Did anyone see this movie?

Before I get to the movie part, I realize I have abused my exclamation point privileges in my recent blog headers. I acknowledge your unspoken scorn.

Now with the movie. Dan was off in the wilds of North Jersey today, so I had opportunity to claim the sofa as my own and watch movies most of the day. (This was preceded by a five-mile walk in gorgeous weather...how can anyone stay inside on a day like this?) Has anyone seen "The Grizzly Man"? Am I uncharitable for thinking Timothy Treadwell was mentally unbalanced? First of all, he was the most nelly-sounding straight man you're likely to run across. Second, he vacillated between peace-and-love nature burbling and voice-cracking near-hysterical rage at the federal park agents who were apparently his nemeses. Third, he interpreted smiley faces on rocks as threats. Admittedly, the first thing doesn't indicate unbalanced, but the others definitely put Treadwell in the I'll-boil-your-rabbit category. Except I guess he wouldn't boil your rabbit, being all naturery.

While I'm blogging, can I say how much I am enjoying Galactic Civilizations II? Now that I have the chance to captain a galactic power, I understand how Dan and Sarcasmo got so evil playing Sim City. For example, when in one game the Terran Alliance failed to respond to my best efforts at diplomacy, I let my space marines take over negotiations. Nothin' like blowing up sixteen frigates to get someone's attention. One game before that I played paladin by liberating planets conquered by the Iconian Refuge and giving them away for free to the other, less powerful races. Of course, I made sure to place historic enemies next to each other to ensure they'd fight each other and not me. That's why the sun never set on my empire. The other night I won a technology victory, which means our tech got so good my people just turned into energy beings and floated away. That was nice, but what I really wanted was to go all Vorlon and influence the other races into fighting for my edification and pleasure. Stupid lesser races.

Again with the Sex Dwarf!

Another great night of dancing at Sex Dwarf, this time with a B-52's theme. Babyraven was a knockout in a black velvet dress, high boots, and a blonde hair extension that, in her words, made her a cross between Jeannie (as in I Dream Of) and Madonna in her "Blonde Icon" days. Truth be told, she was in good company; there were lots of fine-looking women there. Either I'm getting straight or else the male beauty quotient was pretty low that night.

(Don't all rush to comment that it must have been the latter. I already know.)

Anyway, part of the B-52's theme was wigs, big wigs, and lots of 'em were pink, so every time I turned around I saw Cyn. It was both sad and disturbing, and I shared this with Babs and Mouserobot. MR said they were Cyn-posters, and I upped the ante by calling them Cyn-thetic. Babs just shook her head and said, "That shit ain't right."

What is right, however, is that next month is the Sex Dwarf prom, and I'm all drooly over it. (This is due in no small amount to the fact that the only way I was going to my senior prom was if I could sit in the rafters with a bucket of blood.) So many unanswered questions! Will we slow dance to "Eternal Flame"? Will we pose for pictures under an ivy-entwined trellis? Will we get to elect a prom queen? Probably not, but it will no doubt still be a blast.

Me in Print!

Yay! The Winter 2006 issue of Rhapsoidia was finally released, which marks the first print publication of my short story "Sidney's Gift." Trust me, that sucker was rejected many, many times, but I guess persistence (or outright stubbornness) pays...in a single contributor copy, anyway. I'll order more when they're available for sale, as I am certain my mother will be all over me for one.

I'd thought of having a got-published party, but that seemed a bit forward since it's only a small literary rag that maybe 300 people will read, and for which I was paid zilch. If I'm to celebrate that kind of milestone, I had as well plan the somebody-breathed party, or the day-that-ends-in"y" party. Still, it's nice to finally see that story in print; it really is the strongest thing I've ever written. Of course, when I look at it these days all I can see are the mistakes, but I suppose that's natural. Still...yay me!

I saw Mr. Sulu!

As you know, George Takei, who played Mr. Sulu on "Star Trek", recently outed himself, and since then he's been doing speaking tours for the Human Rights Campaign. Tonight was the inaugural speech, and Dan and I were there. It was great! Takei was a great speaker, and he has a really infectious laugh. His speech was short (about 10 minutes) but stirring, and he had Q&A for nearly an hour afterward. There were about sixty or seventy people there, and they by and large asked great questions. He then hung around to speak with folks, sign autographs, etc., but we cut out at that point. I'm a bit leery of asking celebrities for autographs; it always makes me feel intrusive. I realize Takei does this for a living, but I still can't shake the feeling.

Takei talked about his childhood growing up in the Japanese-American internment camps, and he was so eloquent I couldn't help but feel a sense of shame for my own country. (Interning American of Japanese decent was not good...suck it, Michele Malkin!) Still, he spoke mostly of his sense of pride in America, and it was a good reminder that, even with a country under such fucked-up leadership as ours, that the US is a great place to be.

Oh, and can I say it's awesome that a sister was driving the Enterprise?

Yay for the Bay State!

As it has in same sex marriage, looks like Massachusetts is trying to lead the way on health care for all.

It's about damned time, I say. Experts say that, in the not-too-distant future, the US will spend 40% of its GNP on health care, and I just heard on NPR News a study that concluded that Americans spend more on health care and get less than about ten other nations, including Canada, England and New Zealand. Call me crazy, but I don't think the world's remaining superpower should rank behind New Zealand in anything, and particularly not something as basic and critically important as health care. The time has come for a universal health care program.

In response, I'm always hearing, "I don't want to spend my money taking care of others' health." Newsflash: We already do. Who do you think picks up the tab for those homeless people who nearly freeze to death and wind up in the ER? Or the indigent people who can't afford preventative care and wind up using (much more expensive) emergency care? That's right...the taxpayer foots the bill for all of it, except we do it when it's most expensive. Let me propose the following example to illustrate my point.

• Scenario A: Insured Tracker comes down with a nasty case of a sore throat, which unbeknownst to him is strep throat. Tracker goes to his primary care physician (at a cost of about $150), finds out the nature of his illness, and gets a prescription for an antibiotic (at a cost of about $15 to the pharmaceutical company) that clears up the infection within two weeks.
• Scenario B: Uninsured Tracker, who can't cough up the $150 for the visit, tries to wait out the sore throat, hoping for the best. When his illness becomes life-threatening he goes to the ER to find that he had strep which, having gone untreated, has now turned into a dandy case of rubella. Tracker is admitted to the hospital, which spends tens of thousands of dollars trying to save his life.

Most of you reading this are U.S. taxpayers, so I ask: Which scenario is the most cost-effective? If you said "Scenario A", you are correct; if you said, "Scenario B", you're lying because it's obvious that answer's wrong.

Gotta do it, folks, if only for economic reasons. I'm not advocating that we abolish private health care; those who can pay more should be able to get more. However, every citizen deserves at least the protection of a catastrophic health care plan. It's not just morally wise; it's fiscally responsible.

South Dakota...we dislike women AND judges

Besides the recent draconian abortion ban, here's another reason not to move to South Dakota, if any other reason were needed.

My favorite part of this proposed amendment is this...

"No immunity shall extend to any judge of this State for any deliberate violation of law, fraud or conspiracy, intentional violation of due process of law, deliberate disregard of material facts..." (Emphasis added.)

Just what does it mean to "disregard material facts"? That might mean a judge who issues an unpopular ruling can be penalized, because everyone knows that [insert issue name here] is just wrong, and the only way a judge could rule in favor of it was if he ignored the facts of the case. Very handy.

I'd like to suggest that South Dakota enact another amendment, one that outlaws deliberate fucking assholery on the part of the legislature.

Why don't they just call it GOP News?

Check out this Fox News interview with Dick Durbin.

The interviewer makes barely an effort to appear unbiased. This is my favorite part:

Chris Wallace: Senator, I want to follow up on this, because I'm a little bit surprised. You're saying that President Bush, who is the commander in chief in a time of war — you're not ruling out the possibility that he has broken the law, committed high crimes and misdemeanors, and could be subject to impeachment.

Why didn't he just say, "Senator, you're saying that a man who loves puppies and Valentine's Day, who donates excessively to charity and is oh-so-sweet to his wife could possibly have done anything wrong?"

Durbin, to his credit, refuses to be drawn, and for once I don't think it was just political double-speak. Of course he can't rule out impeachment; he needs to know more about Bush's wiretapping activities. Asking a U.S. senator if a president will be impeached if the Democrats gain control of Congress is like asking the D.A. for an indictment before an arrest has been made. It's just not something you can do.

How can anyone think Fox News is anything but a Republican mouthpiece?

And we wonder why...

...the world fears us. The United States struck a blow for less UN oversight of human rights issues worldwide. Some favorite quotes:

After voting against the new body, U.S. Ambassador John Bolton said his government is concerned that the UN members did not go far enough in ensuring that the council will have credibility.

Uh-huh. I'd say the biggest credibility gap lies with the US, author of such abuse-aramas as Guantanemo Bay and Abu-Graib. At least places like Uganda admit they torture people.

Mr. Bolton said the United States wanted council members elected by a two-thirds vote rather than a majority, and wanted a more efficient mechanism for booting violators off the council.

This from a guy who has yet to be approved by the Senate even by a majority vote, much less two-thirds. He'd better watch out the Senate doesn't boot him off the UN.

Folder Torture

The part of my office in which I work is pretty quiet, and there aren’t many people in the immediate area, so any noise can be quickly traced to its source. Just keep that in mind as I tell this.

I was trying to fit some labels I had designed into the spines of three-ring binders, and having a hell of a time not bending or tearing the labels. Just before I got to the level of frustration that equals hostage-taking, I asked the folks in the copy center how they do it. They told me they use the thin metal rail from a hanging file folder to guide the label into the binder sleeve. With this information, I returned to my desk, got out a spare hanging file and some scissors, and proceeded to cut the rail free.

QUORK! QUORK! QUORK!

That was the alarming sound of the scissors against the folder. It was unbelievably loud, as if some giant, prehistoric bird of prey was roosting in my cubicle and crying out its defiance. Before heads starting popping up over cubicle walls to see this great avian, I started nonchalantly checking my email, as if I hadn’t heard anything amiss. When the coast was clear, I returned to my cutting, this time working slowing and gently.

QQQUUUUOOORRRKKK! QQQUUUOOORRRKKK!

The sound was more prolonged but no quieter. I made as if I was absorbed in my email again, and when things had settled down, I adopted another tactic. I snipped gently at the folder to start the cut, then tore away the rest of the paper with my hands.

QUORK SSSSSHHHHHHPPPP! QUORK SSSSSHHHHHHPPPP!

I realized that, no matter what I did, that file folder was determined to raise its great voice, so I gave up on subtlety and had at it, quorking my way along until the job was done. The little metal rail was perfect for guiding the labels into the binder spines, by the way, so torturing this file folder was not without benefit.

My Second Biggest Laugh of the Day

Donald Rumsfeld, speaking before the Senate Appropriations Committee about Iraq:

"But the country is not in a civil war at the present time by most experts' calculation."

Umm...Don, if you have to bring in experts to evaluate if a nation is in a state of civil war, chances are, it is.

My biggest laugh of the day came whilst listening to Radio Times on WHYY. Tom Ferrick was discussing Pennsylvania politics, and he remarked that, in the governor's race, deeply conservative voters were going to have a terrible choice: They must choose between a black man from western Pennsylvania and Jew from Philadelphia. Tee-hee!

The Problem with Fear...

...is that, when used politically, it can turn on its wielder.

The Bush administration has spent the better part of five years telling the American people to fear all things Muslim, and now it wants us to turn our ports over to...Muslims. Hmm. So Muslims are too dangerous to let on our planes and in our buildings, but they'll do a super job running our ports?

Also, may I say it's about time Congress remembered that it, too, is mentioned in the Constitution? In fact, I believe the Constitution sets forth the makeup and powers of Congress way before it gets to the president. Let's check the document.

::riffles through files::

Here we are. Article I, Section 1:

All legislative powers herein granted shall be vested in a Congress of the United States, which shall consist of a Senate and a House of Representatives.

The noble document doesn't get to the president until Article II. That means that Congress has duties and powers all its own, and not just those delegated by the White House. Let's hope they remember that. I didn't send 19 reps and two senators to Washington to run Bush's errands, and I think most Pennsylvanians feel the same.

Now this is moxie!

This woman struck a blow for the elderly, but next time she might want to get herself a getaway driver.

Oooh! I hate them so much!

This really frosts my cookies. Earlier this year the state of Maryland passed a law (over its governor's veto) that would force the Wal-Mart's of the world to stop sucking off the public teat, but such a thing doesn't seem likely in Pennsylvania, and it's a shame.

We're told by conservatives that the "free market" is preferable to government interference, and that everything would be just fine and dandy if we'd just cut people off welfare and let private industry handle things. Uh-huh. Evidently it's OK when the private industry is the recipient of said welfare. That's what the corporate fucks call "externalizing costs", which is a eupemistic way of saying they're letting the taxpayers absorb the price of their greed. That's like when companies move from cities to lower-taxed suburban office parks, leaving the commuting costs to their employees and, ultimately, the taxpayers.

Oh, and by the way, there is no such thing as a "free market." Markets are constructions of humanity, not laws of nature like gravity. People create markets, and can damn well make sure they operate to the benefit of the many and not the few. If you have any doubt about this, just remember that it was government action that created the modern housing market, with guaranteed mortgage programs through the FHA. The government also enabled the construction of all those cozy suburban developments through investment in roads, utilities, and all of the other necessities of life. Free market...are you kidding?

Some of my favorite sayings

• Once you pay Danegeld, you never get rid of the Dane.*
• A guilty conscience is its own accuser.
• To mourn a mischief past and gone is the next way to bring new mischief on.*
• Lie down with dogs, get up with fleas.
• Short cuts make long delays**
• Where will wants not, a way opens.**
• There will be water if God wills it; we will find it if God wills it; we will drink it if God wills it.+

*Courtesy of Rudyard Kipling. Shut up, Dan!
**Courtesy of William Shakespeare
***Courtesy of JRR Tolkien
+Take this in an atheist sort of way.

Hey Inventors!

Last night Dan and I went to dinner with some friends of mine from out of state. Somehow, through a nexus of conversation about drugs and 70's children's toys, Dan proposed the EasyBake Meth Lab. That was the funniest damn thing I heard all day.

I'm in my third week at TNJ (The New Job, for those who don't remember), and most of the people there seem OK. They seriously need to discover the wonders of Quark; designing in Word is like trying to tie your shoes while wearing oven mitts. It's strange to go from being the most junior design person to the most senior, but don't take that as any testament to my design skills. A17th-century doctor only looks great when his patients are the Clan of the Cave Bear.

I love the Rules!

Have you ever heard of "The Rules"? These two women, Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider, wrote a book of dating do's and don't's for women, known as "The Rules." I'd heard of the book, but not until I paged through it at a bookstore did I realize the treasure trove of fun it truly is. Here's a few of the rules from "The Rules" for your amusement, along with my commentary.

Show up to parties, dances and social events even if you do not feel like it. This is so women can meet as many men as possible, and on the surface it sounds like good advice. Until, that is, you realize that when you attend a party when you'd rather be somewhere else you're not showing yourself at your best. Men will pick up on this, and the good ones will stay away while the bad ones swarm right in.

If you are in a long-distance relationship, he must visit you at least three times before you visit him. I'm not sure why it's three and not thirty, but Ellen and Sherrie wouldn't steer you wrong.

Close the deal; Rules women do not date men for more than two years. You see, women really just want to get married, so dating and relationships aren't about forming deep emotional bonds or getting to know yourself and someone else alot better. Women date to marry, and thus the walk down the aisle is just like signing the contract.

There are many other rules, of which I can paraphrase a few:

• You only call him once for ever three calls he makes.
• You never ask a man out on a date.
• Never accept a date for Saturday after Wednesday, even if it means sitting home alone.
• If a woman uses a dating service, she must place the ad and let men respond to her, not the other way around.
  

It goes on and on, but you get the drift. Essentially, "The Rules" supports a very archaic, sexist notion of male and female relationship roles, summed up as follows. Men pursue women. Women do not pursue men. If a woman pursues a man, he will quickly lose interest and wander. The only reliable way for a woman to bag a man is to pretend to be a mystery and to act like he needs her more than she needs him. Men are not really shy, so if there's one you fancy who seems reticent around you, it's not because he might be intimidated by your wit and charm, but because he's just not very interested. If you ask him out first, you are guaranteeing that your relationship will not work out. Sorry, gals.

Sheesh...isn't dating tough enough without dealing with playing games? Although I come at things from a different angle than women, I too have dated men (have I!) and I know well the challenges involved. Trust me...in my younger days I accepted treatment that, to think about it now, gets me scratching my head and saying, "Wha fuck?" No matter how bad things got I never resorted to game-playing, believing that being honest about myself, with myself, and with others was the best policy. Once I combined that policy with a measure of self-confidence, I found myself dating men whose memory doesn't give me any "Wha fuck?" moments. And I didn't need that crazy book to do it.

By the way, go to "The Rules" Web site and check out the celebrity testimonials. Yeah, right...when you have to get Destiny's Child to talk up your work, you know you're in trouble.

Two too many

Peter Benchley and Andreas Katsulas die in one week? What the fuck is going on? Since my outrage does not good, I'll have to settle for remembrance.

I read "Jaws" when I was, oh, nine or ten, and I liked it then despite the fact that at the time I didn't understand words like "megalodon" from Hooper or "prick" from Quint. (I never asked my mother the meaning of either, which looking back was probably best.) A simple story told well, and in my opinion those are usually the best ones.

"Babylon 5" was a delight I discovered only long after it had gone off the air. Back in June of '03 I had undergone some nose surgery which kept me in bed for three or four days, and those who know me know that I'm not good at sitting idle. Sarcasmo lent me the first season of B5 on DVD, and it not only helped pass the time, it became a new passion. So much so, in fact, that four days after my surgery I hobbled out to the mall video store, pale as a sheet and dribbling blood from my nose, to buy Season Two. I'll bet the few shoppers watching me shamble by thought they were in a remake of "Dawn of the Dead." Katsulas played G'Kar, my favorite B5 character, and he was an integral part of that show. The sci-fi world is poorer without him.

Rest in peace, guys.

What's going on in England?

I am very distressed to hear that the land which contains my very favorite place in the universe is enacting all sorts of strange laws. Currently on the table are proposals to ban speech that "glorifies" terrorism, and national ID cards that contain all manner of biological information (fingerprints, retinal patterns, etc.). Does Tony Blair realize that "1984" is a cautionary tale, and not a government playbook?

All of this is straining my love of the land of Madam George and roses.

Things I Learned This Weekend

1. Essays written by high school students are just painful.
2. Snow is fun only when you don't have to shovel it or drive through it.
3. Starbuck's new 'do annoys me.
   
4. "Jackie Brown" is as good on the third viewing as it was the first.

The First Day

I had my first day at The New Job. Since I'd rather not name my employer here, let's just call the company TNJ.

First of all, first days at jobs always suck. No matter how nice and polite and friendly and helpful everyone is, they just suck. You don't know anyone, you get lost easily, everyone's checking out the new guy/gal, all of that. Still, all that aside, it was a decent day minus first-day suckitude.

One thing that stuck out about TNJ was that just about everyone was physically attractive. Seriously. Even the older folks in their fifties and sixties were cute. That made me wonder if TNJ thought I made the grade or if they wanted me around for contrast. Another thing that stuck out was that this was a company that was doing well, which was quite the difference after six years at an organization that spent that time in a slow downward spiral.

Oh, and it's very cute to hear people who think that Microsoft Word is some kind of miracle tool. They're all like, "Did you know you can create style sheets?", and I'm like, "How cute!" The poor suckers.