Job-hunt Blues

Poppy's journal got me thinking about the suckitude of job hunting, so I'll say my say.

I was at an interview last week, but don't ask me why I went. The company is located in Concordville, which is not only the middle of nowhere but is also a 30-mile drive from my home. True, I currently work in Nowhereville, but at least I drive only 10 miles to it. Anyway, during the interview, the interviewer admitted that it's a conservative environment in which employee advancement is based more on the number of hours worked than on the quality of the work produced in all that time.

Now, obviously I don't want to work in a place that rewards attendance over performance, but the question that was foremost on my mind was this: Why would she tell me that? Does she think I'm going to say to myself, "Now THERE'S the work ethic for me!" And this chick was the boss's daughter! Honey, don't take a job in advertising, because you sure did a crap job selling your dad's company. I'm grateful for this ineptness, believe me (saves me a bad employment experience), but it makes you wonder how she recruits anyone besides people who are naive, desperate, or foolish.

Another thing that pisses me off in terms of job hunting is when employees ask you to submit a salary history with your initial letter and resume. That's pretty personal information if you ask me, and although I'll reveal it on a job application, I point-blank refuse to do it in a letter to a person whom I may never meet. Besides, there is exactly one reason why an employer wants to know this: So they can screw you. They want to get an idea just how little you'll accept, and then aim a bit lower than that. Bastards.

Still, job-seekers gather 'round, for there's revenge to be had. You know all those on-the-spot questions interviewers pose you? Well, two can play at that game, and I always grab the dice and throw. I believe firmly in asking the same kind of questions, which make interviewers squirm and give me a happy. Here's a sample of the kind of stuff I ask:

- When I was a legal administrator, my supervisory philosophy was to empower people to do their jobs and then get out of their way. What's your philosophy?

- Obviously, you're recruiting not just a set of technical skills, but a person with qualities and mannerisms, etc. What kind of person best fits into this corporate culture?

- Can you tell me about the last time you had to reprimand an employee, and how you handled it?

I guarantee that these questions, and others like 'em, are guaranteed to make interviewers squirm, and that's always fun. Given that you're not likely to get the job, you may as well enjoy yourself at the interview, right?

Open letter to pedestrians

Before I get started, let me point out that I am a a Center City dweller who walks at least four miles a day, so I qualify as a frequent pedestrian. With that being said...

Dear pedestrians:

In case you weren't aware, when wet snow is falling on frozen streets, it is difficult for my small, light car to get traction on those streets. That means that, no matter how slowly and safely I drive, quick stopping is problematical. Therefore, when you dart out in front of my car you are risking both your health and my driving record. If you do so and I hit you, I will phone the ambulance and see to your immediate needs but be otherwise blithely unconcerned with anything but said driving record, which to this date is flawless.

Isn't that snotty of me? Too bad! I drove like a grandma yesterday, never exceeding 20 mph on the city streets, staying alert and ultra-safe, and the damned jaywalkers still nearly gave me a heart attack. I like walking and support those who do it, but I really, really wish they'd not take such obviously foolish risks. Blech.

Yummy food

Fettucini Alfredo: Dan made some of this last night, and not by adding milk to the yellow powder, as I would. He used an egg and cream and cheese and other stuff. It was munchalicious.

Tacos: I'm not a fan of Mexican food, but I can eat tacos like, well, something you can eat alot of.

Chicken: The nice thing about chicken is that it can be prepared in so many ways. It can be fried, baked, sauteed, cutleted, and much, much more, and all of it tasty. (Yes, I said "cutleted." Shut up.)

Pizza: Unlike most, I don't buy that when pizza is bad, it's good. When it's bad it's pretty fucking terrible in my opinion, but when it's right...oh yes. Dan and I had some in Boston last September than was to die for. We didn't, though. Die. Just in case you were worried.

Vegetables: These are usually best steamed, but raw is good too. Nothing like a fresh salad of green leaf lettuce with cauliflower, broccoli, tomatoes, cucumbers and carrots, with perhaps a bit of chicken thrown in for good measure. Just a bit, though; no club salads for me, thanks.

Bread: Much to Dr. Atkins' horror, I am a big fan of bread, and I can even make a decent loaf from scratch. Not with a namby-pamby breadmaker, either, but with my own, non-namby hands. I've been in known to bake a loaf just in time for dinner and have bread and butter only. That's enough.

It's that time again.

Since we've gotten our first snow warning of the season, people are engaging in snow-talk, which as I have said before annoys me way more than it should.

First, let's talk about the inane comments like "Ready for snow?" How does one respond to this? For that matter, how does one really prepare for snow? Run out and buy canned goods so that when six inches falls you'll have something to eat until the rescue squad doesn't come and dig you out of nothing? We live in a major metropolitan area in the most powerful country in the world, which means that the vast majority of us have little to fear from a half-foot of snow. I know that, no matter what happens, I'll be able to face the horror of snowy boots so that I can get to Acme to pick up my Lucky Charms. Really.

Now, there are the amateur forecasts, which get increasingly dire as the day draws near. In the morning you'll hear 2-4 inches, which by lunch will have become 6-8 inches, and by closing time will be the worst winter weather since the Ice Age. Very little of it is backed by any meteorological evidence, but it's repeated with an almost breathless excitement. I don't get it. Snow will fall or it won't, and we'll get what we get. Therefore, people, talking about snow does nothing except piss me off, and unlike snow, I might actually kill you. And all the milk and bread in the world won't protect you.

A nun teaches me about faith.

Sister Helen Prejean, as you may know, is the author of Dead Man Walking, and was played by Susan Sarandon in the movie of the same name. I heard her interviewed on NPR yesterday, and thought, “Hmm…I’ll have to read her new book.” When I heard she was speaking at the Free Library of Philadelphia that very evening, I decided to go hear her speak. I’m glad I did.

Like me, she’s ardently against the death penalty, but unlike me, she has lots of first-hand experience with the way the death penalty is meted out and how it works. However, that’s not what so impressed me about her. During the hour she spoke, I was transfixed by her eloquence, her warmth, and her tart Louisiana wit. She’s a Catholic nun, but the words she spoke rang true in this atheist’s heart. You can read a PBS interview with her, if you like.

I have lots of Catholic friends, some of whom are quite devout, but until last night I never really understood why they believed as they do. When I left the library I thought, “So this is why people are Catholic!” What I heard from Sister Prejean was not the tired old vote-against-gay-marriage-and-ban-abortion nonsense you get from this or that bishop, but a real, substantive message of hope and community redemption. I also thought, “Why is this woman speaking at a library on a Tuesday night, and not from her seat on the floor of the Senate?”

Anyway, the evening was a real eye-opener for me on the power of true faith. Truth be told, if there were more Sister Prejeans and fewer Cardinal O’Connors, both the Catholic Church and the world would be better served. I’m tempted to say that she makes me want to convert, but I’m still not on board with the God thing, and I understand that’s kind of an impediment to being Catholic.

Fun things I have done

Visiting the CN Tower. This sucker's in Toronto, and it's tall. Near the top you can stand on this glass floor and look directly down to the street way, way below. I don't care for heights, and it took me a long time to walk out on that glass so that the ceiling camera could get a picture of me and my traveling companions. The sign proclaiming that the glass could support the weight of fourteen hippos did not reassure me in the least, but it did get me wondering how the signmakers know that.

HersheyPark. Yeah, I know it's commercial and all that, but it was a place with rides and chocolate. I confess that I'm not the world's best roller-coaster rider; for me, the fun-terror ratio is nearly 1-1, so my appetite for such experiences is limited. However, I rode three that day, which for me is about ten years' worth.

Ultimate Tournament. Some years back, the gay Ultimate group to which I used to belong entered in a charity tournament out in Oaks, PA, that benefitted Siloam. It was ridiculous as we knew nothing, I mean nothing, about the game, so we were promptly and unceremoniously trounced in three separate games. Still, we were voted Spirit Winners of the division, probably because a) everyone else felt sorry for us; and b) we suffered three crushing defeats and never stopped smiling. We never stopped smiling because we had a great time.

Visiting the Beach on Christmas. I don't care much for Florida, but tromping around a beach in shorts and bare feet on December 25 is pretty darn cool. Dan and I chased the surf down the beach, and then were chased back up by the returning surf, and we dug holes that the sea smoothed away. I can't say it was a great weekend, but it was a great trip to the beach.

Chinese Food in Canada. During the aforementioned Toronto trip, my traveling companions and I found a wonderful Chinese restaurant in, of all places, a strip mall. The food was great, and so was the company. We got laughing over something that wouldn't seem funny if I repeated it here, but it kept us in stitches for ages, and can still break us up to this day.

I've done more fun things than this, but my fingers are getting tired.

It's just the system

Last night Dan and I were talking about lawsuits, and I said that, should I ever file one, I want to do it under the guidance of a lawyer who is bitter, angry, and crooked. This sent Dan into gales of laughter, and I guess it is funny, but I'm serious about it.

You see, I don't buy all this nonsense about tort reform and how much it will lower insurance premiums. I worked at a law firm that specialized in insurance defense, and I can tell you that insurance companies make money hand over fist. They care nothing about their customers, nor do the premiums they charge reflect the actual reality of the risks they take. If you want a good indicator as to when premiums will rise, keep an eye on how these companies' investments perform. If they perform well, premiums stay relatively flat; if not, premiums rise. The notion that "frivolous lawsuits" have the biggest impact on premiums is pure propaganda generated by the insurance industry and parrotted by their Republican lapdogs in government. Oh, there's an impact, but it's not the "A causes B" relationship they'd have you believe.

With this in mind, you'll not be surprised to hear that I oppose tort reform. Big business has used its purchased politicians to draft laws to benefit itself, and the lawsuit is the common man's way to level the playing field. Lawsuits are the way that those of us who lack lobbyists make certain that corporate scum don't go unfettered along their exploitative way. The insurance industries work the system to their benefit, and so does the common man. The system is not about morality or fairness, and although you may think your refusal to work that system is noble, it's a nobility I assure you big business does not share. Therefore, when I have to play the game, I play to win. That's the system.

Eighty degrees and palm trees!

Nothing says "Christmas" like warm, humid weather and palm trees, as I discovered last weekend in Boca Raton. We visited Dan's parents there, in a place Dan calls, quite aptly, "God's Waiting Room." It was dead, but it was warm, and I spent Christmas on a beach in bare feet, so I can't complain. It was bizarre to be sitting out on the patio in shorts drinking egg nog on Christmas, but I could get used to that kind of bizarre.

Dan's parents can cook like nobody's business. Mother of all creatures great and small, but did I eat! Dan's mom even made us lunches for the plane ride, so while the other passengers were paying five bucks for crappy Italian hoagies, we were chowing down on chicken cutlet sandwiches with lettuce, accompanied by low-fat potato chips and followed by pizzelles. Oh, and we watched Babylon 5 movies on Dan's new portable DVD player all the while. Sweet, sweet technology.

Sacrifice? Who, us?

I've been following the flap about the upcoming inauguration, and calls that Bush should opt for something more frugal given there's a war on. I disagree. I think a lavish event is actually quite appropriate, given how consistent it would be with current events.

During WWII Americans rationed sugar, rubber and metal. They paid higher taxes. Women went to the factories to replace the husbands, fathers and sons who were called off to war. Nowadays, things have changed. No draft has been called, and no materials have been rationed. Instead, Americans (well, the wealthy ones, anyway) get plump tax cuts, and the rest of us are exhorted to go to the mall and shop to fuel the economy. Aside from the relatively few Americans who have family serving in Iraq, this conflict touches the lives of very few Americans, especially since the Bush crowd is bending over backwards to make sure we think everything in Fallujah's just ducky. Therefore, I say that if the commoners aren't called upon to sacrifice, why should George Bush? Let's all party, particularly because I suspect that before too long we won't feel much like celebrating.

Great moments

I'm going to relive (and relate) a great moment I had playing Ultimate, for no reason other than I feel like reliving (and relating) it.

It was Fall League 2004, and in semi-finals my team was locked in battle against a team far superior to us in terms of skill. Still, we hung in there, and we turned a 10-4 game into 12-10. (For the uninitiated, most games of Ultimate end when one team reaches 13.) The other team was now sweating, realizing their cakewalk had turned into a real struggle, and my team smelled blood. On offense I was matched up against a guy taller, faster and younger than I, which meant my odds of getting open for a pass were slim. We needed every opening we could get, so I decided to get creative. I was facing the person with the disk, and my defender was facing me, so I looked up over his left shoulder, eyes wide as if tracking a thrown disc. He completely fell for it and took off, spinning to the left while looking for a disc that wasn't there. Stunned that this simple ploy had actually worked, I nevertheless darted to the right...just in the path of the thrown disc. My team captain was a savvy player, and guessing that I was somehow going to cut right, anticipated my maneuver with a neat little sidearm.

In case you're thinking my deviousness carried the day, think again; we lost the game on the next point and never made it to finals. Still, I was proud of myself as I accompanied my team off the field in defeat.

Battlestar Galactica

Before I get started, let me warn you that the title of this post will not turn out to be some clever, jokey reference later on. I just feel like blathering about "Battlestar Galactica", the new version of which begins January 14.

I am a big fan of the old series, but the new one (at least in the pilot) addressed some issues that the original just sort of roughed over. For example, if the Colonial fleet was traveling at sub-light speeds, how the hell did it get anywhere? My goodness, but it would take months or years just to get out of our own solar system at that rate, which means that those people weren't escaping anyone unless the Cylons were riding unicycles. Also, I was never satisfied with the they-caught-us-by-surprise explanation for the destruction of the Colonies. No matter how clever the ambush, or how strong the Cylons, there's just no way the Colonies would be defeated in a day or two. And if the Cylons were powerful enough to effect that kind of destruction, why the heck did they bother with the "peace plan" ruse in the first place? Finally, why the heck would Baltar ally himself with a race bent on destroying humanity, given that he is, well, human? Yeah, yeah, I know the Imperious Leader promised to spare Baltar's colony, but I cannot believe a secret quisling clever enough to ascend to the Council of Twelve would fall for a ploy that transparent.

The new series, on the other hand, answers these questions. The Colonies' defense network and ships were infected by an advanced computer virus, which was unwittingly This virus was introduced into their network by Baltar, who was only unwittingly betraying humanity. This makes Baltar a much more believable and sympathetic character.

January 14...I'm there.

"Intelligent" design

By now you've heard that the ACLU, bless their liberal hearts, are going after Dover, PA, which has judiciously required that intelligent design (ID) theory be taught in 9th-grade biology classes. For those of you who might be unfamiliar with intelligent design, don't worry; it's just creationism in a cheap suit.

Proponents of ID are fond of pointing out that evolution is "just a theory", which signals a complete misunderstanding of the difference between the lay uses and the scientific uses of the word "theory." To the layman, a theory is an educated guess; to the scientist, it is an explanation, backed by empirical evidence, of a natural phenomenon. See the difference?

It's telling that ID proponents don't want to teach alternatives to other scientific theories, like gravity or atomic theory. Why, perhaps high school chemistry courses should give time to the notion that matter is composed not of atoms, but of the four elements! After all, atomic theory is "just a theory."

Hey, ID advocates! You are at best intellectually dishonest, and at worst small-minded fools who have been blinded by a religious view of the world you insist upon foisting on the rest of the world. Fuck you.

No babies!

Someone brought her baby into work today, and I was thinking, "Man, I feel so uncomfortable about that. I wish I could bitch about it." Then I remembered I have a blog that hasn't been updated in quite some time, so you get to hear about it.

It's no secret that I am not into babies. I understand they're necessary to the continuation of the species, so I don't agitate to outlaw them, yet in general I don't really want any part of them. They're loud, demanding, often smelly, totally non-self-sufficient, and, contrary to popular opinion, not always cute. When someone brings a baby to work, I find myself unsure how to proceed. The options that present themselves are:

Tell the truth: "Wow. A baby. Like I've never seen one of those before. Take it away, please."
Tell a lie: "Aww...look how cute! and he has little booties!"
Be untruthful without actually lying: "Congratulations! You must be very proud." (I say this in the same voice as option #2, so as to imply cuteness without indicating that I actually think so. Which I usually don't.)
Flee: This one's self-explanatory.

The real kicker is that I don't blame new parents for being proud. After all, they've brought into being a completely new being who, in about twenty years, could become a totally interesting person I'd love to have around. That's no mean feat. I'll be happy about it in twenty years.

P.S. I was attacked by a small dog Sunday while on 23rd Street near Locust. The little fucker broke off its leash and lunged at me repeatedly, and, being the humanitarian I am, I didn't drop kick it towards Spruce. Its owner chased it ineffectually, telling me, "Oh, she just barks." Uh-huh. If she ever comes after me again she'll spend the rest of her days drinking her Alpo through a straw.

Games! Books!

I'll make my contribution to the Game Day blogging. Game Day was loads of fun, although since I joined long games I did not play as many as I would have liked. Still, I enjoyed everything I did play. Highlights of the day included a continuation of my undefeated streak in Modern Art, and a mind-boggling suicide move by Yagathai in Game of Thrones.

-->I'm still staggered by this. When I play strategy games I play 100% to win. I hold no grudges and I settle no scores; I just do what I have to do to win. I can't comprehend why anyone would act differently.<--

I discovered, however, that I don't like Trivial Pursuit, and here's why. One, no matter which version I play (80's, Star Wars, etc.), I know virtually none of the answers. Either those questions are too hard or I'm too stupid, but either way I don't have many answers. Two, the game goes on for hours, and you don't spend much time actually playing it. You try in vain to answer a question, then you wait fifteen minutes to try vainly to answer another. I think I'll skip the next game.

Now, to justify Word Two of my heading, I received some books today from Amazon. I tried to get them at Borders on Chestnut, but, as usual, they had none of the six books on my list, three of which are less than one year old. (That's why I no longer search for books at bookstores. When I want a book I get it from Amazon, and reserve my time in actual bookstores for browsing.) I got "Under the Banner of Heaven" as my serious reading, and three Babylon 5 books for mind-candy. Now that my class is winding down I have time to read...at least until my next class starts. Ugh. Save me.

P.S. There are alot of parenthetical phrases in this post, which is not really recommended in terms of good writing. Too bad! My blog, my rules.

The Stepford Wives (or I Wish I Had One for Just One Day)

I saw the remake of "The Stepford Wives" the other day, and it was...interesting. For those of you who don't know, I judge remakes by two criteria:

1) Does the remake say something the original doesn't?
2) Does the world need this remake?

If you, the producer, answer "no" to either of these questions, don't make the movie.

"Wives" certainly meets criterion #1, because it's a black comedy or even a farce, whereas the original was horror. Also, I think that where the original asked, "What is woman?", the remake asks, "What is man?" A relevant question, I suppose, but the movie doesn't do very much to answer it. In addition, there is one crucial point in which the story contradicts itself, and while I'm not expecting that kind of movie to be 100% believable, I don't expect it to be self-contradictory. Be that as it may, yes, the remake does make a different statement than the original.

As to criterion #2....well, one of the reasons the original movie was so compelling was the time in which it was released, and when you watch it you have to think of it in that context. The new movie obviously can't be retroactively released in the 70's, but I felt that it was fairly context-neutral, and that in my opinion makes it less interesting. Therefore, I think that I can say that, no, the world really did not need a remake of "The Stepford Wives."

More Election Madness

In considering the disaster that befell us November 2, let's take a look at the massive but sparsely populated state of Alaska. As you may know, Republican incumbent Lisa Murkowski was running against Democratic challenger Tony Knowles. Let's review each candidate's respective qualifications:

Tony Knowles: BA from Yale in 1968. Served on the Anchorage Assembly (1975-1979), was Mayor of Anchorage (1981-1987), and was then Governor of Alaska (1994-2002).

Lisa Murkowski: BA from Georgetown U in 1980, JD from Williamette College. Served in the Alaska House (1998-2002).

Now, if asked which candidate is more likely to serve well in the US Senate, which would you choose? If you said, "Lisa Murkowski", you're as big a fool as the 121,000 who kept her in office. Lisa Murkowski did serve in the Alaska House, yes, but she was elected to her second term by 57 votes. Yep. That means if Wal-Mart had had a sale that day, she'd have been out of luck. She became a senator only because her father, Frank Murkowski, was elected governor and appointed her to fill the seat. Apparently, out of the hundreds of thousands of people in the state, there was no one more qualified to represent Alaska in Washington than Murkowski's daughter. Uh-huh. Nepotism is evidently spelled A-L-A-S-K-A.

The point I'm making with this odd couple is that some people vote along party lines regardless of reason, wisdom, or, apparently, sanity. How can you possibly change that?

The new Civil War

Before you get started, read this, for laughs and to contextualize this post.

Have you contextualized? Good. Now, the author of the above screed gets some of his facts wrong, but I understand and sympathize with his sentiment. Blue staters are supposedly less moral, less down-home, less realistic, less useful, and more full of smarty-pants elitism than red staters. The fact that some of those red-staters voted for Kerry, and some blue staters for Bush, doesn't even register with the hysterical right-wing media.

I cannot stand this red state-blue state divide that's being sold by conservatives in an attempt to woo low-income voters with cultural warfare instead of solid economic policies. Let me give you an idea of just how fundamentally cracked the far right-wing view of reality is. I heard Rush Limbaugh on the radio pre-election, and he was saying that the Democrats actually wanted Kerry to lose. Why? So they could impeach George Bush and put Hilary Clinton in his place. Let's review exactly what's wrong with that assertion:

1) Nobody in Congress really wants to impeach Bush.
2) The Republicans control Congress, so even if every single Democrat actually wanted to impeach the Republicans could squash it.
3) If all of reality shifted and Congress actually did impeach Bush, Dick Cheney would assume the White House, not the junior senator from New York, aka Hilary Clinton.

You see, it's part of the conservative agenda to wail that liberals exercise a jackbooted control over America, even though Republicans control all three branches of the federal government. This gives conservatives a handy scapegoat for their failure to achieve anything of substance, such as getting health care coverage to the poor or enabling Americans to find living-wage jobs. The real pity of the situation is that Americans fall for it year after year.

Winston Churchill said that, in a democracy, people generally get the government they deserve. Well, you asked for it, America. Here it comes.

My turn!

OK...I'm ready to make my own commentary regarding the election.

I took a good long time thinking about this election, and one of the first things I did was ask myself, "Am I getting it wrong?" Was invading Iraq really a wise and moral use of national resources? Can the United States honestly hope to bring about a Middle East democracy at a price (in dollars and lives) we can afford? Is my opposition rooted in knee-jerk loathing for the socially conservative agenda Bush pushes? I turned these questions over in my mind very honestly and carefully, and all I can say is that my former position remains unchanged. Maybe I'm a fool or too liberal and elite, but at the very least I'm honest with myself on this issue.

With those questions answered, I had to turn to a larger question: "What do I do now?" I've decided that, from now on, I will no longer speak against the Iraq invasion and occupation, nor will I debate its values. The American people have endorsed Bush's actions of the past three years, and further debate at this juncture is pointless. I'd hoped that the majority of my countrymen would come around on their own and take the path of reason, but instead they have chosen blood. So be it. Perhaps the only way for us to remember the lessons of Vietnam is to relearn them.

If America wants war, perhaps it's best that America gets it.

Yawn of the Dead

I was home yesterday, resting my poor foot, and I decided to rent a few movies. It killed me to drive to a video store only about a mile away, but my foot and I had a showdown and I lost. Anyway, I got the remake of "Dawn of the Dead" and "Ginger Snaps Back."

Dawn of the Dead: Like the Romera original, this features a group of humans who take shelter in a mall from hordes of ravening zombies. The similarities pretty much end there. As could be expected, this version has zombies that are faster and more hyped, and more explosions, and prettier actors, none of which improved things in my opinion. Naturally the social commentary is gone, as are the in-your-face gore scenes. Still, since I love me some zombie movie, I enjoyed the remake for what it was, although it in no way displaces the original. Grade: C+

Ginger Snaps Back: I'm a big fan of the "Ginger" oeuvre, so it's no surprise that I should like this movie. It takes place back in the 18th century, but Ginger and Bridget are no less entertaining than they were in the new millenium. I'll say no more, except, "Rent this." Grade: B+

My kinda god

Whilst talking with a friend about the election, I said I'd convert to Christianity were Kerry to win the electoral vote whilst losing the popular vote. That would prove that a) there is a God; and b) He is a funny god. That got me thinking about what kind of god I'd worship if I believed in that kind of thing, and I decided that a funny god would get my obeisance.

All-knowing? Pah! There are already ten million people in my life who think they know better than I do; how's one more going to make a difference? Merciful? Given the current state of the world, evidently divine mercy is, uh, different from what you and I think of as merciful. Just? This one's tempting, because there certainly are some people in this world who having in coming in spades, but then again I think humanity can handle that part. A funny god...well, that's something we don't have, can't simulate, and desperately need.

I want to see evil dictators dispatched not by angry mobs or foolish world leaders who misuse intelligence and mislead their own people (hint, hint), but by giant cream pies hurled from space. I want world hunger solved by the spontaneous transformation of socially conservative Republicans into tasty bread. I'd like to see corporate scum polluters turned into giant pinatas and set free on a planet of people with an unsatiable hunger for candy and whose arms are sharp wooden sticks. Now that's a miracle!