Tales from the Restroom

I work in a dreadful office complex in Bala Cynwyd, and to escape my increasingly dreadful job I walk 3-4 miles every day at lunch. On the way back, I sometimes stop in the 1st-floor restroom on the way back to my desk. It's always an adventure. One time I was treated to the unmistakable sound of someone in one of the stalls, uh, entertaining himself. Yes. Last week I was in there and the guy two sinks down starts splashing water into his face with cupped hands, making all these snorting and snuffling sounds. I thought he was trying to drown himself until I realized he was blowing his nose in the sink. I thought, "Dude...I'm right here!", but he kept right on, oblivious.

Sometimes, I have learned, it's better to hold it until the 4th floor.