disgusting but disturbing. What are they made from? Why do they squeak slightly when one bites into them? How does anyone stomach them? I'll never know.

Mary Janes: They supposedly taste like molasses and peanut butter, and I guess there's a certain charm to the old-fashioned Mary Jane girl on the wrapper. As far as I am concerned, however, molasses and peanut butter have no business getting in bed together.

Peeps:
Yeah, yeah, I know they are cute and are holiday-customized, but that doesn't qualify them as tasty. You know what might qualify them as tasty? Ingredients other than stale marshmallow and gritty cheap-ass sugar.

Indian Brand Pumpkin Seeds:
Yawn. Not even a candy.

Orange Slices: Three things wrong with this candy: 1) It's jelly; 2) it's orange; 3) it tastes like orange.

Satellite Wafers: They should rename this, "Tasteless Styrofoam Discs around Balls of Grit." That's truth in advertising.

Now I'm angry and can't post any more. Comment your own gross candies, if you like.

4 Comments:

Blogger Amy McWeasel said...

You kids get off my lawn! ;)

I'm an occasional fan of Circus Peanuts, Peeps (but only the yellow Easter ones), orange slices, *and* the once-in-a-blue-moon satellite wafer.

5:21 PM  
Blogger John said...

Necco Wafers.
[shudder]

6:27 PM  
Blogger Sean said...

You dare besmirch the Peep!? You're no brother of mine!

Sugar daddy, they're just designed to rip teeth out.

11:31 AM  
Anonymous CathyC said...

I think all Circus Peanuts are from the year 1930. Mary Janes are usually as stale but soften quickly ... just don't forget you slipped one under your thigh.

3:15 PM  

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