My knee hurts and it's all my fault.

This weekend I was all set to play Ultimate with my we'll-play-anytime pickup team, on a beautiful day, and no one showed up. (Well, almost no one.) Anyway, I decided to turn that lemon into lemonade and, if the weather held for Sunday, do the walk I have been dying to do: the loop from the art museum, across the Falls Bridge, and back again. In case you didn't know, that's an 8.5-mile loop, which of course does not include the two-plus miles from my apartment to the museum. But did I let that daunt me? No! I may be queer but I am no pansy, so I gathered up my new sneakers and my backpack and set out at 11 am Sunday morning.

It was indeed a beautiful day, and Kelly Drive was full of people with the same idea as me, except they were sane and walked only a few miles. I was feeling pretty good, until I got across the bridge and about one mile along the drive, at which point my knee sent me a message:

"Let's take a break, OK?"

Did I listen? No! I'm no pansy, so I girded up my courage and pressed on, ashamed of my knee for suggesting such a thing. About another mile later, my big toe chimed in:

"Hey, blister developing here! Break time?"

I laughed at my toe's weak will and kept my pace, confident that as a healthy individual who walks four miles a day I was not daunted by a mere blister. After about another mile, my knee sent up a more pointed message:

"Dude, you are thirty-five. That's 3-5. Ten years ago you could have dashed one way and trotted the other, but today you'd better take a break."

Break? Breaks are for wussies, I thought, disgusted with my traitorous knee. However, for the remainder of the walk my toe and my knee vied for first place in the "I Really Hurt" contest. The knee was more persistent, but the toe was more wince-worthy. Back and forth they went, and by the time I was on Chestnut Street Toe was way in front. However, when I was limping along Pine at 11th Knee made the comeback of a career, racing past Toe to claim the "Hurty Hurty Ow Ow" gold medal, which it still wears proudly today. Stupid knee!

The moral of the story: Don't walk from my apartment to the Falls Bridge. It's just as bad an idea as it seems.