Overheard at Work...the Reckoning

Two posts ago I mentioned my poor, poor coworker who complained about not getting a response to an emailed resume and my sadness that she had not yet seen the worst. (Or near the worst.) Sadly, I was correct, as she was complaining the other day about being kept waiting a half-hour for an interview that the interviewer skipped without notice.

Sometimes I hate being right.

Arlen Specter switches parties, eh? Well, I still think he was a useless old windbag during the Bush years, grumbling about W's many corrupt incompetencies but doing next to nothing about it. Independent, indeed.

Remember when I said I knew what was coming?

Well, I was wrong. I thought I'd seen every bit of job-hunting craziness there was, but the universe has proven, once again, that even when you think you've seen the worst, there's always something just a little bit lower. I'm not going into details here, but let me say this: If you are contemplating taking a job with a major Center City law office, contact me first and tell me the name. If it is the same company to which I so obliquely refer...run hard, run silent, run deep.

Dan and I are watching (courtesy of Netflix) the old 90's series "American Gothic" and kind of enjoying it. One of the actors, who was probably about eleven at the time, is just fantastic for someone so young. Seriously. He reminds me of young Jodie Foster, who was good even in "Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore" because she is just a natural.

Had off from work today (soon I will have off every day!) and I spent most of it on household duties, the chief of which was stripping, cleaning and sealing the deck. Another chore completely neglected by the former owners, so there was mildew aplenty, but I got most of it with my trusty deck scrubber. Those of you attending BBQ's this summer will get to see the New and Improved Deck for yourselves.

New favorite lyric:

"I've looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all"

Artist: Joni Mitchell (Joni Mitchell)
Song: Both Sides Now
Album: Clouds

Almost forgot...this is for CathyC.

Overheard at work

As I previously mentioned, the company for which I work is not likely to outlast the milk in my refrigerator, so everyone's scrambling for work. As you may know, law firm people tend to stick with the firm for years if not decades, and some of them haven't job-hunted since Nixon was president. Today I heard one of those say she'd emailed her resume in response to a job posting and never got a reply. She complained that not responding to a submitted resume was "just unprofessional."

I shook my head sadly but said nothing; she has no idea what awaits: A world of companies who don't acknowledge your application, treat you like a criminal during the interview and dirt after you've left the office. And that was when the economy was fine. Great Zeus. I don't have the heart to break it to her. Not that I'm in much better straits, but at least I know what's coming.

This show brought to you by ibuprofen

Yes, I was sick again for a show, but since there was no way I was skipping, I reached out to my friend Motrin and muddled through. I'm actually fairly pleased with my performance, but the audience was less so. Truth be told, they didn't much like any of the four of us, so I was in good company. The video should be available within a few days.

Oh, and if you click on "My Photos" to the right you can find some photos taken by TrackerMom at various shows. Enjoy!

This is just weird

Now that my resume is active on Monster.com again, I am getting bombarded with all sorts of job-hunting advice. Here's a doozy from CNN Money, in the form of a Q&A:

How can you get someone's attention?

We can go into billboards, sandwiches - that stuff only works once. It's only for one person who figures it out once, once in a city. If you're looking for fun stuff, we have this thing called the coffee cup caper, 30% of the time it will result in an interview. You send an employer a coffee cup with a little $5 swipe card with a little note that says, I'd like to get together and talk with you over coffee. I'll be calling soon. And you send it by U.S. post two day delivery, and that gets registered. So when they've signed for it, you wait about 20 minutes and then you call them. And then you go, Hi, I know you just got my package.' You're proving you're imaginative and creative.

And a stalker! You don't give a potential employer gifts, particularly when that gift is accompanied by creepy, Fatal-Attraction-style surveillance that reveals, to the minute, when they received that gift. What's next? Do you bring wine and condoms on their honeymoon? Ye gods...does anyone actually get hired this way?

Just a reminder...

Fags and Hags at Stir
Featuring Katie Kohler, Neil McGarry, Joanne Filan, and Janice Kamalski.
Wednesday April 1, 10pm, 1705 Chancellor Street
$5 admission ($2 off first drink)

I will have 15-20 minutes, although I don't know when I'm going on. Can't wait!

Two shows down

I have put both the The Return of the 1-4-5 Show and Screwballs behind me, and now I am on to Fags & Hags on April 1. I feel kinda like a real comedian. Screwballs was fun, BTW, and the audience was ready to laugh but unforgiving. Didn't matter how good your last joke was; if this one wasn't working, you didn't get a peep outta them. Maybe that's how it should be, I don't know, but it sure was disconcerting. The Yoo-hoo bit has never failed though, which is surprising given how lame a joke it is. Videos for both should be available within a few days.

On my way to work today, I saw a man on a bike with a small dog in a small pouch at his midsection. Both man and dog wore identical goggles and were intently watching the road. I wish I'd had the camera!

In case you haven't heard, WolfBlock LLP, my employer, is disintegrating. It's no secret; the Inquirer broke the story Monday morning, which is where I heard about it, and it's been all over the local media ever since. Everyone around here is weepy, angry, bitter, etc., but I can't help but feel a bit optimistic. In this circumstance I can collect unemployment insurance, whereas the last two times I was unemployed there was nothing but Dan and my savings. So this is the softest landing I have ever had. Also, if you have to be out of work spring is the right time for it!

UPDATE: Video for Screwballs show now available.

I'm in the news!

And not for shooting twelve people in a mall or something. For comedy. Look!

OK, it's not the New York Times, but any publicity is good as long as they spell your name right. Given how often my name gets mangled (McGarvey, McGarrity, McGorry, NeGary), I feel I'm well ahead of the curve.

Upcoming shows!

The Return of the 1-4-5 Show
Featuring Neil McGarry, Joey Callahan, Katie Kohler, Carolyn Busa, Mike Eiswerth, and Samita Pendse
Friday, March 20, 7pm, 1100 Walnut Street
$10 admission

Screwballs
Featuring Katie Kohler, Neil McGarry, and others.
Tuesday, March 24, 8:30pm - ?, 208 W Biedler Road King of Prussia PA
No admission but a two drink minimum.

Fags and Hags at Stir
Featuring Katie Kohler, Neil McGarry, Joanne Filan, and Janice Kamalski.
Wednesday April 1, 10pm, 1705 Chancellor Street
$5 admission ($2 off first drink)

What a guy!

You know you are a tax scofflaw when Michael Nutter, personally, calls you out. At your office. In the middle of the day.

I kinda wish the mayor would call me out over something I'm doing wrong, like goofing off at work or discarding the parts of the Oreo I don't want to eat.** You can't buy that kind of publicity.


**For those who don't know, I will, occasionally, remove one cookie side from the Oreo and eat the frosting and other side. But I do eat the frosting, though. People who don't are terrorists. It is known.

Booked!

My third show for this spring is...



I'll leave you to decide if I am a fag or a hag. Or both.

Shameless self-promotion!

If you don't know about my show, looky looky.

Overheard in a men's room...

"Your cheeks are rosy."

Admittedly, I take a dim view of conversation in a public restroom, but come on. The speaker was referring to what cold does to the human face, but really.

Tom Zarek may have been right.

Read no further if you fear BSG spoilers! (Or at least don't follow the link)

The argument against Cylon alliance.

Some "common sense"

Look, I understand why John McCain would turn to the "wisdom" of Joe the Plumber in the waning days of his campaign; I mean, when you're desperate you take some long shots. But why is the Republican Party still listening to this man?

His name's not Joe. He isn't a plumber. He doesn't own a business. Not only would he not have paid more taxes under Obama's plan, he's apparently had trouble paying taxes at all. Joe the Plumber is a figment of the GOP's collective imagination, constructed from phony populism and empty, blue-collar hero worship with just a dash of anti-intellectualism.

Come to think of it, maybe he's the perfect Republican spokesman after all.

"I'd like to help you Tom in any way I can
I sure appreciate the way you're working with me
I'm not a monster, Tom...well, technically I am
I guess I am."

Artist: Jonathan Coulton
Song: RE: Your brains
Album: Thing A Week (Two)

The nightmare made plush!

Thanks to John. I think.

I had...a nightmare?

Before I go into this, you have to know two things:

1) From time to time I have spider dreams, in which arachnids (usually large and gross) feature prominently and I wake in a panic.

2) A drider is a AD&D monster that is a dark elf who pissed off the Demon Queen of Spiders and got cursed with a part-spider body. Picture a centaur except with a spider bottom and you've pretty much got it.

OK, back to the nightmare. I was on a raptor (yes, from "Battlestar Galactica") piloted by Margaret "Racetrack" Edmonson and accompanied by Saul Tigh. Racetrack took us to this large under-construction-looking space structure, and then we donned spacesuits and left the raptor. We climbed along the structure until we reached this little alcove in which there was a sort of web-nest containing a single baby drider. Clearly, there are no baby driders, but that's not what was odd. What was odd was that the drider was plush. And what was bizarre was that the drider was Andy Dick, or at least from the waist up. (The rest, naturally, was spider.) When this offense to gods and man began to push itself mewling out of its nest, I started kicking at it and I woke up kicking at Dan.

So...I had a nightmare in which I was menaced by a baby, plush, Andy-dick drider. Great Zeus, but this job is getting to me.

Cylons love gyros, too!

Ordinarily, I view the Sixes (like all Cylons) as sociopathic, overly religious douchebags, but on the gyro issue we are in full agreement.

Amazing

Just watched the swearing-in and the speech.

I am so glad to be an American today.

It's warm somewhere in America

...or at least in Florida. Only 70 there, mind you, but that was about fifty degrees warmer than Philly. Still, it was nice to wear short sleeves during the day and only a light jacket at night, which the locals seemed to feel was quite out of place. The flight down included a scary landing; evidently the pilot thought hitting the ground at 700 miles an hour was just peachy. But (minor miracle) both departing and returning the flights were on time, so I guess I shouldn't complain.

What the hell, I will. US Air now charges $15 for the first checked bag and $25 for two, which is a fairly new development. Now, if you were an airline exec, what might you imagine would be the result of the implementation of this kind of policy? Do you think it might just be possible that passengers will do all that they can to avoid checking bags? If you thought that, you were right. Going down I was only spared the fee by Dan warping space in the overhead compartment and fitting my bag nearly into place. Coming back I caved and paid the damned fee because I didn't want to go through the hassle of trying to stow my modestly sized bag.

Argh. I hate air travel. Where's my jump drive?